None of you are alone. I lost the girl I love.

[ThomasX]

I see a lot of you talking about losing the ones you love.. and I want to say that you are not alone.

 

On November 4th, the girl I dated for about 10 months, who I really believed I was meant to marry-- and who told me she thought I would be the one she'd marry-- told me she wanted to be single.

 

It was worse than a knife through the heart. More along the lines of a jackhammer through the chest in slow motion.

 

I know what it's like to trust someone so much and believe in them-- then see everything your world is built on, crumble in front of you like an Earthquake-- all your greatest fears coming true like a nightmare run loose... it's devastating and traumatizing to say the LEAST.

 

If you want to hear a little about my story I will share for your benefit. For all our benefits.

 

We had been talking for about 2 months, and I realized I really cared about her. She was initially interested in me because of my looks... she was afraid I was some kind of player though, and almost stopped talking to me. But she gave me a chance and I gave her a chance in return.

 

Well, I asked her out in a mall, while we were cuddling on a bench. She said of course she'd be my girlfriend-- and I felt complete. Everything lit up, and everything was a little more colorful.

 

The months to come were great, and we fell for each other like a fairytale. We never even argued.

 

But slowly, the differences begun to arise. She thought I was too harsh on her music (punk rock and that metro train type bs). I guess I got a little too comfortable, ya know? I never smothered her. I was always the cool guy with a heart. I did my best to let her be with her friends always-- and I did. But I was also there for her.

 

We only got to see eachother on the weekends, but we talked everyday all the time. Seeing eachother on the weekends gave us something to look forward to during the week.

 

Finally, after about 10 months, I get a txt from the girl I spent every day talking to and thinking about -- saying she loves me to death but needs a break.

 

There is no word to truly describe that type of intense pain... like your insides are being microwaved, and your heart is pumping shards of glass in the place of that blood.

 

I called her but she wouldn't budge. She was crying and cried for many of the following days...

 

She said she wanted to keep talking as friends because she didn't think she could do without me. I'm no idiot, though, so I was extremely reluctant to do this. I got her to admit she just needed time to think, and wasn't planning on being with anyone else...

 

(When I first met her, she was still getting over her ex. I know how hard the girl falls... and I was her first).

 

So because of these factors, I decided to talk to her-- but it was too painful. Especially when she stopped saying she loved me-- and ignored me when I said I loved her.

 

That's when I said hell no. I told her that if she really wants a break, I'll give her one. I told her not to contact me til she wants to see me again.

 

Well, she seemed to have no problem with that amazingly... which was upsetting, because I was always so kind to this girl and always let her know how much she meant to me. (Not suffocating amounts of love though).

 

Well, she complied. I haven't talked to her since. I broke down and the pain overcame me last night and I text her asking if she missed me as much as I do her.. and I told her I know neither of us are ok with never seeing eahocther again. I posted some great memories, like when we went to this amusement park together....

 

She never replied to me.

 

This girl is a shy girl who likes her girl friends. She doesn't party, doesn't barely drink, doesn't smoke, and doesn't sleep around. There is no simple explanation for this. Maybe her mother got into her head.

 

But it's left me broken down and a shadow of my former self yet again. This is the second time in my life I've experienced this-- and while it doesn't hurt the same way as the first girl I ever lost-- it hurts just as MUCH. Because I trusted this time would be different-- I got let down in a different way.

 

And here I am in the wake of the life I never thought I'd face. Alone.

[EmperorR]

Your not alone, stay strong.

[Gato]

i know how you feel. i know how much it hurts and how bad you want to talk to her.. but you shouldn't. she cares about you, she might have just been scared about the future. did she say why she wanted a break?

[EmperorR]

I've been there with a previous ex about a break. It's usuallly over, even if they come back in the back of your mind you will always think they did it once , they can do it again.

[Gato]

it doesn't always work like that.. it depends on the person

[ThomasX]

Thanks all for your support and replies.

 

It burns like acid to think that it truly is over forever. But I am slowly forcing myself to accept that.

 

It's the nights that are so hard, you know? You're all alone and you don't have that "cushion" to sleep on (the mental cushion of knowing someone loves you and you have someone). It's enough to rip the most solid mental states to shreds.

