ldn77 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Yesterday (11/10/08), my wife hit my daughter several times leaving marks on her body. Our daughter is 9. I did call the police but was to frightened to leave a official report because of the fact my wife will threaten me for divorce. I have seen signs of verbal abuse towards my daughter from her before and it was only a matter of time before it got to this stage. Our relationship is very weak and my wife is very overpowering. I fear loosing my children and I am not the kind of person to go through court battles. I fear my wife's abuse and I fear loosing my children. I am a resident to the US and my home is the UK. I someday plan to go back to the UK, hopefully as a family. But I feel as my wife is using the fact that I could loose my children over this and is using it against me. She is a US citizen as out two kids. She tends to blackmail me over matters like this. I have always felt sorry for my wife since she has gone through a lot of abuse herself and had several traumatic incidents when she was young. She has suffered some mental illness which could be part of the problem too. I am an open guy who just wants the best in life. I am homesick and have no family in the states. I don't want to loose my family here but I walk on tiptoes almost every day to avoid it. I suppress my problems which I know is wrong. I live for my children and feel hopelessly lost.
amaysngrace Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Yesterday (11/10/08), my wife hit my daughter several times leaving marks on her body. Take pictures. A picture speaks a thousand words.
Author ldn77 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 I took several pictures of the marks on the body. I was also told to record any conversations that go on which i'm trying to do.
Lizzie60 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 WHAT?????????????????????????? You are hesitating????? Do you want to sacrifice your child for the sake of a marriage with a 'crazy' woman? There is absolutely NO EXCUSES to beat a child so hard to leave marks.. We're not talking about a slap here.. How could you... abandon your child like that.. you ARE his protector for gawd's sake.. man up... You are two weak parents.. from what I read.. and you both DON'T deserve to have children.. You need to ACT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You shouldn't feel sorry for your wife.. BUT you should feel sorry for your kids.. especially your daughter.. SHAME ON BOTH OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
amaysngrace Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 You need to leave this woman. She will damage your children if you stay. She has already damaged them to some extent. One of you needs to be a responsible parent to them. She isn't doing it so it's up to you. If you stay you are letting your children know it's okay to do this and the cycle will continue. They could be abused or become abusers themselves as adults. They need you to take a firm stance and let them see that this is NOT okay. This is a drastic situation and it needs a drastic response. It's up to you.
Geishawhelk Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 ldn77, this shouldn't even be a question in your mind. If you don't act now, definitively, how will you ever be able to look your children in the eyes when they're grown, and face the fact that you stood by watching the abuse, knowing it went on - and you did nothing? Please do something about this. All the threats she is throwing at you are simply ways of controlling you. As the Biological father of your children, there is no way the courts would deprive you fo their care, but if you hesitate, you could be classed as guilty as she is. Take what evidence you have, and go and see someone as soon as you can.
Joyvke Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 First of all, lots of people are giving harsh remarks. The woman has had abuse in her own life before as well. It's due to her not getting therapy/ help for it why she is probably doing this to her own kids. She probably think its "the right thing to do". I don't agree on beating like this, I do agree parents are allowed to give a correcting tick. From what I can tell, it's beyond that case here. Get your children out of the house, maybe to grandparents? Also talk with your wife about getting therapy for this. It's not normal. If she talks about a divorce regarding this, well maybe it is for the best. You might not be a battling person, but for gods sake, its your kids as well what we're talking about.
Geishawhelk Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I had abuse as a child, I never hit my kids. I'm sorry, but whatever experiences a person had in their youth do not mean that the behaviour will be perpetuated. people are conditioned and programmed by what happened to them, but they also know that perpetuating the behaviour is not the right thing to be doing. Granted, she may well need therapy, but the most important thing to do right now, is to prevent further immediate harm to the children. Immediately. Only when official action is implemented, will this woman receive the care and therapy she needs. Here problem may need recognition. But it needs stopping first.
amaysngrace Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Here problem may need recognition. But it needs stopping first. Exactly. First do no harm. Or further harm I should say. If she wants to get well she can make that choice as an adult. Children have no choice.
norajane Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Why are you so convinced she can take your children away from you? If you file police reports against her for this abuse and have documented evidence, the courts are certainly going to take that into account during a custody hearing in the event of a divorce! Talk to a lawyer about your parental rights, and what you can expect in the event of a divorce. Don't take your wife's threats as "truth". The law is not on her side if she is abusing your child. Find out what you need to do, such as documenting evidence, to make your case stronger. Get your wife into therapy. Immediately. Do not leave your child alone with your wife. He needs a safe place where he doesn't have to fear being hit.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 If you made a 911 call, your call will be documented, including being recorded. Take your children to a trusted family doctor and have them BOTH checked over for signs of abuse. Since your daughter currently has them, this will be documented by a professional. DO THIS NOW before the signs are reduced.
Sweetcheripie Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 What did the police say when you called? I would take your nine year old to the doctor RIGHT AWAY. The doctor HAS to report it. Is your wife seeing anyone currently for her mental illness? If so, can you contact this person for some help. You sound so scared yourself. You need to take action. Once you start knowing the facts and that you will not lose your children you will feel more confident and powerful. It must be horrible for you knowing your wife could hurt her children and your wife has verbally scared you with taking the kids away from you. She is abusing you too. Your children need to know that you will fight for them and yourself. That is the saving grace for children who have been abused - in most cases, they feel more betrayed by the parent that stands by and idly watches than the actual abuser. So dig deep and find every ounce of strength you can find to protect your children. But please get her to the doctor. They are legally bound to report child abuse and I pray they help you.
amaysngrace Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 ...or made him take IMMEDIATE action....
