Mahatma Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 So I have been dating a girl for over four months now. We are very close, but I do not take the word "love" lightly. Every time I am with her I just feel like I wanna burst out and tell her I love her, but then I think it through and wonder if it is just a heat of the moment thing. I am only 18 and have never told a girl I was in love with her. I know if I said it, she would return it. It seems like every time I am with her, I feel more strongly towards her and wonder if what I am feeling is still just a part of infatuation. I really do not want to say it too soon. I do not feel pressured or anything to say it, but I am curious if any of you, mostly girls (since guys usually are the first ones to say it), have begun to get frustrated because a guy takes a while to say he loves you. Once again, I do not feel pressured or worried that she will leave or anything, nor will I say it until I am fully ready. I am just curious if it bothers any girls.
PrincessPeach Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Guys usually say it first?! I've almost always been the first to say it in my past relationships, and I'm not one to say it real soon or anything. It's always been returned as well. I also don;t say it the first time I feel it either. I like to be certain of it before saying it, so it's usually a little while after I feel that I love him that I'll first say it to him. If he were to happen to say it first to me during this time, I'd return the "I love you." I don't think I would ever get frustrated that a guy hasn't told me that he loves me (even after I first said it). In fact, if the guy says it before I feel it myself, I'd have to at least question whether or not he even means it or if he knows how to take us seriously. I don't think you will ever lose a girl because you haven't said "I love you" when she hasn't said it herself or specifically asked "Do you love me?"
carhill Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 OP, love and telling someone you love them is a gift you give to them, not the surrender of your life force.... If it's wrong, it won't matter when or if you ever say it. If it's right, you'll look at each other and just know; if that's what you're feeling, IMO, you say it when you feel it. I do this with friends too. ILY isn't just confined to one's sexual partner and/or family. It's a gift that keeps giving
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Love is the heat of the moment! (And more besides, but it starts with that.) I don't think four months is too soon. I have never said it first (self-protection), and the guy has always said it within a few months. Say it when you're ready.
Author Mahatma Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Not to say I would, but what if a guy did not say it after over a year of dating? Two? Where is the cut off?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I guess it depends on the girl, and what she is looking for. I think most women want to know they are loved! Me, I tend not to bother with a guy unless there is a lot of passion, depth, and intensity, so if he hadn't said it after a while (three months to a year, I'd guess), I would definitely start to cool off toward him and think I might be wasting my time. Also, personally, I do not let my own feelings of love begin to grow until he verbalizes his. Again, self-protection.
Author Mahatma Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 I guess it depends on the girl, and what she is looking for. I think most women want to know they are loved! Me, I tend not to bother with a guy unless there is a lot of passion, depth, and intensity, so if he hadn't said it after a while (three months to a year, I'd guess), I would definitely start to cool off toward him and think I might be wasting my time. Also, personally, I do not let my own feelings of love begin to grow until he verbalizes his. Again, self-protection. Yeah, I understand. I have come so close so many times. I am going to tell her soon. I was just curious if anyone had lost interest just because the guy never verbalized it. It is not like it changes how I feel about her or anything.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Personally, I lose interest if I have no desire to verbalise it after, well around the stage you're at.
Author Mahatma Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Personally, I lose interest if I have no desire to verbalise it after, well around the stage you're at. I do not quite understand what you meant by that... please explain further.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I do not quite understand what you meant by that... please explain further. Well, I figure I'm either in love with them and I want to tell them about it or I'm not and I want to break up with them. Anyway, it's a two way thing you can tell when you're in love with each other.
D-Lish Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I always wait for the guy to say it first. Take your time and say it when you're ready- nothing wrong with that!
MalachiX Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 There's no easy answer here. I've only said I love you once and it was a big freaking deal to me (took me five months and then about an hour on the spot to make the words come out). It's not an easy thing and I think it's good that you take it seriously because a lot of people don't. Give it some time and say it when you feel ready. Say it when you're tired of wanting to say it and ready to make a bit of a commitment (even though it's just words, it is a commitment).
Author Mahatma Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 There's no easy answer here. I've only said I love you once and it was a big freaking deal to me (took me five months and then about an hour on the spot to make the words come out). It's not an easy thing and I think it's good that you take it seriously because a lot of people don't. Give it some time and say it when you feel ready. Say it when you're tired of wanting to say it and ready to make a bit of a commitment (even though it's just words, it is a commitment). I like that. I know I am getting close. I know it is just going to come out at some point. I've heard her slip a couple of times and start to say it and correct herself, so she may beat me to it.
Lauriebell82 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I think you should go for it!!! Before my boyfriend said it for the first time he did a lot of "I love being close to you." I think 4 months isn't too long a period of time. My boyfriend said it after about 2ish so I think you are good. Good luck!
XNemesisX Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I guess it depends on the girl, and what she is looking for. I think most women want to know they are loved! Me, I tend not to bother with a guy unless there is a lot of passion, depth, and intensity, so if he hadn't said it after a while (three months to a year, I'd guess), I would definitely start to cool off toward him and think I might be wasting my time. Also, personally, I do not let my own feelings of love begin to grow until he verbalizes his. Again, self-protection. I agree. And right now I am starting to lose interest in my relationship because my boyfriend of nearly 6 months has still not told me he loves me. I'm starting to think he doesn't and I'm wasting my time. I have never had a guy go this long without telling me he loves me. I have also had much more of a "spark" with my exes. He is taking so long to really verbalize his feelings that I'm starting to distance myself emotionally from him (for self-protection purposes). Can you wait too long to use the "L" word? YES.
konfuzd Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 You'll know when the time is right. Trust your gut, if you're still questioning it, hold off until you feel 100% ready. As I see it, actions are much stronger than words, and if you're showing her that she's special and beautiful to you, that should be what's most important. I said it first to my bf after 11 months. He was always going out of his way to do amazing things for me, so I knew he loved me even though it had not been verbalized.
zicke Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Hmm. I'm with someone now that hasn't verbalized it, nor have I. We have "talked" about it--as in, are you getting there and both agreed that we were. But no "I love you" yet. It is not bothering me too much right now, as I really want and need to move slow. Been about 6 months-ish now. Some people just take longer to get there. My last ex said it in a month--he turned out to be a cheating liar--so saying it quickly no longer means anything more than saying it when you get to really know someone. In fact, I am no leery of anyone who is "in love" within a few months. You don't know the person well enough--you're dating their representative for the first 6 months anyways.
orangehose Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I dated one guy who didn't say it after a year, and his not saying it definitely helped me decide to end the relationship (he later confirmed that he hadn't been in love with me). I dated another guy who said it after a couple weeks, and he turned out to be a jerk. So, either way, a statement of love doesn't signify more than just "I love you" in that moment. But if you feel it in that moment, you should say it.
sandflea Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 OP, love and telling someone you love them is a gift you give to them, not the surrender of your life force.... If it's wrong, it won't matter when or if you ever say it. If it's right, you'll look at each other and just know; if that's what you're feeling, IMO, you say it when you feel it. I do this with friends too. ILY isn't just confined to one's sexual partner and/or family. It's a gift that keeps giving Yeah! Seriously...
4dviceJunki3 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Think of it this way.. If you think about her hooking up with another man or leaving you for another man, do you get an extremely sick sensation in your stomach? If yes, then you like her a lot. If HELL YES, and you contemplate thoughts of homicide for a few quick seconds, then you're in love. LOL
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