Lost it all AGAIN

[melissa123]

Hey all

 

I am here again feeling like absolute death.

Feeling like the whole world is out to get me and I cant do a thing to stop it.

 

I went through HELL with my first love whom I was with for 2 years.

He dumped me for someone else after a rocky few months at the end.

My life went to hell and back. He told everyone i cheated (which I did not at all) so I lost ALL my friends.

My 1st love and all friends were gone. And they went happily.

At the same time my uni work took a massive dive and I fell to pieces in my sport and missed being named on the national team.

I lost everything at that time.

I had one friend who helped me but that was it.

 

I wanted to die. Really did. I hit ultimate rock bottom. I even tried a few times.

 

But I slowly rebuilt my life over the next year. I got myself great friends, I got back on top with my uni work and my sport.

I was finally happy again. It was VERY VERY VERY hard work but I got there in the end!

 

I found love again in the one friend who had helped me pull through the tough times.

I remember just a month ago lying next to him with my best friends in the next room thinking I was the luckiest girl out there.

I had a teary moment as I knew I did this all myself. And as cheesy as it sounds i was so proud of where I came. I became a totally different person and can honeslty say I was the model gf. I refused to set a foot wrong.

 

 

ANYWAY

Fastforward a month and my now ex bf has dumped me after being very distant, hurting and just ignoring me for a good month.

Like last time he took all the friends. I have just failed my final exams due to the stress and no one in my family is talking to me.

 

I have lost it all AGAIN!!!!!!!!

I just dont understand how this could happen to me again after everything I went through. I came a totally different person and a happy one at that yet this has happened all again!

 

I didnt do anything wrong, I knew I was lucky to have what I did and I was very appreciative and ALWAYS made my ex feel appreciated. I never out a foot wrong with him. I was determined to make it work.

 

So here I am having lost it all again. But this time I just dont think I can get through it again. Im shattered, I want to die. I dont want to be here again I cant do it.

Why does this keep happening

I try soooo hard :(

 

Please help me. Im at rockbottom for the second time but this time I cant get through it.

[dead-dyke]

You will get through this Melissa, you will. Just like the other times. You just need to realize that there is nothing that can change his mind right now. You have to accept the fact that there is nothing anyone can say, or do, that will make him change his mind. Most of us found this out the hard way and repelled our ex's in the entirely wrong direction by trying to change their mind for them. You can't ruin anything by not communicating w/ him, but you can destroy everything you want, if there is a chance, by pushing and questioning him.

 

Now on the other hand, I also realize that no matter how much people give you advice, or talk in a sensible manner to you about him, and even if you agree w/ them at the time, you will be thinking the exact opposite of what anyone will tell you. I've lost pretty much everything as well, both tangible, and intangible. It took me a while before everything sunk in that it was real. I lost the love of my wife, in which we were supposed to grow old together, and have children with. People would tell me all the time she wasn't coming back, and I would agree. But in the back of my mind, I just KNEW she would come back. Mentally, I always thought they didn't know what they were talking about.

 

So listen. I'm pasting an article I found somewhere, and you can read it, and make of it what you will. But you will get through this.

 

Be easy on yourself. Use your determination to not let him drag you down. I've heard confidence is sexy.

===============================================================

 

I always find it amazing that so many couples who are unable to have children finally adopt and then miraculously get pregnant. Once they relax and put their energy and focus into other areas, they wind up with what they couldn't have. I find it is exactly the same for women/men who finally stop waiting for a boyfriend/girlfriend or a husband/wife to come back into their lives. As soon as they fall in love again or pursue a career and stop thinking about the past and are very involved in their current life, the phone rings and there he/she is again. The boyfriend/girlfriend who left, or husband/wife who had an affair, wants to start over again. It seems that when you are busy doing other things and involved in living your life, the very thing that you kept hoping for, magically occurs. Anyone waiting for a phone call knows that as soon as they leave for a second, the phone rings. When you just sit and wait for that phone to ring it never does. So my advice is to get on with your life as if he is never coming back. If he doesn't come back, at least you haven't wasted your life waiting for him. If he does come back, you will have gained valuable life experiences during that time that should help you in the future. - Dr. Ellen

[Misfit]

