Nfleetwood Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 So here is the story, Me and me ex were friends all through out high school. I always had a crush on her. At the beginning of our junior year I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend, we began hanging out and before long we were both single and she was head over heels for me. I asked her out on Valentines day, and we were so in love the first year. After the first year I started to really think about us being together forever, and we began to argue and she decided to take a break. We got back together a week later and things were going good. But as our senior year started to end she wanted to go away for school and we had a differences, I didnt support her much and pretty much acted as if i didnt want to be with her anymore. She broke up with me right before we graduated after a year and a half. But we still hung out at our senior trip and grad bash. After school she called me all the time and we hung out all the time, went to the movies and cuddled, kissed and even had sex a few times. It was almost as if we were together again. The summer started to cool down, and she moved away to school, we drifted farther apart, and finally she quit calling me and we didnt hang out anymore. Meanwhile her family loves me and even her parents have told me how much they would love for me to be there son-in-law someday, i got along perfectly with out of her siblings. But when she moved aways she took all of my stuff with her and continued to wear my promise ring. We went a few weeks without talking and i started begging her to come back, and told her how much i want to be with her. This pushed her to the point that she wouldnt even answer my calls anymore. I gave it a month, and continued to spend time with her family. Finally she answered my calls and we were talking again. She got in a accident and hurt her leg, so she was home for a week from school. I went and visited her and took care of her, taking her places, and she called me everyday asking me to do things and complaining of how she was in pain. The next week she called me and invited me to the mall with her family, and friend. I got to the mall but her parents were leaving and her friend wasnt there, she told me that it was just gonna be me and her tonight. We had a good time, and when i left her house that night she ran up and hugged me for a few minutes. The next couple days her dad told me about how she was saying that i was really nice guy and that she was really thinking about getting back together with me, but that she felt bad that she she was so busy, and didnt want to her me by not having enough time for me. She told her parents that she was gonna talk to me and tell me what she wanted out of the relationship and what she expected from me and what i wanted. But she never talked about that to me. A few weeks went by and we didnt talk, i called her and told her how much of a better person I am now and how i realized what i lost, and that would do anything to make it last this time. We talked for an hour that day. But she never would answer anything about her feelings or love towards me. A few weeks later i called her and we talked for 30mins casually, we had a fun conversation, she talked about how she is still single, and dated one guy for a week, but said it was just a rebound. She went on and on and opened up and talked about her friends and everything good and bad in her life, i couldnt barely get a word in. But now i dont know what will happen, should I Give her space still, and call her occasionally to talk. I know she still has feelings for me because her family tells me how she still talks about me, and she hasnt given my stuff back and continues to wear my ring and kept all the pictures of us up on facebook and myspace. But I dont know what i should do. I would really like be back with her and really show her that i can support her, because that is what i failed miserably at. Any ideas on how to win her trust back and show her how supportive i am? Anything about winning this girl back would be wonderful.
BCCA Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I'm sorry man, this is a really crappy situation and I'm sure it doesnt feel so great. The first advice I need to give is to stop talking to her parents all together. My ex's parents loved me to death, wanted us to be together forever, and if it was up to them - we would be married. But, my ex isnt her parents. I'm sure her parents mean well, but they were probably just happy their daughter had a nice guy in her life, and wanted to see you two married. It doesnt sound like their daughter is on board, so whatever they say/feel is irrelevant. Next, dont let her have her way at your expense. She broke up with you, its not your job to take care of her or see her when shes lonely. The reason she isnt giving you answers about her feelings, etc is because she knows if shes honest, you're going to be gone, so she doesnt want to come out with it. The truth hurts, both of you. Think about it this way, if you had something GOOD to tell someone, would it be hard to say? NO! She doesnt have anything good to say man, I'm sorry to say. So long as everything is casual and friendly, shes fine, but when you get into relationship talks - shes got nothing to say. She also told you about dating someone else. That might sound innocent enough, just a rebound, but there is a double meaning to her telling you that. She's telling you she's out looking for other guys, and if you want to hang around and take the risk that comes along with it, shes already given you fair 'warning' in her mind. Think about liking a girl and having a desire to have a relationship with her - probably the furthest thing from your mind is telling her about dating other people at ALL, even if its just for a week and a rebound. Thats not the type of things you tell someone to make your relationship stronger, its the opposite. My advice is to tell her that you need her to understand that if she wants you in her life, its gotta work for you, too. If its not a mutually beneficial situation, you cant stick around. Sure, maybe you could have done better when you two were together, but you cant just keep trying and hoping she'll change her mind. She could have you jumping through hoops indefinitely, while she goes out looking for someone else. You really deserve a concrete answer on your status. Are you two working things out or not? There is no maybes or indecision, dont kid yourself. Shes knows full well where she sees the two of you, I suspect she doesnt want to tell you the whole story because she knows she'll have to feel guilty and you'll probably not want to talk to her anymore. Never be affraid of answers. You'll either get them now or later, and later is just a waste of time. If she cant give you a clear answer, uses a lot of "i dont knows", etc...shes just BSing you along. She either wants to make it work or she doesnt, and you need to move on.
