beautiful_stranger Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 To cut long story short, the guy I like is really interested in someone else, and has also recently shown interest in me. I think the girl he really likes rejected him.. but still agrees to see him at times at his request... she has a bf mind you, but rumor has it that she doesnt like him.. At times when she refuses to meet up with him, his friend says he gets upset and angry.. so it seems to me that he's emotionally involved.. it hurts me to see him like that really.. just shows he really cares about her.. so my question is, should i reciprocate his signs of interest? or let him know to take it easy as i dun want to be his "rebound". also what will the consequences be if one day, she turns around and tells him that she now wants him? wouldnt that devastate me? i'd feel totally played... on the otherhand, i could go for it and see how things go, and TRY not to get too emotionally attached.. and hope that he will forget about her fully sometime in future.. what should i do?! Please give me some insight!
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I agree with Geisha. Even if he does get mad when she does not show up, it is clear he has no respect for the boundaries of relationships. While I can get the confused about which one to choose thing, especially if the relationship is not a committed one. He has issues if he is pursuing another guys girlfriend, even if she is playing the cheating role. Don't get me wrong, sometimes we do get upset and angry when we don't get things our way. But, be aware that he may be taking it a bit too far. This is my suggestion to you. If you really like him and if you think he really likes you. Put him off for a few months, this means very limited contact and avoiding the subject about dating. Also let him know off the back what you won't tolerate. One of the things is playing second place winner in his heart. This is why human relationships are so iffy. You can do all the right things and it turn out great or it could turn out for the worst or vice versa. I wouldn't probably pursue such a woman. But, you know your heart and this guy a lot more better than we do. So, I would say, if you do, pursue with caution.
Author beautiful_stranger Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 yes.. I have been thinking about talking to him about it, tell him that he shouldnt contact me and continue to lead me on if in his heart he really wants someone else, and is merely picking me because he cant have her. On the other hand, I dont really know what the downside of being so open with him is. because it may appear to him an accusation of him leading me on, or he might just stop being interested all together... and me losing my chance with him
edinsvet Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 2 words: Walk away. I agree. That sounds like it can only end bad. but I think you already know this is what you should to.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 so my question is, should i reciprocate his signs of interest? Only if you don't mind being 2nd fiddle and getting hurt if the other girl ever pursues him. I wouldn't waste my time with him if I were you.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 2 words: Walk away. Listen to this woman.
Gato Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 i was in a situation like yours.. i dated him.. it ended badly. you deserve to be more than a 2nd choice.
Author beautiful_stranger Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 so can second choice ever become first choice?
Davey McG Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 If you can live with being second choice, then I guess so.
edinsvet Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 so can second choice ever become first choice? From my experiences I would say, NEVER
Balthazar Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Someone here on LS(I forget who), signs off with the comment "Never make a person for whom you are an option a priority" or something to that effect. I understand that this is advice that is easier said than done, but that doesn't mean it is not true. I have broken this rules on occasion and it has never worked out. Geisha's advice is sound, but it is up to you. Strange things have been known to happen in relationships... CHeers,
nicki Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I agree, it doesn't usually end well if you are second choice. Other than walking away, the only thing you can really do is to hold back from him and tell him "Hmm, Seems like you want to be with what-her-face. I don't want to be part of a love triangle. Sorry, I can't do that. Let's be friends." Then talk about other guys you think are hot, date other guys, and act bored whenever he talks about the other woman or say you have to go if he does that. AND don't get physical with him, not even a kiss. Sometimes, the best motivator can be the mere PROMISE of sex, and many guys will leave behind their hang-ups to get the girl. Funny how quickly a guy can get over a woman if another one won't let him have his cake and eat it, too. But, really, what a lot of work for a guy who might turn and run if she ever gives him a chance. Then you would be heartbroken. Maybe it would be best to tell him how you feel, and tell him he can ask you out when he's more emotionally available, but until then YOU aren't available. Or just walk away and focus on a better prospect. You never know. He might get over this other girl down the road. Or he might not. But at least YOU are moving forward with your life and not limiting your choices. Sometimes that kind of attitude can be a kick in the pants to someone who is acting dysfunctionally. Sometimes not. But that's his deal, not yours.
Meaplus3 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Forget about him. You deserve to be #1 never second in anyones book. Good luck. AP:)
amaysngrace Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 he might just stop being interested all together... and me losing my chance with him So....what you're saying is that a guy who is into someone else and only half interested in you is better than no guy at all? You need to set your standards higher for yourself.
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