Melissa I'm just like you. Was Mr. Popularity back in the day then broke up lost everything depressed like hell. Then found another girlfriend was with her for a year just broke up in August this year. I'm feeling depressed, I'm so stressed also because everyone at work is hating me too, then I get my laptop stolen and I still owe 1500 bucks on it, so I take out a loan to buy another one and then I get fired at the end of September. I don't have much friends, my money is running out, nobody wants to hire me cause I got fired from my last job, don't know how I can pay my rent , pay this computer, buy food. Let's go get a drink. Seriously though, I also need someone to talk to. I've been hustling and going out and applying and exercising which kinda helps numb the pain, I don't know what'll happen but right now I need you as a friend since we're in the same boat. Okay. I'll keep checking on how you pull through this and hopefully I can learn from you and I'll let you know what's going on my end until I no longer can afford to pay my internet. But hang in there woman your still needed in this world.

 

Oh yeah besides everything else, the hardest thing for me is memories of the ex. Maybe if we find someone else in the time being it won't hurt so much. So hit me up anytime. K

[melissa123]

Hi everyone

 

Thanks for your lovely replies.

But im afraid I just cant cope.

I seriously want to crawl into a ball and die. I have never been so depressed. I was driving home today and I literally just wanted to drive off the road. Im that down.

 

I remember my first break up where the inital breakup tore me to shreads. Finding he was with someone else two days later was unimaginable pain. And I just know the same thing is about to happen and I CANT cope.

I have shut off all ties and shut down all my online sites but I know I will hear about it through friends when it happens and it will send me over the edge.

 

This break up hurts me so much more as I made no mistakes and I did everything possible to make it work and make him happy.

My 1st relationship i made a lot of mistakes, but going through it made me a totally different person.

I tried it out being a new and much better person in my new relationship and it failed.

That was the best person I could possibly be and he still lost interest.

I couldnt possibly have done anymore or tried any harder to make him happy. But he just lost interest.

And yes I know you will say its his loss but really its not.

If it was his loss then he wouldn't have dumped me and he wouldnt have lost interest.

 

Yesterday I managed to feel angry that he had just ignored me for months on end and had been rude and angry with me all the time.

I got angry that I had tried so hard and he just took it all for granted.

I got so angry that he never asked about me and always talked about him.

But today Im not angry at him, how can I be angry when these are just signs he had lost interest. Im the stupid one who hung on for ages and made him lose interest in me. Im angry at myself for just letting all this happen.

 

Ive already heard from friends that he is happy over the break up and out there having a great time. He doesn't care about me in the slightest.

 

So here I am, shattered to a point where I cant cope.

I miss him to much.

I know there will be no one else. This was the absolute best person I could be and even that is not good enough. So there is no point trying anymore.

I know the news will come soon that he has someone else and then I will be pushed over the edge.

 

I know alot of people will say hes not worth this but he is. When he was interested in me he was amazing and I had the best and happiest times of my life. Now ive lost it all.

 

Funny thing about this is this is the exact same time it happened last year. My 1st love dumped me and never once talked to me again right in the middle of exams. I had no friends besides his so I was completely alone for the summer holidays.

Now it had happened again in the middle of exams. I have friends this time but they are all going home for the summer so I am once again alone and misrable for the summer.

 

I cant cope. I just cant

[Ronni_W]

Hi Melissa.

If you are at risk of harming yourself in any way, you need to get professional assistance RIGHT NOW.

Call 911 if you do not have the strength to get yourself to a hospital emergency.

 

If you are at risk right now, *I* would be putting you at further risk if I engaged in a cyber-conversation with you instead of allowing you to take the time away from your keyboard to get the help that you need and deserve.

 

Go and do for yourself what you must do, and know that I will be looking for your post that reassures us that things are going better for you.

 

Sending Love, Strength and Comfort,

Ronni

[alwayssme]

Hey Melissa,

I know what you're going through is really tough because I lost the one I love and a lot of close friends too. Life has painful times like these unfortuantely. And it's hard, i know it's extremely hard but we just gotta pull through it. I hope things get better Best wishes

[melissa123]

Thanks Ronni again and alwaysme

 

Im just finding this to hard.

I cant explain how much my heartaches.

I cant sleep, eat or even function properly. Everytime I try to eat it just comes straight back up again. Im so stressed. I miss him to much

[Ronni_W]

Hey, Kiddo...good to see you back! And you do sound better than your last post, so that's good, too.