Author Nfleetwood Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 Hey thanks, Yeah i guess that makes sense.But i just dont understand why she wont tell me the truth, I mean if she doesnt care about me anymore and we barely talk, then what would it matter to her if she told me she didnt want to be with me? Yeah and i guess if she really wanted to be with me we would be working things out, but were not.But that is exactly what happens, is were all good and friends, but when it comes to anything with relationships, she has nothing and wont say anything. Im slowly but surely getting over her though. I just dont understand the holding on to my stuff and wearing my ring still, if shes over me, then why doesnt she want any closure?
BCCA Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Hey thanks, Yeah i guess that makes sense.But i just dont understand why she wont tell me the truth, I mean if she doesnt care about me anymore and we barely talk, then what would it matter to her if she told me she didnt want to be with me? Yeah and i guess if she really wanted to be with me we would be working things out, but were not.But that is exactly what happens, is were all good and friends, but when it comes to anything with relationships, she has nothing and wont say anything. Im slowly but surely getting over her though. I just dont understand the holding on to my stuff and wearing my ring still, if shes over me, then why doesnt she want any closure? You're looking at it from your perspective. She HAS closure, that's her only concern. She views the relationship as over, and therefore, doesnt see the need to discuss it anymore. If she was honest, you would be upset and probably tell her off, etc...which would make her feel guilty, and would completely remove you from her life. Even if she doesnt want a relationship, she still wants to know that someone out there cares about her, and if she was lonely and said the right things, she could get you to give her some attention. As for your stuff, I learned the hard way - returning it is just not that important to her, and again, she doesnt want to completely lose you from her life because she doesnt have anyone else. The main thing to understand is that if/when she does find someone else, dont think your stuff wont be returned ASAP, your phone wont stop ringing, and any pics with you she has on her myspace wont dissapear. Youre basically an interem 'guyfriend'. Youre not really her boyfriend, but not really just a friend. Shes having her cake and eating it, too...its a perfect situation for her. She doesnt have to commit to you, yet she can still get some attention from time to time if shes lonely. Problem is, thats a sh*tty situation for you. I've been in your shoes, bro. Its easy to look for a silver lining to everything, and try and rationalize why shes doing what she is. The only thing you need to understand is that she left you, and until that changes, you really arent doing yourself any favors by keeping her around.
WiseOne1 Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 BBCA Is 100% right. My ex did the same thing to me, I use to beg her just to tell me the truth, deep down inside she knew I was looking for closure and once I got it, I was gonna go poof! My ex would say that she doesnt if she loves her new bf or not, I then use to ask her did she love me more, and she wouldnt answer that either, I was like just say it, its already over. She would get mad and hang up. I knew I needed closure and I needed to hear the truth to be able to move on, and she wouldnt give it to me, its like she knew my inntentions. But sooner or later I tricked her into admitting it, and he admitted that she loved him, and once she said it I was gone! I stayed around 7 months after we broke up, and I begged those whole 7 months to get my answer, and I finally got it, I could have been over her by those 7 months, but anyways I've been on "No Contact" for 4 weeks now. Shes txtd me twice but I didnt answer back. Your ex knows if she gives you the truth then your gonna leave forever, dont be like me and make the same mistake I made. My ex would dare tell me the truth the first 7 months but once she got use and comfortable with the new guy, she didnt care anymore and told me what I wanted to hear. Bassically shes a coward and her plan isnt bullet proof so shes gonna try to hold onto you until shes sure, DON'T FALL FOR IT!
MichiganMan222 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I concur. I wanted to move on to. But I didn't feel like I could until I knew she did. I asked her to be honest about guy she was hanging around...just friends, blah blah blah and it was none of my business anyway hahahaha....I knew better but for some reason I HAD to hear it from her before I could begin to heal. she refused to tell me so I found out myself. And when I confirmed it, it made NC EASY. Had she just been honest about her cheating (LMFAO), then it would've saved us both a month of grief. Why can't they tell you? The guilt for one, and they WANT you to cling on for some reason. I had the feeling my ex didn't want anyone else to have me. Its like bitching at someone for taking something out of your trash can. Give me a break!
Author Nfleetwood Posted November 15, 2008 Author Posted November 15, 2008 Yeah I know, I feel like it would be so much easier if she would just tell me the truth instead of making everything a mystery. I mean she doesnt have to be rude about it, she can just casually tell me whats up, and I would be content with that. But instead she doesnt want to see anyone else with me, but doesnt want to be with me either. They make thing so much harder and more confusing, by keeping it all in side. We would get along so much better if women would just tell us the truth sometimes.
Recommended Posts