Author DealingWDrama Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 For the sake of possibilities, let's lay this out in layman's fashion. This is neither legal or tax advice, just a story. Pretend that there's $2M in your joint assets. If you lock it down to a 50/50 divorce, your entitlement will equal $1M. Your ex-H will be responsible for child support and potentially alimony, jurisdiction reliant and also, whether you're working or not. When he passes away, your children will be entitled to a portion of the balance $1M. Also, when you gain control of the first $1M, you can lock down some of that into a trust fund, which could have positive tax ramifications to you. If you don't lock it down and his will expresses an equal share of all $2M, with an inheritance battle, who knows what could happen of which a substantial chunk of it could go towards a legal battle. I understand what you are saying - but think of this...we stay married and that 2 mil becomes more because of the joint interest...
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Still a DNA test needs to be done to make sure this child is his.The more I think about it, the more I would avoid a DNA test unless she's suing for child support and the courts order a paternity test. He has no obligation to anyone.
whichwayisup Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 The thing is, they need to know the truth, so a test should be done so one way or another there's either closure from all this, or a new beginning with a baby in tow..
jwi71 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Once again, I have to say - I will not take anything out on this kid...that's crazy. It's not the kids fault. Affairs are symptoms of problems in marriages - we are working on those problems...kids are symptoms/objects of affairs. If we can work past the other problems of our marriage then having another child to care for is no big deal...it's like getting the opportunity to show unconditional love to another being without the stretch marks. I told the OW that - she says I will never come within one mile of her child. I told her the courts will decide that and that I look forward to getting to know this child who will love me. That ticked her off - Very good to hear and I will not harp on "loving the child anymore". I am sorry that the OW is using her child as a pawn and a weapon. Very immature and damaging to the child. So very sad. Work on your M. Find what you can live with - and it sounds as though you have already decided in your mind to fight for the M. Endure. Expect progress. Expect setbacks. Good days. And bad ones. Expect hope. Expect it to be dashed. And recovered again. If you think I can offer anything, post or PM.
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I understand what you are saying - but think of this...we stay married and that 2 mil becomes more because of the joint interest... How can you know if you won't fall back in love with each other in two years time and want to get remarried? No one can predict the future or human emotion, not even the courts. In the interim, you've successfully guaranteed a portion of your childrens' future, with the ability for the children to ensure for their portion of the original $2M and any further earnings and realized assets beyond that.
Touche Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Of course he will be able to have one on one time with the kid - that isn't an issue. What I am saying is that the exchange of the child will not include him picking the kid up at OW's house...and she will never step one foot on my property. Oh ok, got it. And I don't blame you one bit. As for this: The child will not be denied anything, ever....if my H does pass while the child is still a child, money will already have been alloted for the child's education or whatever...but until I pass there is no arguing over the estate...it's mine. That's exactly right. Even your OWN kids would have no claim. Not sure why some aren't getting this. As for challenging a will...hell you can challenge anything you want I suppose. I can challenge Trump's will when he dies! Doesn't mean I have a legal leg to stand on. Oh and yes, Which. I meant that DWD's H and the OW's income is taken into consideration when determining child support...not DWD's income. DWD, sounds like you're dotting all the i's and crossing all your T's. This woman sounds like a witch. She has absolutely NO say regarding whether her kid will be around you or not..none. Unless there's abuse. So she doesn't have to like it. And I suspect this kid is going to LOVE you. Boy will that make her nuts. Trust me, I've been down that road too.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 If this child is his, the child can challenge the will. The child is a 6 month old fetus right now...if my husband died tomorrow then the child would not have access to anything because no DNA test could be done. AND if my husband dies 10 years from now and the child is his, the kid doesn't have a case...in my state, I get what I get and I will donate it to charity before I allow that woman to get her hands on anything I own ever again. She already touched my husband - she isn't getting my money...child support goes to the kid...child support is given when he is alive - life insurance is what she will have to get if she is worried about that. It's not my responsibility to give this kid anything once I am no longer married to the child's father.
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 The child is a 6 month old fetus right now...if my husband died tomorrow then the child would not have access to anything because no DNA test could be done. AND if my husband dies 10 years from now and the child is his, the kid doesn't have a case...in my state, I get what I get and I will donate it to charity before I allow that woman to get her hands on anything I own ever again. She already touched my husband - she isn't getting my money...child support goes to the kid...child support is given when he is alive - life insurance is what she will have to get if she is worried about that. It's not my responsibility to give this kid anything once I am no longer married to the child's father. I know you can get DNA from others within his family, possibly your children. How that ties into estates and paternity, I don't have any knowledge about.