Fact is your body will fall asleep when it gets too exhausted to do anything else. And it is highly unlikely that you will run the risk of dying of starvation anytime soon. If you can manage to take some vitamins & supplements in the meantime, that'll be super-great. And water -- stay hydrated.

 

He hasn't been around, really, for over a month -- other than snapping at you and acting angry. And you have been coping fine with that. This part here is at least a relief from his anger and his snapping.

 

You've already coped with not having the "old him" around -- so, yes, you can! You've already proved that to yourself.

 

The rest of it sucks, I know -- for that, what are some things that you can do right now to make yourself feel a tiny bit less stressed?

 

Hugs,

Ronni

[melissa123]

Thanks Ronni

 

I just wanna know why he changed like this Everyone tells me there was probably someone else and thats what im starting to think aswell. There was always this one girl who was obsessed with him! She had a bf up until about a month ago when she broke up with him.

 

Thats when things changed with him.

 

They have spend every waking moment together since she broke up with him and have even gone away together. I used to find txts on his phone all the time and they would tell each other they loved each other and couldn't wait to see each other etc etc.

 

I gave him the benefit of the doubt but really how could I be so stupid.

 

Theres nothing I can do to make myself feel better! Really isn't!

[SgtPepper]

Melissa,

 

We know how much it hurts. It especially hurts when you think that you did all that you could to make the relationship work. I am in that boat today, but one thing I do know is that there IS someone out there for you and for me that wants what we have to offer. That person is just waiting for us to get through this pain and make ourselves available. Just because we are not the right people for the relationships that just ended does not mean that we are not right for anybody else on earth. The next time around, you and I need to be the best possible people for US, not for our relationships.

 

You can get through this.

[RedDevil66]

If you came out of this once, you're going to do it again :-)

 

 

My question is this, what sort of friends were these, this time and last time. who would not talk to you because of an ex?

 

And what sort of friend would tell you this recent ex is out and happy and doesn't even care that you're out of the picture?

 

When you get out of this again, you need to make sure you find healthier friends.

As hard as this seems to think about, it sounds like you may be feeling like a victim. You need to see where maybe you're doing anything incorrect

 

Hope this helps

[melissa123]

Thanks reddevil

 

Last time my only friends were really his friends and mutal ones.

When he left he told them all I cheated (which is absolutly untrue) so I lost all our friends.

 

Well i picked my life up, made me own friends and got a great new bf. I made good friends with his friends but since we have broken up they are all fussing over him. No one had contacted me once to see if im ok.

And now I have my own friends and they are great but they are all going home for the summer (4mnths) and im going to be here all alone.

 

And it was his bestfriend who told me. I asked him not to tell me anything again.

 

I dont knoe, I just thought this relationship was a keeper. Everything was going so well for once in my life and I was posting success stories on LS about how you can get thru etc.

Now its come crashing down all around me again and I dont know if I have the energy this time to get though.

 

Like I said this guy was a real keeper and I dont think I can find happiness like that again. I need to be friends wth someone for a while before I can really develop an attraction and begin dating, and I have no potential male friends left.

Not that I want to date anyone else anyway, just looking into the future.

[RedDevil66]

Well, maybe try to look at this another way

Maybe this is not crashing in on you. Maybe this is what you needed to move on the next part of your journey.

 

You know, the universe is always working towards good and if your life is not on the right path, the universe will make sure it gets on the right path.

 

I know this hurts and change hurt. The only thing you can do is gain strength from this.

 

Enjoy yourself and when you have your own group of friends and are happy with you. then get into another relationship.

 

How old are you?

[melissa123]

That is exactally what I did last time tho, enjoyed being with friends & enjoyed being with me and then found real happiness only to have it all come crashing down on me again.

 

Being with him was the happiest I had ever been and the most fun I had ever had all at once.

I was truley being myself and It was the first time I could just be myself round a male.

I just dont feel I will find that again.

 

Im 20 which I know you will say is young but it still hurts the same and I still have the same fears.

[Ronni_W]

Being with him was the happiest I had ever been and the most fun I had ever had all at once. ... I just dont feel I will find that again

Hi again, Melissa.

I totally understand how it can feel that way, right now. Is there any part of you, though, that can grasp what SgtPepper shared with you? (Maybe it will have more meaning if you check some of his recent posts? -- I'm not sure but that's worth a try, I'm thinking, if it possibly could help you feel a tiny bit better, yes?)

