Angel1111 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I have input - I'm just not going to make up his mind for him...it's not my kid - it's not my place to make his decisions for him. He's a grown man...made his mess...and can clean it up... Yeah, I see your point and it makes sense. I don't think I would stay in a situation like that but, having read what you wrote in your other posts about your marriage being on the skids at the time and all that, I can see where that would change the picture somewhat. I know you'll be really glad when all this initial upheaval is over with. Hugs.
You'reasian Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 She's 6 months along but thanks for the thought...it crossed my mind more than once too. So the child was conceived in May?
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 So the child was conceived in May? Yeah...concieved in May...
2sure Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 "If she really wants him out of her life and to not have anything to do with the kid, all she has to do is do nothing...in that case we would have to file a petition of paternity, have paternity established, then move forward. He isn't trying to sherk a responsibility nor is he trying to hide from it. " You have said that OW is angry that your H has decided to stay with you and the marriage. I've read your threads/posts and note that this woman is a real piece of work. Would you say that when announced her pregnancy she still had hopes that H would come back to her? If so, it didnt work and she is now probably even angrier. You bring up a very good, very important point in the quote from you above. If she wanted H to have nothing to do with the coming child, she would simply do NOTHING. But that isnt what she did. And I cannot think of any reason that right now, before the birth, and before paternity is established - that a lawyer would advise drawing up the waiver of rights. Of course, lawyers draw up paperwork for a living and as long as it is only a poor choice and not illegal - will draw up any piece of nonsense you like, for a fee. A document like this can be drawn and sent no questions asked because it essentially does nothing and can only be used to deny visitation and since signed before birth - quite easily reversed. I wouldnt assume anything yet.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 "If she really wants him out of her life and to not have anything to do with the kid, all she has to do is do nothing...in that case we would have to file a petition of paternity, have paternity established, then move forward. He isn't trying to sherk a responsibility nor is he trying to hide from it. " You have said that OW is angry that your H has decided to stay with you and the marriage. I've read your threads/posts and note that this woman is a real piece of work. Would you say that when announced her pregnancy she still had hopes that H would come back to her? If so, it didnt work and she is now probably even angrier. You bring up a very good, very important point in the quote from you above. If she wanted H to have nothing to do with the coming child, she would simply do NOTHING. But that isnt what she did. And I cannot think of any reason that right now, before the birth, and before paternity is established - that a lawyer would advise drawing up the waiver of rights. Of course, lawyers draw up paperwork for a living and as long as it is only a poor choice and not illegal - will draw up any piece of nonsense you like, for a fee. A document like this can be drawn and sent no questions asked because it essentially does nothing and can only be used to deny visitation and since signed before birth - quite easily reversed. I wouldnt assume anything yet. You're right. I'm waiting to see what happens....or I should say we are waiting to see what happens. Who knows what the future holds...I do know that my marriage will survive and will become stronger and stronger as the days pass....
2sure Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 "...or I should say we are waiting to see what happens. Who knows what the future holds...I do know that my marriage will survive and will become stronger and stronger as the days pass...." Words to live by. Divorce is not the only option, and many of us have not chosen it. Once the idea of divorce is completely put aside - moving on (and maybe up) is possible. No marriage comes with guarantees.
mental_traveller Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I recommend terminating your husband's "rights" to be in any kind of contact or marital relationship with you, via the divorce courts. Take him for everything he has, then abandon him and after that who cares about his "paternity" issues?
Angel1111 Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I recommend terminating your husband's "rights" to be in any kind of contact or marital relationship with you, via the divorce courts. Take him for everything he has, then abandon him and after that who cares about his "paternity" issues? That would've been my first reaction, too, but if you read her other posts, you'll see that Dealing points out that when her husband started seeing the other woman, their marriage was basically over and one or the other had, or was about to, file for divorce. So, she's not as offended by his relationship as she would've been had he had an affair while they were in what appeared to be a solid marriage. I think that changes things quite a bit and I think that's why she's not going through the usual cycle of hurt that a betrayed spouse goes through. Correct me if I'm wrong about any of this, Dealing. Just my observations. You're a smart lady with a good head on our shoulders. You don't seem to be staying with him because you're just clinging to a weak marriage or for the kids - nothing like that.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 That would've been my first reaction, too, but if you read her other posts, you'll see that Dealing points out that when her husband started seeing the other woman, their marriage was basically over and one or the other had, or was about to, file for divorce. So, she's not as offended by his relationship as she would've been had he had an affair while they were in what appeared to be a solid marriage. I think that changes things quite a bit and I think that's why she's not going through the usual cycle of hurt that a betrayed spouse goes through. Correct me if I'm wrong about any of this, Dealing. Just my observations. You're a smart lady with a good head on our shoulders. You don't seem to be staying with him because you're just clinging to a weak marriage or for the kids - nothing like that. Angel, not just no, but heck no. I am not staying in my marriage for any other reason then my husband and I want to have a future together. When the affair started - things were bad...very bad...ironically, I was about to file for divorce before he told me that the OW is pregnant and that he realizes what he did and how aweful....blah blah blah. We are in MC and are finally communicating for the first time in years. Something important for others to consider when they hear my story - BE careful of judging or thinking you will do one thing or another IF you were in my shoes...truth is, you don't want to be and you should be careful or else you might be!
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