Angel1111 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Have to disagree here. If the money is child support then its owed and not "weaseling it away". And the support should be paid regardless if he signs his rights away. This money is for the child, not the mother. Are we now advocating having affairs, producing children and then running away from said children? Sounds that way to me - no role in the child's life and not pay a dime. Please tell me I'm wrong here. And yes, certainly get a paternity test done. I totally agree with you - that's exactly how it sounds to me, too. The pregnancy would be the dealbreaker for me if I were this man's wife. But regardless of whether this couple stays together or not, that does not unobligate him from being a father to this child and, at the very least, supporting the child financially. Dealing, you may think you're doing the right thing by letting this be your husband's decision but I think it's only adding to the confusion. If you are staying with him after this (and I can't imagine why you would do that, but it's your call), then I'm sure he's looking to you for guidance and is worried about your attitude if he not only chooses to be a father to this child, but also pay child support. Sitting back and having no input isn't a wise thing to do, in my opinion. It's only distancing and estranging your relationship even more. Either you're in this together or you're not. If the tests prove this child is his, then he needs to take responsibility for that and you need to let him know that that is what he needs to do. He's already screwed up enough. He doesn't need to keep compounding his mistakes with worse mistakes.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 How can you know if you won't fall back in love with each other in two years time and want to get remarried? No one can predict the future or human emotion, not even the courts. In the interim, you've successfully guaranteed a portion of your childrens' future, with the ability for the children to ensure for their portion of the original $2M and any further earnings and realized assets beyond that. Trial you have a good point...however, I will stick it out and allow myself to continue to love and be married to a man I know is head over heals in love with me. My children's interest financially is more than protected - great advice though - to look out for my kids. I am a very generous person and am willing to make things work while considering the hearts and interests of everyone involved. However, I have no tolerance for the affair and no tolerance for my H's 'baby's mama' - none. If she wanted an easy road, she should have protected herself better from getting pregnant by a married man. I have no sympathy or empathy for her at all...the child is another story...but her - never. I never will. I also have to say, I have to sympathy or empathy for my husband as far as his portion of this mess. I'm not here with a mop - I'm here as a wife and am doing all I can to keep my family together...and so is he.
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Also DWD, your wants and desires will have no impact on how the courts view the child's potential inheritance. I'm definitely not saying your husband is going to pass away soon. I'm talking about the future.
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Trial you have a good point...however, I will stick it out and allow myself to continue to love and be married to a man I know is head over heals in love with me. My children's interest financially is more than protected - great advice though - to look out for my kids. I am a very generous person and am willing to make things work while considering the hearts and interests of everyone involved. However, I have no tolerance for the affair and no tolerance for my H's 'baby's mama' - none. If she wanted an easy road, she should have protected herself better from getting pregnant by a married man. I have no sympathy or empathy for her at all...the child is another story...but her - never. I never will. I also have to say, I have to sympathy or empathy for my husband as far as his portion of this mess. I'm not here with a mop - I'm here as a wife and am doing all I can to keep my family together...and so is he. I understand where you're coming from. Just keep in mind that you have options for the future. Good luck!
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 The more I think about it, the more I would avoid a DNA test unless she's suing for child support and the courts order a paternity test. He has no obligation to anyone. My position is, if she asks for child support or for his rights to be signed away once the baby is actually here - then YES there will be a paternity test. I don't think he will fight for his rights....so I am thinking that one day a 16 or 17 year old teenage is going to show up at my door and want to meet their father. If he doesn't have anything to do with the raising of this child - and know that I am backing his decision no matter what it is and am not going to try to talk him into anything...the last thing I want is to be to blame for a decision either way - I want us to place cash in an account for the child so that he can at least pay for the child's college...and I do mean at least.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 I understand where you're coming from. Just keep in mind that you have options for the future. Good luck! Thanks Trial. No doors are closed and no option is out the window...hugs.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 Also DWD, your wants and desires will have no impact on how the courts view the child's potential inheritance. I'm definitely not saying your husband is going to pass away soon. I'm talking about the future. I understand what you are saying completely. The thing is - the debate with the child's interest will have to be made after I am dead. I get everything when he dies...the OW could contest the will but I'm more than positive that the court will laugh at her. My cousin is a lawyer and is handling my case - I will bring this up to her though...perhaps over a glass of wine, since I'm not a big one on 'what if' games...but either way - you have given me something new to consider.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 Very good to hear and I will not harp on "loving the child anymore". I am sorry that the OW is using her child as a pawn and a weapon. Very immature and damaging to the child. So very sad. Work on your M. Find what you can live with - and it sounds as though you have already decided in your mind to fight for the M. Endure. Expect progress. Expect setbacks. Good days. And bad ones. Expect hope. Expect it to be dashed. And recovered again. If you think I can offer anything, post or PM. Thanks JW - I have often said that I am not the one being strong here - I'm usually full of piss and vinegar and ready to fight...so I know this isn't me handing this situation. I appear strong on the outside but inside Jesus has me wrapped up so tight in his arms - it's comforting.
