LookingForLight Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I have recently found out that my husband has fallen in love with another woman, but is in turmoil about leaving me and my two children. He desperately wants to save our family for the sake of the kids, he is very remorseful and guilt-laden, but says that his heart just isn't in it. he wants to believe that he can love me again, but his thinking is clouded by the love he feels for this other woman. I have been to hell and back, physically and emotionally, since the day he confessed (10 days ago) and want to desperately hold on to him and convince him that we can make it work. But I see in his eyes that he is struggling to commit to saving our marriage. I am wondering if I should just set him free and let him be with the one he loves, as much as it tears me apart. Or should I stay with him hoping that one day he may love me again. I would appreciate any comments and advice, especially if you have been through a similar experience. I am turning forty next month, and my biggest fear is growing old alone, can I find love again if he leaves me?
pelicanpreacher Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Right now you're reacting from a position of emotional and spiritual weakness. You've just been shocked with the revelation of your husband's infidelity and you're panicking about the future which is completely understandable. I would ask you to take a deep breath and rationally assess your marriage to truly see whether you've been happy or not. Make a list of the pros and cons so you have a better measure upon which to evaluate your marriage before you make up your mind about what ultimate direction you choose to take. By the way, what reasons did your husband give you for feeling entitled to disgrace your marriage in this way?
dead-dyke Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Well, PP, if there is anything positive about this, it's that at least he fessed up. Either way it's not a nice position to find yourself in, LFL. If he has any class, he'll bend over backwards to make it right. And that certainly doesn't include the OW. And to be fair, you should at least look at your marriage objectively, like PP said. Quite an impossible task I would think at this juncture.
skinman Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I have recently found out that my husband has fallen in love with another woman, but is in turmoil about leaving me and my two children. He desperately wants to save our family for the sake of the kids, he is very remorseful and guilt-laden, but says that his heart just isn't in it. he wants to believe that he can love me again, but his thinking is clouded by the love he feels for this other woman. I have been to hell and back, physically and emotionally, since the day he confessed (10 days ago) and want to desperately hold on to him and convince him that we can make it work. But I see in his eyes that he is struggling to commit to saving our marriage. I am wondering if I should just set him free and let him be with the one he loves, as much as it tears me apart. Or should I stay with him hoping that one day he may love me again. I would appreciate any comments and advice, especially if you have been through a similar experience. I am turning forty next month, and my biggest fear is growing old alone, can I find love again if he leaves me? I do feel for you I am in the same situation my wife of 15 years dropped the bomb a month ago telling me she no longer loved me or wanted to be married. Well 2 weeks ago she asked me to move out. the hardest thing I have ever done leaving my family and knowing that things would never be the same. Yesterday I got an email from her telling me to move on that she would never change her feelings toward me and didnt want a relationship with me or anyone else. She is 41 and i'm 43 so it is hard letting go. I dont want to let go i still have hope that she may change her mind but like i have read many times on here you cant make someone love you and stay with you. I am in the process of finding myself it is very hard being alone at this point but i know that eventually it will get easier. I am going to continue to be friendly with my wife and maybe with the good lords help she may change her mind in the future. If not I will know deep down that I did everything I could to try and save my marriage that she was the one that quit. So best of luck with this tough decision you have to make. Know that people on here are thinking of you and going through the same as you. God Bless. Skinman
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