Melissa,

 

We know how much it hurts. It especially hurts when you think that you did all that you could to make the relationship work. I am in that boat today, but one thing I do know is that there IS someone out there for you and for me that wants what we have to offer. That person is just waiting for us to get through this pain and make ourselves available. Just because we are not the right people for the relationships that just ended does not mean that we are not right for anybody else on earth. The next time around, you and I need to be the best possible people for US, not for our relationships.

 

You can get through this.

[melissa123]

Yes it does make a lot of sense. I guess I just dont want anyone else, i was perfectly happy.

My first ex cheated, although it hurt like hell it was easy to see I didn't want to be with someone who does that.

But this time he was perfect, he didn't do anything wrong.

I just want him. How am I supposed to move on when everything I wanted and will ever want was right under my nose?

[Ronni_W]

Yes it does make a lot of sense. I guess I just dont want anyone else, i was perfectly happy.

Okay, yeah -- I get what you're saying now.

Of course you have no desire for anyone else right now. That's perfectly fine and normal to feel. And of course you were perfectly happy.

 

How I interpreted SgtPepper's though, is that it will DEFINITELY take time to want someone else...and MORE time thereafter to find that 'someone else'.

For me, the wisdom in his post was that there is no need -- and perhaps even no way -- to rush things.

 

It's fine to not want anyone else. But it is also that the ex is not available right now, either. You don't have to immediately do anything else. It's just that, right now, that is how life is.

[alwayssme]

Yes it does make a lot of sense. I guess I just dont want anyone else, i was perfectly happy.

My first ex cheated, although it hurt like hell it was easy to see I didn't want to be with someone who does that.

But this time he was perfect, he didn't do anything wrong.

I just want him. How am I supposed to move on when everything I wanted and will ever want was right under my nose?

 

 

Melissa, in my case it was the same thing. My ex was my best friend, he helped me get over the other guy i had before him. He was an amazing person and that made it harder to let go because our relationship was great. Everything I ever wanted...BUT they walked out on us. Realize that the situation is not on our hands, there is nothing we can do. I know it hurts and it sucks but we'll get through this, we'll be fine!

[Misfit]

Sup Melissa, I just got back from looking for work and now I'm here at Starbucks going through this thread. Yeah same here, I've been in alot of failed relationships and it's discouraging. It's a biatch trying to make a connection with someone the way we had with our ex and yeah she was da bomb like he's da bomb to you. I felt so comfortable being in her presence, me with all my little quirks and her, she still love me and my flaws. It's hard to think someone will accept you like that again and that's why I miss her so. She manages a retail store down here in Hawaii and I had a huge urge to go and buy clothes, just to see her and talk, but I didn't.

 

I spoke to her like 2 weeks ago and ask her to give me her employee discount cuz I needed a new wardrobe so I would look decent in my job hunting. She told me that the workers would have an annual 40% discount on the 1st and 2nd of this month but that she wouldn't be there cuz she was gonna fly of to the Big Island, and I jokingly said "why, who you gonna meet? What's his name so I can kick his ass." And then she dropped the bomb and said "why I wanted to know this kind of info, and that the guy was paying her ticket!" I was depressed cuz I was joking and didn't think she was flying off to actually meet someone. Anyway since she's my sister's friend my sister actually told me that she did fly off and is seeing someone. So dude I'm just as messed up again like you. LOL

 

Melissa, buddy, why the hell you trying to copy my disasterous life. It's unhealthy. I think she's probably the last woman Imma had been with.

 

What about you? How long you think you're gonna be single? I think me it'll be 5 years. If nothing happens after 5 years I'll be a priest and pray for us. God Bless.

 

P.S You deleted your Myspace? Open another one and let's instant message, cause sometimes I really need to talk to someone.

[melissa123]

Thanks guys

 

I really appreciate the help.

Im just having one of those moments right now where I miss him so much. I just want him. Im crying soo hard right now

Why did he give up on me?

I gave everything possible.

Gosh it aches so bad right now, tears just wont stop flowing.

What do I do?

Should I call him? Ive totally changed my mind about the break up, I dont care how bad he treated me all I want is him :lmao:

[Ronni_W]

Misfit, thanks for making me smile

You have a great attitude -- I hope you will get to at least use her discount so you can get a wardrobe to match. I got no worries for you -- sooner or later you are going to meet someone who perfectly fits with your attitude...and that new wardrobe (maybe your sis can score your ex's discount card for you...or maybe just go shopping for you? j/k)

Take care of yourself.

