Some voids are never filled

[starscollide]

There are some days when everything seems like it will be okay. Days when I don't think about my ex, when I'm not wondering why I'm still single, & when being on my own feels great. But then there are days like today where I get a private message on a message board that says something unintentionally hurtful. You can only post so much of your personal life on here without revealing too much or leaving yourself open to too much of the outside world's perspective.

 

I date, I give guys a chance, and if anything, I've lowered my standards. At 22, I don't think relationships are some fairytale romance, nor do I date hoping it'll turn into more. I've relaxed enough to let things happen as they will, but to keep having it not work out is exhausting. Emotionally and mentally. Out of all of my friends, I've been out of a relationship and maintained life in the single lane the longest. I'm independent, I pay for everything I own, and aside from living with my parents, I'm at a good, solid point in my life. I've been single, became okay with being on my own, and now I'm ready for something new. I'm ready to have a relationship, I'm ready to let my guard down and let myself have something meaningful...and its not happening.

 

I was seeing this guy for 4 months, and instead of analyzing or over-thinking I was calm, cool, collected and went with the flow. Turns out, he was seeing me and another girl at the same time and I find out from facebook that they're now in a relationship. No hard feelings, I was on the fence about him, but at least have the decency to tell me face-to-face or even in a text! Every guy I've dated has ended badly, and these aren't even guys I've gone for. These are guys I've been set up with, met in a normal social setting, and even guys who asked me out that I gave a chance to get to know someone outside my usual type. Nothing has stuck.

 

I'm not entirely superstitious, but I'm wondering if 1) my ex really was who I was suppose to be with and 2) If there's a reason it hasn't happened for me yet. If this isn't the time its suppose to, and thats why its not working out with any of these guys. If you've ever seen the movie, "Good Luck Chuck", you'll understand my perspective. Every girl these guys go out with after me, it turns into a relationship. My friends have even started joking that I'm the good luck charm for guys unlucky in love! I can appreciate the humor in Life's unexpected ways, and I'm spiritual enough to believe God has some kind of blue-plan if not a well-scripted one, but when is it my turn??

 

My ex has been in a relationship for 2 years and I've gone NC and have gotten over it as much as anyone will get over their first love. I've been exercising consistently, I go out with my friends all the time, I have a job, I'm enrolled in school, and I'm close with my family. I'm open to new things, I can do things by myself without needing anyone around, and I know what I want. I'm not clingy or desperate, and I laugh easily so its not like I can be perceived as uptight! I don't understand what I'm doing wrong! But I still get passed up time and time again, and I'm starting to feel like maybe I'm meant to be alone. No matter who comes and goes, my ex and I seem to come into contact, even if months and months go by. We'll run into each other unexpectedly, and no matter how bad its ever gotten or who's said "we'll never talk again," everything always ends up okay. When I lost my ex, it was like losing a best friend. I still don't know where I went wrong in that relationship, or how I'm so easy to get over. From time to time, I do wonder if we'll meet years later and have a second chance, but I've accepted that may never happen.

 

I'm not writing this for advice. I'm writing this because if there are other people out there, like me, who find themselves alone and sometimes...maybe even a little lonely...you're not alone because I'm there too.

[UnamedSeven]

Yeah. My first, real, relationship ended 3 months ago but its a new different type of scenario everyday. Sometimes, i'm so urged to just pick up the phone and call her, but other days i regain self-confidence and know in my heart, that everything was meant to be. I still find myself running from my everyday problems but the Past destroys me on the inside because of what happened that i will never get over. It would be nice why she broke up with me seeing as, we never fought and she told me she loved me.

[melissa123]

This made my cry.

Im the exact same way.

Since the split from my first love life has never been the same.

It has been full of disappointments, guys chase, get me, make me totally happy only to leave for someone else. EVERYTIME.

Its become the story of my life and its pretty much ruined it.

Im no longer happy with all these past hurts.

And I to cant help but wonder if my first love really was the one to hold onto. I threw that relationship away with just not knowing how to handle things.

Now hes happy with someone else and all I have had is disappointments and heartache.

Sigh time to give up

[CaliGuy]

Trust me, as bad as it seems now, it gets better. Everyone who comes into your life and leaves will leave some kind of void -- at least it appears that way.

 

Then when you meet the REAL one, none of them in the past will matter that much. They will simply be a good memory. Nothing more.

 

Trust me on that.

[burning 4 revenge]

I cant believe Nemo hasnt commented on this title

[replicator]

Starscollide.

 

I haven't posted here in ages, but find myself lurking here again tonight.

 

Just wanted to say thanks for sharing that, because I'm sure there are a lot of us who find ourselves with that lingering void after a break up.

 

You sound like a wonderful person with a lot to offer - and surely one day some lucky guy will find you. For now, keep doing what you're doing!

[No Foolin]

Starscollide

 

Let me start with a simple concept: "prespective is everything"

 

I'm gonna bottom line your post bare with me

 

1. Sometimes you have good days and others no so good days.

2. You date, but are often disappointed now you just want a "relationship"

3. You dated a guy for 4 months and you find out he was dating another

4. You're concerned that you've missed your chance at "love"

5. You can't figure out "what your doing wrong"

6. You are still hung up on your ex.

7. You are looking for advice or you wouldn't be here (I won't tell anyone lol)

 

Ok Stars, you have just described yourself as human. Thats right, you haven't broken the mold or come up with anything original. We are all in the same place from time to time, sorry but......... Its true.

 

I'm going to introduce you to a "perspective shift" or a "half-time adjustment". Now, after reading your entire post, I'm taken by one thing: YOU ARE UPTIGHT(You mentioned it twice maybe three times)!!! This is not a race. Do not think for a second that just becasue you roll into a relationship with some cat you are going to be complete. You are missing the "advantage of your position", observe:

 

1. No matter what you do, you're gonna have both good and bad days (unavoidable).

2. You date.................. I don't know where the problem is with this. The only way you can be disappointed/exhausted is if "YOU DO HAVE EXPECTATIONS". The order of the day is: date/have a good time/assess if its worth your time/ either date again or line something else up (wash/rinse/repeat) Dating is supposed to be fun (by the way you're 22 = you have permission to have fun)

3. Yeah, about that; unless you've had "the talk" with the person you're "dating" its open season. This means you can date others to, commit to nobody until your sure = smart .

4. There is no last chance at love, period. Sorry to say but this is the first of many (I see that as a good thing).

5. Every moment you 2nd guess yourself, you aren't being yourself. There are no do-overs Star. You can't have it back, so just do what you do (with reason of course). When you start "being" you and stop "thinking" you thats when you light up and you won't be able to throw a rock without hitting an interested dude.

6. THAT DOG WILL NOT HUNT!!!! 2 years, Star, 2 years....... That S**t is over......... Walk it off we all lose people. Good news is, you're gonna have many more and trust me, you won't even be thinking about said clown.

7. You're here because you're here, period.

 

When you start viewing your freedom as a tool, you begin to see things as projects. When you see things as projects you start to plan. When you plan you begin to act. When you act you beign to live. It always been you, just a matter of perspective + you're FREAKING 22 lol....... Just have fun, don't start sweating the getting married thing till you're at least 50 lol.

 

Big Ups

 

No Foolin

[gd26]

Thanks for the great perspective, No Foolin. The longer we are still stuck over people from our past, the longer we are holding ourselves back from creating a better future.

 

There are some days when I feel similar to the OP - and your post certainly did make me feel better. Most appreciated.