 

This girl had some problems. That's my only consolation now. And my friends thought she was cute but they all keep pushing me to find a hotter girl. So it helps to hear people say you could do a lot better, and you know that they mean it. I just wish I still had her, you know?

 

What a foolish decision she made. If any of you want to add me, then send a friend request on myspace to:

 

http://www.myspace.com/thomasxavierz

[melissa123]

Hey Thomas

 

Im read your post and you sound like such a lovely person. Your ex girl sounds like she just didn't appreciate what she had.

She will come to realise it in time, trust me.

 

I had an ex once whom I couldnt stand. As I went on through life I missed him more and more and all the experiences I had made me apprecaite him and what we had so much. I was young and dumb and I threw it away. To this day I still wish I hadn't.

She will most likely find a guy who doesn't match up to you at all then she will appreciate you and what you gave her.

 

I know every bit of pain you are feeling right now.

Next time you go to sleep and feel sad on your own, think of me, there will be two of us out there broken hearted and alone.

[ThomasX]

Melissa your words mean more to me than you even imagine. Talking to you and hearing you say that is about the only consolation I've really had so far. You are a good person melissa.

 

And when you go to sleep, please think of me, and also know YOU are not alone. You sound like a great person too. Seriously, you do. And from what I read in your topic, you are by FAR WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY too good for your ex

[melissa123]

Thats ok thomas.

 

You mentioned you have been here once before. And you healed and you found love again! Ok maybe this one wasn't a keeper but there WILL be a next time for you and you know it because you have been there before.

 

Please dont feel like this has anything to do with you. Your a great person and you gave everything you could, she didn't appreciate it and that is her loss.

 

Maybe you are having the same difficulity as me where everyone tells me I deserve better and its his loss. But when I think of that how could it be his loss if he dumped me!?

 

Its not like you will have any difficulties finding happiness again, your a great person and obviously have no problems in the looks department!

[ThomasX]

thank you for the compliments melissa, and for talking to me and giving me advice. everyone you just said to me, also applies to you.

 

and just because he broke up with you, does NOT mean that you dont deserve better like your friends are telling you. He could've broken up with you cuz he knows you're too good for him! Or maybe hes freaking nuts and broke up with you because the sky was too blue one day. God only knows. But I'm reading the words you're writing and you're what any legitimate guy wants. So if he doesn't want what all us legit guys want, then trust me, YOU DONT WANT HIM!

 

It IS his loss, and thats HOW you HAVE to definitely look at it. Because you are definitely a good catch. So its not YOUR fault that HE couldnt see that. Because as a down to earth dude who knows women, im DEFINITELY telling you do not change... let him suffer

[EmperorR]

Thanks all for your support and replies.

 

It burns like acid to think that it truly is over forever. But I am slowly forcing myself to accept that.

 

It's the nights that are so hard, you know? You're all alone and you don't have that "cushion" to sleep on (the mental cushion of knowing someone loves you and you have someone). It's enough to rip the most solid mental states to shreds.

 

This girl had some problems. That's my only consolation now. And my friends thought she was cute but they all keep pushing me to find a hotter girl. So it helps to hear people say you could do a lot better, and you know that they mean it. I just wish I still had her, you know?

 

What a foolish decision she made. If any of you want to add me, then send a friend request on myspace to:

 

www.myspace.com/thomasxavierz

 

Looks aren't everything though, my ex was gorgeous, but in the end a liar a cheat, and it disgust me to even look at her but I still love her:(, as the saying goes Love Transcends just the physical. Love is disposition, behavior, attitude, thoughts, likes, dislikes - these things make a beautiful woman. This is the beauty that never fades.

 

I know how it feels in the nights you go to bed with that on you rmind, wondering if she's in her bed thinking of you etc., and then you wake up in the morning and the pain comes right back.

 

Sorry to hijack your thread, but I walways remember my ex telling me how every relationship she was in the guy was horrible just used her etc., but I was the most sweetest nicest guy she ever met, and in the end I was nothing more than dirt to her.

 

We all just have to look at these relationships as a stepping stone, take what we learnt from them the good and the bad and hope for the best.