Touche Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 You got it. Wants and desires don't enter into it. It's a LEGAL issue. Although as a couple it IS up to them what they will leave this child. They can leave the child out of the will completely (not saying they should do that) and there's not a damn thing the child can do about it. An inheritance isn't really a RIGHT generally. For the most part children have no right to inherit anything. I think that's what may be confusing some people.
Trialbyfire Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Thanks Trial. No doors are closed and no option is out the window...hugs. ((hugs)) back darlin'. I feel for you and hope for the best. Different jurisdictions have different laws so hopefully your cuz can clarify all your questions, from whatever angle. I've been through a divorce but with no children and most likely, a different jurisdiction.
Angel1111 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 You got it. Wants and desires don't enter into it. It's a LEGAL issue. Although as a couple it IS up to them what they will leave this child. They can leave the child out of the will completely (not saying they should do that) and there's not a damn thing the child can do about it. An inheritance isn't really a RIGHT generally. For the most part children have no right to inherit anything. I think that's what may be confusing some people. I don't think children have any automatic rights - unless they end up being the only living survivor in a family line or something extreme like that -maybe. To me this has nothing to do with inheritance. It has to do with responsibility.
Touche Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I don't think children have any automatic rights - unless they end up being the only living survivor in a family line or something extreme like that -maybe. To me this has nothing to do with inheritance. It has to do with responsibility. I agree Angel. But the inheritance issue does tie in with the responsibility issue. This was actually discussed at great length when H and I had our wills drawn up since I have a stepson and we have a son together. (I know...not exactly the same situation but close to the OP's.)
Angel1111 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Dealing - I'm curious as to what the current relationship is between your H and the OW. The reason I ask is because I'm wondering what motivated her to ask him sign his rights away. Did they have a dramatic break-up, or do you think she's just trying to cut all ties with him completely?
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 Dealing - I'm curious as to what the current relationship is between your H and the OW. The reason I ask is because I'm wondering what motivated her to ask him sign his rights away. Did they have a dramatic break-up, or do you think she's just trying to cut all ties with him completely? She and he have no relationship at all. She is mad he is with me and not with her...she may be completely trying to cut all ties with him, but once you bring a kid into the situation her wants are no longer valid.
Angel1111 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 She and he have no relationship at all. She is mad he is with me and not with her...she may be completely trying to cut all ties with him, but once you bring a kid into the situation her wants are no longer valid. Well, if it was that big of a deal for him to be out of the kid's life, then I suppose she should've never told him about being pregnant in the first place. Oh, well, hindsight's 20/20, as they say. And you'd just have some teenager knocking on your door someday saying, "Hi dad!" Probably would've been easier to deal with. This is just a sad situation all the way around, no matter how you slice it up. It just plain stinks.
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 I totally agree with you - that's exactly how it sounds to me, too. The pregnancy would be the dealbreaker for me if I were this man's wife. But regardless of whether this couple stays together or not, that does not unobligate him from being a father to this child and, at the very least, supporting the child financially. Dealing, you may think you're doing the right thing by letting this be your husband's decision but I think it's only adding to the confusion. If you are staying with him after this (and I can't imagine why you would do that, but it's your call), then I'm sure he's looking to you for guidance and is worried about your attitude if he not only chooses to be a father to this child, but also pay child support. Sitting back and having no input isn't a wise thing to do, in my opinion. It's only distancing and estranging your relationship even more. Either you're in this together or you're not. If the tests prove this child is his, then he needs to take responsibility for that and you need to let him know that that is what he needs to do. He's already screwed up enough. He doesn't need to keep compounding his mistakes with worse mistakes. I have input - I'm just not going to make up his mind for him...it's not my kid - it's not my place to make his decisions for him. He's a grown man...made his mess...and can clean it up...
Author DealingWDrama Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 Well, if it was that big of a deal for him to be out of the kid's life, then I suppose she should've never told him about being pregnant in the first place. Oh, well, hindsight's 20/20, as they say. And you'd just have some teenager knocking on your door someday saying, "Hi dad!" Probably would've been easier to deal with. This is just a sad situation all the way around, no matter how you slice it up. It just plain stinks. Yeah - that would have been the mature thing to do if she decided to deny the kid his biological father...but she didn't. One day at a time...
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