OWoman Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 The many responses have made me realize that of course the real issue is my husband turning to another woman. After much soul searching on both our parts we are trying to make our marriage a priority. His decision to cheat was his decision but I still hate this woman. It is something I will live with forever and thru MC medication long talks with my husband and following my heart I still love my H and want our marriage to work. NOW if it happens again I do not think I could go thru this again and he knows this wil be grounds for a D. Again I am just venting and I can't help how I feel but the OW is such a bitch and the things she has done to me are unforgivable. Especailly living in a small town , kids in same school and everyone knowing all the details. I should be just as angry at H but for some weird reason with him I am only hurt but with her the only emotion I feel is true anger. If you have decided to make a go of it with your H, it's easier to externalise your anger and hatred to a third party than to direct it to him, at this stage. If you allowed yoruself to feel anger and hatred towards him for what he did to you, it would drive a wedge between you and make reconciliation difficult. Only once things are on a more stable footing with your H again will you be able to feel secure enough in that to risk the anger and hatred that you feel about his betrayal of you - and direct those to the person who owed you loyalty, but betrayed that. I wouldn't advise contacting the OW - you have no idea what response you might get and it might set your healing back if the response triggers feelings you (thought you) had worked through. She will be going through her own feelings of anger and hurt and will likely use the opportunity of your contacting her to further her own healing, in whatever way she seeks at the time, and she will not be focussed on your healing or your needs for closure or knowledge. Besides, any information you want from her will be in doubt - reconstructed by her in the aftermath of being dumped. Just as you can't rely on what your H says happened, because he will paint it a certain way to present to you so that you find it "less hurtful" and more conducive to continuing to salvage the M, so she will likely present it in a way that would seek to undermine that, to bolster her status to protect her own self-esteem. I don't think there is really much to be gained - unless you had everyone in the same room where they could check each other, you are likely to land up in a he said, she said scenario which leaves you none the wiser.
Recommended Posts