[EmperorR]

Maybe you are having the same difficulity as me where everyone tells me I deserve better and its his loss. But when I think of that how could it be his loss if he dumped me!?

 

 

God has something better in store for you, a man who will love you for you, and not desert you, dump you etc. But love you unconditionally.

[melissa123]

Thanks Thomas!

 

Your amazing! This is helping me so much!

I wish I could do and say something to make it all better for you! I really do.

I have seen this type of behaviour before in a girl, hell I did it myself and threw away my only chance at happiness.

I can assure you she will come to regret this! Maybe not now but she will.

It is just so unfortunate for you that you fell for someone who has not quite learned those lessons to hold onto those who truley cherish them.

If shes anything like me then im sure karma will get her to!

 

What may help is if you pretend you have moved on. Stop calling, txtn her etc. Just cut her out as hard as it may be.

Pretend you have a new gf if need be!

She will freak!

Who would be attracted to someone who sits around and mops? If your confident and happy (on the outside) she will realise what she is really missing out on.

You will show her you dont need her to live your life and that will give the power right back to you.

[ThomasX]

emporer my friend, thats f'd up what she did to you bro. but to hell with her. gorgeous girls are dime a dozen bro you're about to get a gf 10x better in a month or two

 

as for you melissa.. same goes for you all around. youve helped me a lot too. just talking to someone of the opposite sex who knows whatsup, is comforting, ya know? we're all in the same boat here, and i feel connected to you all, and hope you all feel connected to me. cuz im definitely willing to put myself out there to help you all

[SelfCentered]

Stay strong mate.

 

At a club tonight I felt really bad (not for the first time) about my breakup (that happend about 7 weeks ago). I wanted to go home and just go to bed. What kept me dancing with my friends was the thought that these forums would be here when I got back.

 

You're right, none of us are alone here. I wish you the best of luck.

[pushforward]

I'm sorry for you to have undergone this pain.

 

Through this pain, you will grow.

 

I cannot feel what you feel, I surely can empathize.

 

I am almost going through the same thing you are going through. My relationship was 1.5 years and it's been over for 3 months now. I treated her with respect and love. In the end, I got thrown away.

 

What I've come to realize is...

 

You may never stop loving her. But, that doesn't mean you have to be with her. She does not realize your worth. You must complete your own life before you can share with another.

 

I know it hurts. You'll get over the heartbreak. Each day the pain gets less and less. The only thing that helped me is fully believing in letting go. People change, people come and go. Just realize you'll always have yourself.

 

It seems like you grew a lot with this person. She became part of your identity. When she left, you lost a piece of yourself. That's understandable. You will also grow from this experience. Accept that it's over. I've been in denial for far too long. Life is too short to be stuck on somebody who was special. That person you fell for; is not around anymore.

 

Take the life lessons and move on. It will be the hardest thing you will go through, but it will be worth it. If she isn't your true love, imagine how happy you will be when you do find true love.

 

Keep hope! Hope that you feel better. Hope that you get over this. Hope that you will find somebody who will cherish you. Nobody can take your memories and love away from this person who has your heart. Just accept that you may always love her. Focus on you and don't worry about breaking NC. I broke NC many times before I finally realized...

 

That I'm dragging us both down. I can't let go. I'm not giving her what she wants. Eventually, you just get tired of chasing and being a doormat. From your posts I know you're a kind person and kindred people are a like. You will one day be fine and be thankful that this happened.

 

I am thankful for what I do have. I am thankful for being able to show my love to her. I am thankful for being able to say I was her best. I am thankful for having my health and a bright future ahead of me.

 

No telling what life has in store for you. Just don't give up. Don't let this drag you down. I hope you and I and every heart broken soul out there will get over this.

 

Hope in the right form; is a powerful tool. Do not hope for her to come back or realize she needs you. Only setting yourself up for disappointment. You are a little bit older than I am. But, you're young. Still plenty more of life to see!

 

It's great that you have this outlook on life that you do not need to be a man wh*re. If that's what makes you happy, then don't let anybody take that away from you.

 

Understand that you should also try to date more and see that there is more to life than this girl. Just go out for the experience and don't have any regrets.

 

Be strong my friend. If you fail, I fail.

