Author kashmir Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Of course I know I can become who I want to be. The only person that's stopping me is myself. But you have to understand how foreign this all is. I can't get past the thought that if I flirt with a girl she'll flip out. If I comment on something I like about the way she looks, I'll be viewed as a sleazy male who thinks of a woman as a sex object. If I smile at or try to talk to a girl I don't know, then she'll believe I'm a creep or pervert and report me. And if I even try to touch her in anyway then I'm sure to get reported.
Trialbyfire Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Then take it slowly, date lightly. Ask girls out and start to hold their hand, nothing beyond that to begin with. Start flirting with girls you've known for awhile and might be interested in. Just stay below the line of decent compliments. Saying to a girl "baby, you gotta' body that, etc." would be far above the line between creepy and complimentary, with someone who you're not in a relationship with, just a casual girl you're interested in. You bet you are responsible for you and only you can change yourself. If you find it too hard a grind by yourself, you can also look to professional guidance through therapy.
Els Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 You might want to ask yourself 'what KIND of woman do the jerks get?' I would take the nice guy anytime. Am with one now.
Bells Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Seriously, their words are true. They are looking for a nice guy. A nice guy they can use as a receptacle for all the drama and emotion which comes from banging the guy they're attracted to, because he doesn't give a hoot about how they feel But I Thought you said their actions spoke more than their words.
lino Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Just don't do anything special for them. No presents, flowers, unnecessary compliments, etc. Give them yourself and that's it. Also not all nice guys are afraid of being sexual. I used to be considered too nice and I'm as horny and sexual as any other guy and not scared to show it, always have been. Obviously the guys who are afraid to be sexual will be in an even worse position but there's more to it than that. For me the #1 rule is never listen to female advice about this kind of thing ESPECIALLY your mum! I used to listen to them and learned the hard way that they aren't capable of telling you what they need, only what they think they want which changes on a weekly basis. If you have friends that have no problems getting into relationships with fantastic women, listen to them. Oh and ignore those posters you see hung up at your college! That's just political correctness gone too far. Hope that helps
Trialbyfire Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Just don't do anything special for them. No presents, flowers, unnecessary compliments, etc. Give them yourself and that's it. Also not all nice guys are afraid of being sexual. I used to be considered too nice and I'm as horny and sexual as any other guy and not scared to show it, always have been. Obviously the guys who are afraid to be sexual will be in an even worse position but there's more to it than that. For me the #1 rule is never listen to female advice about this kind of thing ESPECIALLY your mum! I used to listen to them and learned the hard way that they aren't capable of telling you what they need, only what they think they want which changes on a weekly basis. If you have friends that have no problems getting into relationships with fantastic women, listen to them. Oh and ignore those posters you see hung up at your college! That's just political correctness gone too far. Hope that helps I could easily say not to listen to male advice for women because most men don't have a hope in Hades of understanding women. Do you know why? Because all women aren't the same, just like all men aren't the same. There are no cookie cutter methods to create viable, lasting relationships. If you can't understand nuance and have no empathy, instead relying on a dating rules, oracles of advice and male or female bibles, you're going to eff every relationship you're in. There are two individuals, who have individual wants and needs. How do you mesh them? Do you want to mesh them? How tolerant are you? Can you compromise? How badly do both of you want the relationship or want the relationship to last? Are there sufficient compatibilities of interests to create the foundation of like and respect? Is your selection criteria all about the superficial? Do you understand your mate? What's the intensity level of your ability to love, trust and commit? Is one person overly-emotional and reactionary? The list goes on and on.
Author kashmir Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 I agree with lino in that women aren't always the best to listen to, but I also agree with trialbyfire in that men aren't that great advice-givers either. The best person to listen to is myself. I've known the answer for a while. I've just been afraid to face it because of past rejections and experiences. Women want me. I know that. Whether it's just the ones who only know my outside appearance, or the ones who might get to see a little more of what's in my head in class or whatnot. I tell myself too often that they don't want me. The fact is, though, every day I routinely see different girls around who I'm intrigued by who feel the same way about me (or so I think, but even if they don't, who cares). I've made some moves, but they were either with the wrong girls or done in a bad way. So some think bad of me. So they tell their friends about me and repel them. So what. They're jerks, plain and simple. No more being afraid of offending a girl. When I like something about her, I'll say it (and I'm not talking about cheesy lines, just meaningful compliments that I've always held back). When I feel the time is right to take her hand, I'll do it. I'm not going to let a bunch of fears inside my head and a few jerks keep me down anymore.
carhill Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 But I Thought you said their actions spoke more than their words. Watch how they treat you. I see the words matching up. They're looking for the nice guy, very true, but not to date/have a relationship with, because he's not attractive. He's part of their very valuable tool belt, which includes all the males in their life, including daddy. Each male has a purpose. Each male has a slot. Each male gets the appropriate amount of polishing. I experienced this completely voluntarily today
allina Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 maybe the woman is doing or saying things to make him not call too much or act too interested. have you ever considered that possibility??? This is absolutely a possibility, of course. I didn't address it in my response because the OP focused on women in general and didn't ask about a specific girl or situation.
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 No more being afraid of offending a girl. When I like something about her, I'll say it (and I'm not talking about cheesy lines, just meaningful compliments that I've always held back). When I feel the time is right to take her hand, I'll do it. I'm not going to let a bunch of fears inside my head and a few jerks keep me down anymore. You go, kashmir! That's the attitude.
Angel1111 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Giving attention and being a doormat are not one and the same. As a matter of fact, if a guy doesn't feel the urge to treat a girl special, then something is terribly wrong. Women LOVE attention and being made to feel special - so whoever gave you the advice to stop doing that is way off-base. But if you give that attention and special treatment to her when she treats you badly, then you become a doormat and she loses all respect for you.
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