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Yesterday (11/10/08), my wife hit my daughter several times leaving marks on her body. Our daughter is 9. I did call the police but was to frightened to leave a official report because of the fact my wife will threaten me for divorce. WHAT??? Your wife hit her so hard that she left marks, is abusive towards your child, and you are afraid she will divorce you?? You've got to be kidding me. Your first and foremost responsibility is to YOUR CHILD! And if you are worried about what might happen in the divorce, DON'T! Your daughter needs to be away from this woman. Otherwise she may grow up to resent you for not protecting her. Our relationship is very weak and my wife is very overpowering. Well you can notch that power down a bit when she spends a night in jail. And you get yourself a good, ruthless divorce attorney and he/she can be the power for you. you need to get this woman away from your daughter, NOW! I fear loosing my children and I am not the kind of person to go through court battles. I fear my wife's abuse and I fear loosing my children. Why would you lose your children?? If you report your wife, you are protecting your children from her. If you DO NOT do anything, someone may call CPS on you and you would be seen as putting your children in harms way by not getting rid of this woman. And THEN you may lose your children. You need to protect them. I am a resident to the US and my home is the UK. I someday plan to go back to the UK, hopefully as a family. But I feel as my wife is using the fact that I could loose my children over this and is using it against me. If you have her arrested and file charges, she isn't in a position to use anything against you. It will be a matter of record that she is abusive and can only HELP you in court. She is a US citizen as out two kids. She tends to blackmail me over matters like this. Again, giving her a police record of abuse will give her no standing for blackmail. YOU will have the power then. Get your kids away from this woman.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 You are two weak parents.. from what I read.. and you both DON'T deserve to have children.. This was totally uncalled for.
Geishawhelk Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Oh, wouldn't it be just great to read a post that said - "Ok, I did what you all suggested and here's the brilliant result......!"
Geishawhelk Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 This was totally uncalled for. Harsh? yes. Hard-hitting? Definitely. Uncalled for....? maybe not. Because I think what you say is also harsh, and hard-hitting and absolutely on the button. WHAT??? Your wife hit her so hard that she left marks, is abusive towards your child, and you are afraid she will divorce you?? You've got to be kidding me......... If you DO NOT do anything, someone may call CPS on you and you would be seen as putting your children in harms way by not getting rid of this woman. And THEN you may lose your children.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Harsh? yes. Hard-hitting? Definitely. Uncalled for....? maybe not. It wasn't uncalled for because it was harsh. It was uncalled for because she has no business telling this guy he doesn't deserve to be a father. I didn't tell the guy that he didn't deserve to be a father. As a father I think he needs to step up and protect his children.
norajane Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 He seems to think he has no rights because his wife is a US citizen and he is not. And it sounds like his wife is the one who put that thought into his head. Talk to a lawyer, because citizenship does not automatically mean she can take your kids away from you in a divorce - especially if you have documented evidence that she abused them. You may not be the type to go through the courts, as you said, but EVERYBODY is that type, or should be, when abuse is involved. It's your responsibility as a father to protect your kids even if it's from their mother.
Lizzie60 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 It wasn't uncalled for because it was harsh. It was uncalled for because she has no business telling this guy he doesn't deserve to be a father. I didn't tell the guy that he didn't deserve to be a father. As a father I think he needs to step up and protect his children. Not all parents should be parents.. Parents HAVE to take good care of their kids.. they HAVE to love and protect them.. If a parent cannot do that .. then they just don't deserve to be parents.. it's as simple as that.. Abusers SHOULD NOT have children.. and parents who CANNOT support and protect them... also SHOULD NOT have children under their care.. From what I read.. they both cannot do that...
Kasan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Not all parents should be parents.. Parents HAVE to take good care of their kids.. they HAVE to love and protect them.. If a parent cannot do that .. then they just don't deserve to be parents.. it's as simple as that.. Abusers SHOULD NOT have children.. and parents who CANNOT support and protect them... also SHOULD NOT have children under their care.. From what I read.. they both cannot do that... Granted Lizzie, in a perfect world, abusers would identify themselves and make the unselfish decision not to have children. I hope that we aren't going to "go there" with judgments, as the horse is already out of the barn so to speak. I applaud the OP for getting involved and contacting the police. How many of us were abused while the other parent chose to look the other way?
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Not all parents should be parents.. Parents HAVE to take good care of their kids.. they HAVE to love and protect them.. If a parent cannot do that .. then they just don't deserve to be parents.. it's as simple as that.. He wants to protect his children. he wouldn't be here if he didn't. Sounds like his wife has done a number on his head and he needs a slap in the face from us to help him. he doesn't need you telling him he doesn't deserve to be a parent.
casanovacorner Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 People are so p**** these days. I got spanked as a kid. I had welts from belts and switches and I turned out perfectly fine. Maybe if more people spanked their kids, they wouldn't be so damn bad. Funny how the worst kids are the ones that don't get spankings. Throwing fits in the store, slamming the door in their parents face, and cussing them out. Those parents don't need kids at all. And if there are any parents like that, do the world a favor and get an abortion next time. You're the reason so many jails are full. Your kids grow up thinking there is no consequences for their actions.
samsungxoxo Posted November 17, 2008 Posted November 17, 2008 People are so p**** these days. I got spanked as a kid. I had welts from belts and switches and I turned out perfectly fine. Maybe if more people spanked their kids, they wouldn't be so damn bad. Funny how the worst kids are the ones that don't get spankings. Throwing fits in the store, slamming the door in their parents face, and cussing them out. Those parents don't need kids at all. And if there are any parents like that, do the world a favor and get an abortion next time. You're the reason so many jails are full. Your kids grow up thinking there is no consequences for their actions. This psychology teacher in my class never got spanked as a kid and she turn out fine so no applying ''Oh well the more spank the better'' doesn't work for everyone esp. if it's done out of pure rage and exceeds till the point of leaving marks.
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