Keslove Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I'm 25, life is good and my relationship is great. But part of me wants to be single fears the future of marriage and kids. This is my first real long-term relationship and I haven't done a lot of dating before this. I don't have the drive to travel the world or have one night stands, but something in my gut off and on says "You're not ready for marriage and kids". This is hard because in the past I have told my SO of 2.5 years that I would be ready for marriage and kids (which was true at the time). Now it's freaking me out. I don't want to string her along, but how do I decide between leaving or staying? How do I bring this up in conversation to her? Thanks
carhill Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 How does your SO feel about "marriage and kids"? You know you can't change her perspective, right? Also, your perspective has changed, about marriage and children.....why? What do you think is "out there" that you'll "miss out" on? Do you think you and your SO are compatible? Why? Many answers are found in questions
norajane Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Many answers are found in questions Very true! How would you feel if your gf left you because of this? And found another man to love? What would you do if you were single that you think you can't do now, or couldn't do if you were married? Have you and your gf talked about the timeframe in which marriage and then children would be part of the plan? Maybe she doesn't want to marry right away, and might very well want to wait until she's older to have kids. Not being ready NOW, doesn't mean you won't be ready in a couple years. Or does it?
You'reasian Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I'm 25, life is good and my relationship is great. But part of me wants to be single fears the future of marriage and kids. This is my first real long-term relationship and I haven't done a lot of dating before this. I don't have the drive to travel the world or have one night stands, but something in my gut off and on says "You're not ready for marriage and kids". This is hard because in the past I have told my SO of 2.5 years that I would be ready for marriage and kids (which was true at the time). Now it's freaking me out. I don't want to string her along, but how do I decide between leaving or staying? How do I bring this up in conversation to her? Thanks Marriage and kids - combined, maybe not but you can always take it one step at a time, my friend. Ideally, it would start out as a friendship, right? A friendship that has enough chemistry to take off into a romantic relationship, taking time to really get to know one another. Personally, I think time is an important factor. One step at a time.
carhill Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 OP, somehow I got 2.5 years as your timeline, which was a mistake. Did you and your GF ever set any such timelines for marriage? Why are you suddenly feeling "pressure"?
Author Keslove Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 OP, somehow I got 2.5 years as your timeline, which was a mistake. Did you and your GF ever set any such timelines for marriage? Why are you suddenly feeling "pressure"? I suppose the pressure is all in my head, she has done nothing directly to pressure me. We have agreed to take things as they come and not impose timelines. Realistically marriage is probably 2-3 years off and and kids 4-7 off. It's true I don't know how I will feel then, but I do know how I feel NOW. I'm scared I will string her along and won't be ready when the time comes. I can't name any one thing that I would like to do, but can't because of being in a relationship. It would give me more time to myself. I'm also scared I don't fully know myself. Advice I'm hearing from others is don't get married in your 20's and know yourself fully before marriage.
carhill Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 OK, so being with her long-term doesn't scare you or pressure you, it's the reality of marriage and children. If you had to describe one thing you "don't know" about yourself, what would you say that is? If your GF has not overtly or covertly pressured you or pressed you for a timeline and appears to be in accord about the progress of your R, where within yourself are these feelings coming from? Can you talk honestly with your GF about these feelings? Why?
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