[Blonde&Ambitious]

ThomasX I can totally relate to what happened to you. It happened to me but it was the guy that I loved who walked away from me...out of the blue...for no apparent reason. We got along great and he never gave me any reason to think he was unhappy or needed a break. I treated him like a Prince and I loved him with all my heart and would do anything in the world for him. I never gave him any reason to be unhappy with me, I never cheated on him or was mean to him but one day he just flipped a switch and didn't want to be with me anymore. It's been 3 1/2 months and now he's back with a gradeschool girl that he trash talked and supposedly "hated".

 

It hurts more than words can describe. I have lost faith in all people. I trusted him and believed he meant everything he said to me. I believed he loved me like he said but it turns out love is meaningless. I am broken now. I used to be the most self confident, happy, outgoing girl. I'm a good person, I don't do drugs or drink or smoke. I'm intelligent, pretty and talented and I always look for the best in people. I always get let down.

 

Why do people use and abuse good people? Why should I go on being a good person when I repeatedly get burned? I'm sorry for what happened to you and I can completely emphathize. Nothing hurts worse than to believe and trust in someone and then to find out everything was a lie. I hope you can get through this and be happy again. I don't know if that will ever happen for me.

[ThomasX]

Thank you pushingforward. It's OBVIOUS at you're a good person.

 

Don't worry though, take faith I won't fail. You gotta believe in yourself enough to take on the world and win. So you won't fail if I don't, right? Then you will not fail. That's a promise. My minds made of diamonds my friend, I can overcome this. Just like you.

 

You've got to set things aside and see them for they really are. The things you love, the girl you love... they're a ghost now. The only thing that exists is the girl who f'd you over. They're obviously not worth being with, ya feel me?

 

7 billion people in the world. Pretty sure 3.8 of those are female. So out of 3.8 billion females, why settle for the one(s) who will hurt you like that?

 

We gotta push forward my friend. No doubt. Cut yourself off from the past. Block out your past feelings

[ThomasX]

Blonde, I'm sorry you're going through this too. But hell, judging by your pic you posted, you at least have looks. And judging by the things you've written, you're exactly the type of female that any guy would want to have as a gf. So with those 2 MAJOR plus's, I can more than guarantee you that you'll find someone again, and soon.

 

Some people are just good liars. But as I said in an earlier post, there are 7 billion people. Just because one or two or five or six have let us down... that means nothing. They don't even make up 0.00000000000000006% of the human race lol. You got plenty to look forward to. You could date as many people as you could in an hour, everyday the rest of your life, and you would still not have even seen 1% of the population. So believe me, you got tons of options ahead of you.

 

Not all guys will let you go like that. So take faith in that. Because I am an example of a guy that wouldn't do that... cuz I wouldn't. I had some issues with my ex throughout the months and at times wanted to get far away from her, yes, but I would've at least given her a chance to explain, and a chance to change.

 

So take faith in that, ya know? Obviously all guys won't do that to you. I'm proof

[pushforward]

ThomasX I can totally relate to what happened to you. It happened to me but it was the guy that I loved who walked away from me...out of the blue...for no apparent reason. We got along great and he never gave me any reason to think he was unhappy or needed a break. I treated him like a Prince and I loved him with all my heart and would do anything in the world for him. I never gave him any reason to be unhappy with me, I never cheated on him or was mean to him but one day he just flipped a switch and didn't want to be with me anymore. It's been 3 1/2 months and now he's back with a gradeschool girl that he trash talked and supposedly "hated".

 

It hurts more than words can describe. I have lost faith in all people. I trusted him and believed he meant everything he said to me. I believed he loved me like he said but it turns out love is meaningless. I am broken now. I used to be the most self confident, happy, outgoing girl. I'm a good person, I don't do drugs or drink or smoke. I'm intelligent, pretty and talented and I always look for the best in people. I always get let down.

 

Why do people use and abuse good people? Why should I go on being a good person when I repeatedly get burned? I'm sorry for what happened to you and I can completely emphathize. Nothing hurts worse than to believe and trust in someone and then to find out everything was a lie. I hope you can get through this and be happy again. I don't know if that will ever happen for me.

