Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I hear a lot of people saying things like you need to get used to rejection so it doesn't sting as bad next time, like a callus on your fingers. My question is what advice do you have for girls that need to learn to deal with the big R better? We don't typically ask out guys as often as guys ask out girls, and we also get rejected slightly less often on average, therefore rejection looms very large when it does occur. I've been rejected around three times by guys I really wanted to date and each time I sort of took it hard.
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 I mean, I realize now that none of those guys were ideal for me but I wanted to at least get to know them better, and I was upset they didn't feel the same about me.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 It's about knowing that the person didn't understand your value and someone else will. You can do one of two things when you get rejected : 1 internalise it and criticise yourself, 2 take it as a minor setback and keep going
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Uh-huh, I get that... I guess part of my problem has been that I go on so few dates that I feel when I get rejected I lost my only chance for the year
sultry33 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I hear a lot of people saying things like you need to get used to rejection so it doesn't sting as bad next time, like a callus on your fingers. My question is what advice do you have for girls that need to learn to deal with the big R better? We don't typically ask out guys as often as guys ask out girls, and we also get rejected slightly less often on average, therefore rejection looms very large when it does occur. I've been rejected around three times by guys I really wanted to date and each time I sort of took it hard. you need to not put so much pressure into getting that date.. step 1.. smile step 2... see if it returned if so start coversation step 3.. walk away;) if you see them again then if they want a date cool if not at lst you got some confidene practice.. i do the above plus ask there name.. no idea why as i have a short memory makes them laugh though, just enjoy..
Green Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I hate rejecting girls but it happens... it feels so wrong
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 I guess I should specify that I've never been turned down for a second date. I would get rejected for second or third dates. I won't say I've ben rejected 20 times because that's not true. However I would like to learn to deal with it better.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Uh-huh, I get that... I guess part of my problem has been that I go on so few dates that I feel when I get rejected I lost my only chance for the year Nothing wrong with quality over quantity.
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 D'oh, in the post above I meant I've never been turned down for a first date.
sultry33 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I guess I should specify that I've never been turned down for a second date. I would get rejected for second or third dates. I won't say I've ben rejected 20 times because that's not true. However I would like to learn to deal with it better. Im guilty of this 1st date can go well or im initaily attracted but then something just dont click.. ive been thinking alot about it and im either over fussy or not ready or maybe i make bad choices my friend asked me what my type was and then e commented that my last exes was not that.. maybe its the same thing with the guys .. any guys got input on why they dont move to date 2? for me it has to be all good;)
D-Lish Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Rejection is a big issue for most of us. I don't ask out guys for that very reason- I don't want them to say "I am not interested". BUT, I have gone out with some guys here and there and felt we had a connection, only to never hear from them again. Sometimes these guys were less than everage Joe's... That shyte is confusing sometimes! Just keep in mind that chemistry and compatibility isn't a given whether you are a super model or a celebrity or a goddess. Hot, smart female celebs get dumped all the time (as do guys). Look at Miss Anniston and Cameron Diaz that can't keep a man.... Chemistry won't always match. Not everyone in the world is going to love you... It's about coming to terms with that and letting it go when it happens.
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Unfortunately, I think a lot of guys are initally attracted to me or think I'm interesting but then find they don't see a relationship developing. This is my gut feeling as to what's going on. It's not that they dislike me or feel a blatant lack of chemistry, in most cases...
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 maybe its the same thing with the guys .. any guys got input on why they dont move to date 2? Didn't feel right, not what I'm looking for. Doesn't mean that theres anything undatable about the person just not for me.
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 I sound arrogant in my post above... I do admit some might not be overly attracted to me. I think the main problem however is a bit more of an emotional chemistry issue, or what CommitmentPhobe said about it not feeling right for them. As much as I know I can't always win, I am sad that I seem to be Miss Wrong for so many, lol.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Something more to add about girls and rejection, all my LTRs have started from the female asking me out because I find that INCREDIBLY hot. Go the other way around where I've done the pursuing and my track record says it won't get past the 3 month stage.
Green Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I find it very hard to reject girls. I mean some times I reject them with no problem. But when a girl keeps calling you and keeps throwing herself at you I find it almost imposible to reject her if shes attractive
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 I find it very hard to reject girls. I mean some times I reject them with no problem. But when a girl keeps calling you and keeps throwing herself at you I find it almost imposible to reject her if shes attractive KMT, I love you, but you're not really helping. I'm not the type to throw myself at guys who clearly aren't interested.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Do you get the same thing with job interviews? This is all a 2 way process, I think when you meet someone you click with, you'll figure out why all the other dates led to rejection. Maybe there wasn't as much there as you thought.
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Do you get the same thing with job interviews? This is all a 2 way process, I think when you meet someone you click with, you'll figure out why all the other dates led to rejection. Maybe there wasn't as much there as you thought. Ohh god yes I am horrible with job interviews In fact the ones I thought i did best at were the worst rejections. Same concept! Except for jobs I don't take it as personally I mean, I do think you're right, I've never been on a date where I clicked with the person in a major way.
D-Lish Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 KMT, I love you, but you're not really helping. I'm not the type to throw myself at guys who clearly aren't interested. Nor should you be... that's a good quality! I'm like you Isy... Men love me off initially... but ultimately get upset when they see how guarded I am about my feelings. I need a 3 month breaking in period before opening up and showing men who I really am. Many are turned off by my inability to open up. I think it's just about meeting the right guy. I met someone recently and we have been dating for 5 weeks maybe. He broke me down immediately- something that is hard to do. I pulled ice-queen bitchy with him and he disarmed me. I've never had so much fun with anyone in my life. I think it's just about finding that chemistry- yet also realizing that sizzling chemistry doesn't happen with MOST people you'll date. Shyte... I cooked my new guy lasagna in my bra and undies the other day- felt completely uninhibited and comfortable doing so. That's a new me... but it's because he is who he is that makes me cool doing that sort of stuff. This guy knows more about me in 5 weeks than my ex-husband I was with for over 8 years. I do silly dances and walk like a monkey in front of him.... DO you know how many people I have dated in the past 6 years that I never busted out with? You'll meet someone you'll bust out with. It sounds cliche... but it will be the "right" kind of guy that completes the connection. I'm probably not going to marry this guy- but I am richer for the experience. It's not "you"... it's chemistry- the lack of or abundance of. The lack of will occur more often... but when the sizzler comes along... it's so awesome.
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Grr, it's funny to say this but most of the people on this board have something concrete to talk about or complain about... I always come down to the same problem, I'm not meeting the right people; and the same solution, WAIT ON MY BUTT. Lol
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 It's not "you"... it's chemistry- the lack of or abundance of. The lack of will occur more often... but when the sizzler comes along... it's so awesome. Yeah, I think it's important to recognize that true chemistry is pretty rare, though it doesn't necessarily explain all my issues. Isy--I love that!
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Grr, it's funny to say this but most of the people on this board have something concrete to talk about or complain about... Yeah but most of the people on this thread right now are over a decade older than you. I think you even come from a different generation than me.
Author Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Well KMT is my age! And Kashmir is 19...
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Well I remember hating rejection at your age. At some point it stopped affecting me as much. In my experience, life has this habit of teaching you to deal with it whether you like it or not.
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