Melissa, buddy, why the hell you trying to copy my disasterous life. It's unhealthy.

Melissa...this is pro'ly the wisest counsel you are gonna get, and I'm guessing (well, hoping) you won't be choosing a "disastrous and unhealthy" life for yourself, right?

[melissa123]

:lmao:I never wanted to choose a disasterous and unhealthy life, its just the way things have turned out for me.

I just want to be with him so bad

Its utterly tearing me to shreads.

[Ronni_W]

I just want him.

Melissa,

No, don't call him. He needs you to NOT call him. Respect that HE wants to have space.

 

It is fine if you need to cry. If you were 2, I would totally understand if you wanted to throw a tantrum right now -- heck, I'd even stamp my feet or get down on the ground with you and bang the floor with my hands, too.

But you are a young adult, so you know life isn't just about what YOU want. He wants something different than you do, and you doing the emotional equivalent of a tantrum won't change that.

 

As you've mentioned earlier, all it is doing is causing your physical health to suffer -- you're not eating or sleeping properly. So you won't be able to live up to your highest potential in that new job that you're starting on Saturday, nor at the competitions later in the month.

You are a young adult, so it is time to also act self-responsibly and with your self-respect in mind.

 

I know all of it is tough. But you must get a bit of a better grip. You know you can do this because you have done it before. It is fine to demonstrate some adult awareness -- that won't mean that you are not also experiencing a lot of emotional pain. You can do both, simultaneously.

[melissa123]

Thanks Ronni

Your an angel and im sorry you have to put up with me.

I just cant even describe to you how hurt I am.

Im missing him to a point where I really cant cope and I know thats stupid and I sounds nuts but Im just so shattered.

 

I dont understand myself

I thought this was the right thing to do.

I tried my ass off with him, seriously tried EVERYTHING I could to make him happy.

I got tired of him constantly ignoring me.

Everytime he was down I would try my best to make him happy only for him to snap at me or just ignore me.

I got sick of him never asking after me or wishing me luck for certain things when I tried everything to remember all his exam and job interview dates and say good luck.

I tried to involve him the best I could by telling I had an exam that day or something only to get ignored.

The time I broke my fingers I text him straight away (with the other hand) to tell him only to get 'hehe' two hours later.

 

Finally after he ignored for 3 days and got very angry when I asked what was going on I decided I couldn't keep doing this.

He freaked out and begged me so I gave it another go.

 

 

He ignored me the rest of the week so I and I was devastated the whole week. I had exams and I was upset and crying all the time. So I decided it couldnt go on like this

 

I rang him and asked if he would try more, he said 'probably not becasue im lazy and a dick' and we ended there.

 

So why am I so devastated when I thought it was the right thing to do? Im hurting like hell and all I want is him back

I dont understand at all. I thought it would get better.

[Misfit]

Thanks guys

 

I really appreciate the help.

Im just having one of those moments right now where I miss him so much. I just want him. Im crying soo hard right now

Why did he give up on me?

I gave everything possible.

Gosh it aches so bad right now, tears just wont stop flowing.

What do I do?

Should I call him? Ive totally changed my mind about the break up, I dont care how bad he treated me all I want is him :lmao:

 

Woman, try watching "notebook" or "ghost". And then lift weights. Do like 3 sets of 10, benching then squats, and shoulders press. Never mind curls cuz biceps don't match on a woman.

 

Seriously though strong body strong mind. I started exercising as soon as we broke up, I jump rope for 15 minutes, then punch bag for 9 minutes and then do 50 push ups , pull ups, sit ups and squats. Your a woman so just go jogging and find a sparring partner and go at least 3 rounds. It's guaranteed to make you happy...... or content.......even if for a little while.

 

Again I don't have anyone to cry to except here or my sister and she's so mean to me. She yells at me and tells me to man up! And I tell her I'm human with emotions like you females! and then she starts backing up my ex! She doesn't know how much that hurts me, but she did say something that had truth to it. She said "I'll bet when you start dating someone else you'll totally forget about her."

 

Now, Melissa, help me help you, or help you help me. ah something like dat. Know wat I mean.