 

Hi Blonde,

 

Unfortunately, things just didn't work out. Do not change yourself because you get burned by bad people. Learn the characteristics of bad people and learn to stay away. You are a good person, just because somebody you love doesn't want you anymore doesn't make them a bad person. But, the way he handled things, isn't right.

 

Do not let these few bad apples bring you down. There are guys out there who do have morals and will treat you right. Always be you; first and foremost. Always put yourself first. It's okay to be selfish. Always make your happiness top priority.

 

I learned a lesson in my break up. Regardless of how you treat somebody. Feelings change, people change. And, it's okay. Just know in your heart that what you shared was special for that brief moment. It's time to let go of it all and something better will come along. Believe it. Stop with the self defeating mentality. He may not see your worth. You surely do. You deserve better. Keep strong!

 

Thank you pushingforward. It's OBVIOUS at you're a good person.

 

Don't worry though, take faith I won't fail. You gotta believe in yourself enough to take on the world and win. So you won't fail if I don't, right? Then you will not fail. That's a promise. My minds made of diamonds my friend, I can overcome this. Just like you.

 

You've got to set things aside and see them for they really are. The things you love, the girl you love... they're a ghost now. The only thing that exists is the girl who f'd you over. They're obviously not worth being with, ya feel me?

 

7 billion people in the world. Pretty sure 3.8 of those are female. So out of 3.8 billion females, why settle for the one(s) who will hurt you like that?

 

We gotta push forward my friend. No doubt. Cut yourself off from the past. Block out your past feelings

 

Just ride it out. This is my first time going through something traumatic. I know I will grow and change for the better. Not my loss; it's hers. Sometimes people start to doubt what they have. Keep in mind that curiosity killed the cat. Your ex threw away treasure. In hopes to find more treasure. Unfortunately, we know the real world and the cruelties of it. That's why we love with all we got.

 

We try to make each day; each hour, every second that we spent with them extra special. If they can walk away from that. Let them walk. Sure, we hurt now. In the future, we will be thankful for this experience and be happy that things turned out this way. Some day we'll find that special somebody that will reciprocate what we feel. If what we experienced isn't true love and it felt that good. I can't wait until true love finds me.

 

In the end; there are no winners or losers. Just lessons to be learned and memories to be remembered. The feelings will fade, but deep down the love will always be in your heart. Do not fight it. Just accept it.

 

Love is a powerful tool. Letting go doesn't mean you let go of love. Letting go, is letting go of the hate, resentment and bitterness. I think we're people with character and substance. We're hard to come by in life. Always keep your heart of gold and put yourself first.

 

We are all young and have plenty of life/love to give. Make sure your next significant other is worth sharing it with. We are better than what they give us credit for. Believe that.

 

And if it was meant to be. One day, they will come back. It will be your choice to allow them back into your life. Or to say goodbye once again. But, it will be your choice. That's how the cycle is.

 

Keep the faith! Things do look better. You will find love once again. Do not let one bad experience or many bad experiences bring you down. Hold your head high. You can safely say that you love like no other and you do not have any regrets for loving as much as you did.

 

Sorry, long post and kind of off tangent. Sleepy from work.

[Hurtbunny]

Hi, I'm a brand new member and have been reading all of your threads. Its so inspiring read of other people just as heartbroken as I am. Thomas X and Push Foward I admire your strength of character and your ability to see the good things that will happen in the future.

 

Every time I feel the hurt I think back to a time when i was badly hurt before. I imagine my life as a film. The girl, heartbroken in the film, thinks it is the end of the world not knowing what wonderful things will happen to her. By the end of the film she has changed beyond recognition. Met different people, done different things. Her life has taken her to places she never dreamed of. And by the end, she has no regrets. She is thankful for the many twists and turns that life gave her.

 

All my life I looked for security. I looked to find happiness in someone else. We cannot do this. Security froms your OWN inner strength and being happy with yourself I guess.

 

Anyway, congratulations on your positive attitudes, I am in awe of you all.

 

H x

[pushforward]

Hi, I'm a brand new member and have been reading all of your threads. Its so inspiring read of other people just as heartbroken as I am. Thomas X and Push Foward I admire your strength of character and your ability to see the good things that will happen in the future.

 

Every time I feel the hurt I think back to a time when i was badly hurt before. I imagine my life as a film. The girl, heartbroken in the film, thinks it is the end of the world not knowing what wonderful things will happen to her. By the end of the film she has changed beyond recognition. Met different people, done different things. Her life has taken her to places she never dreamed of. And by the end, she has no regrets. She is thankful for the many twists and turns that life gave her.

 

All my life I looked for security. I looked to find happiness in someone else. We cannot do this. Security froms your OWN inner strength and being happy with yourself I guess.

 

Anyway, congratulations on your positive attitudes, I am in awe of you all.

 

H x

 

Nothing wrong with looking for happiness with somebody and being able to share it. However, when your happiness is solely based upon this person. Is WRONG.

 

Good things always happen, life isn't just black and white, neither is love.

I'm glad to have been able to help you just a little. Know that you are not alone. Even though you feel like it. There are many others who hurt. I'm in the trenches with you.

 

Back to the original topic, how are you feeling Thomas?

[Blonde&Ambitious]

Some people are just good liars. But as I said in an earlier post, there are 7 billion people. Just because one or two or five or six have let us down... that means nothing. They don't even make up 0.00000000000000006% of the human race lol. You got plenty to look forward to. You could date as many people as you could in an hour, everyday the rest of your life, and you would still not have even seen 1% of the population. So believe me, you got tons of options ahead of you.

 

ThomasX...True that some people are just good liars but it's SO hard to accept when you are an honest person yourself. I guess I foolishly expected that since I was honest and truthful that he was as well. It's going to be hard for me to trust anyone anymore. Maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn to protect myself.

 

Not all guys will let you go like that. So take faith in that. Because I am an example of a guy that wouldn't do that... cuz I wouldn't. I had some issues with my ex throughout the months and at times wanted to get far away from her, yes, but I would've at least given her a chance to explain, and a chance to change.

 

Thanks for letting me know that not all guys operate like my ex. At least there is one guy (you) on the planet who handles relationships in a respectable way. Whatever problems my ex was having (and I still have no clue to this day), he should have been man enough to talk to me about them. He should have at least given our relationship a chance to work but I guess it was much easier for him to just walk away.

 

So take faith in that, ya know? Obviously all guys won't do that to you. I'm proof

 

You sound like a wonderful guy who deserves much better than what your ex did to you. Everyone who's been through something like this, especially when it seemed everything was fine in the relationship, deserves better than the way our exes chose to end things. It's just so hard to wrap my head around it when there were no obvious problems that I was aware of. It's so wrong for one person in a relationship to pretend and act as if things are fine if they are not. It's so unfair to the other person and it leaves the other person feeling like human garbage and they don't deserve that. People need to communicate with each other or they shouldn't be in relationships. It's funny my relationship ended at the 10 month mark too so I totally connect to what you are going through. Unfortunately for me, I still have to see my ex five days a week (in school) so it makes it that much more difficult. I have so much anger toward him that he was too big of a coward to be truthful with me. As painful as it might have been, I think I would have rather known the truth instead of the lame excuses he gave for ending things. He even left things hanging by saying that he didn't know if he loved me...yeah right, now he's with someone else so I guess he figured out he didn't love me after all, huh? What a douch. At least I know in my heart that I loved him the best I could and I was good to him and his life was better for having known me. I believe someday he will wake up and realize what he lost and he will regret his decision but it will be far too late by then. Maybe he won't...but it makes me feel better to believe he will, ya know?

 

As for your ex...she seriously lost out on a great guy. From what I can tell in your thoughtful replys, she must be some kind of stupid to give you up. She and my ex must be related, no?! I hope you are feeling somewhat better. I've been at this alot longer but he was my first love so I guess it's just gonna take longer for me to get back to being my old, happy self again. We'll both get there eventually!

[pushforward]

Man of the hour with the superman complex! (Joking!)

 

How are you feeling today?

[ThomasX]

I have read everything you said blonde and I don't know what to say other than everything good you said about me, is exactly the same as far as you. youre absolutely right he'll wake up one day and realize its too late. hes a jackass

 

and im doin good pushforward. i am about to make a topic telling everyone how i got to feel better. posting now!