Dmoney28 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 To all the men out there…you better hold on to your woman like a rusty G.I Joe with the kung fu grip…..because I got some simple advice for you, and if there is any speck of intelligence and common sense in your head….. you should heed my warning…..DONT F*** UP!!!!!….for god sake don’t you ever mess up....DONT EVER.....EVER cheat and betray her trust…..you got one life…and one special person to share it with. And the pain and turmoil it causes is incomprehensible, it will make a grown man weep like a toddler, drowning in his own tears and a tough guy collapse to his knees in melancholy…….The pain will feel like a piercing of soul and spirit …joints and flesh…shattering of a blessing and a curse of eternal malediction . And the only reason I use the word Pain….is because there is no word in the 6809 human languages that can even come close to describing the feeling. A sorrow that haunts both nightmare and daydream. ….Nothing is worth seeing the pain in her eyes when you hurt her….and I can honestly say that with great conviction from the bottom of my shattered heart.
Reggie Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Presumably, this advice applies to cheating women as well? Women are cheating as much as men these days. It does suck the life out of one.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Very well said, but only one problem, the need to gratify oneself within these cheaters is stronger than the need to refrain from hurting and betraying someone. Cheaters make their choice, I only hope the people they betray come to the realization that they don't have to live with that choice.
DealingWDrama Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Sounds like you are truly remorseful....blessing to you and I hope you and your wife are able to move past this infidelity and conquer.
troubadour Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 For those idiots thinking about cheating.... Strong words.... Dmoney28. But don't you think that it is a bit hipocritical for you to call anyone an idiot who is considering cheating. Afterall you have enjoyed your piece of cake but now you want to denay the others the same. You have to admit it is not fair. I am not saying that cheating is fair. Like they say the cheaters are the greatest bigots. They always try to FIX the world after they had their cake. But the word is AFTER...
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 For those idiots thinking about cheating.... Strong words.... Dmoney28. But don't you think that it is a bit hipocritical for you to call anyone an idiot who is considering cheating. Afterall you have enjoyed your piece of cake but now you want to denay the others the same. You have to admit it is not fair. I am not saying that cheating is fair. Like they say the cheaters are the greatest bigots. They always try to FIX the world after they had their cake. But the word is AFTER... No, it's not hypocritical. He's learned his lesson and is remorseful. In doing so, he's trying to make a difference to people who are considering the same horrendous path that he took. As an ex-BW, I can respect this. Realistically speaking, it won't do much good because no one believes they'll be caught. But at least he's trying. A for effort.
SueBee3490 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Now take the pain you felt at the the "cheater" and mulitply that tenfold and you'll feel the pain of the "cheatee". Nothing has ever hurt me more than being cheated on by someone I loved.
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 ...Realistically speaking, it won't do much good because no one believes they'll be caught. But at least he's trying. A for effort. You are so right. That's why I feel little pity for cheaters and their partners who suffer the consequences they suffer. I do hope you have learned your lesson and you use this lesson to make you a better man in your future relationships.
carhill Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Reading the OP's past threads, I'd counsel more neutral ground and a more moderate progression of contrition and responsibility. Fundamental change takes time and lots of work and words are just that, words. Come back in a year and reflect on the process. It's really good for the soul
Author Dmoney28 Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 i understand where alot of you are comming from. And i value your input. Hyporitical?....not so much. I had my cake....ate it...got sick, then threw it up. The greatest part of being a human being is learning and then correcting ones behavior to prevent future hurt. Now it takes more humility and a humble attitude to accept your faliure and prevent it from happening again, than to repeat the offense. Am i sorry for what i have done...yes. Will i do this again...No. Touch a hot stove..burn your hand....and you learn not to touch it again...because it caused pain, and it leaves a nasty scar to remind you of that pain. Cheat on your wife/GF....see her/his hurt...and you learn not to do it again...with or without her/him.....it leaves a emotional scare that will remind you of that pain you caused. Now if you continued to touch a hot stove over and over and over again, then either you have mental problems, a socialpath or your hand is too calloused to feel the pain anymore....then there is no hope for you to change. Causing hurt once is enough for me. I dont like causing pain. Once a cheater...always a cheater? I guess, if humans developed the power to see into the future...or suddenly developed the power of telepathy and can read the intentions of the heart...."But Dmoney28, bad behavior ALWAYS dictates future actions".....hmmm, why do have prisons and a criminal system, why isnt every offender shot dead in the street....in our society we punish and rehibilatate...so these offenders pay for thier actions and become productive members of society( Now i know alot of you might feel that cheating and murder is the same...but a BS is still "alive" after the ordeal and eventually moves on). Do all offenders remain changed...no, but some do. These are the remorseful, the repentful...ones who seen the pain they cause and refuse to go back, because of the power of positive change. Im not trying to make myself to be this born again, reincarnate of supreme moral purity in this ugly world....all i know is im only human....i hurt someone, and i realize that it was the most tragic, painful and shelfish thing I did to my girlfriend, and whether you belive me or not...i did everything humanly possible to show her i was remorseful, repentful and regretful for my actions. "But Dmoney28, why didnt you think about that before you did it"...the same reason why people cheat on taxes, the same reason why people say hurtful things, the same reason why people verbally abuse thier children....the same reason why we all do or say things that we wish we could take back.....because were ALL human and subjsect to imperfection and sin, and 100's of enviromental and mental variables. If we wernt the world would be sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time. Not every person is evil and bad.....no matter how much they hurt you..they can and would show that they are remorseful There wouldnt be a forum like this. I chaneged my behavior through psycholgist sessions, group councelling, religion (im dedicating myself to become a christian) to change myself for the better...to learn from my mistake....and move on. Unfortuatly i dont posses a time machine yet...so the past has happened...i cannot change it, Only thing i can do is prevent it from repeating itself. Will she take me back?, thats not my descion..but hers. If she did, will the relationship be 100%?..no. But she would have made the choice. She is an adult, and after time as past to heal, she is the only one who will live with either choice. All i can do on my part is not touch the stove ever again...because the severe scar on her heart and the scar on mine would prevent that from ever happening again. I apologize for the long post or "rant", just wanted to tell people out there they can always make that positive change...if they want to. And not to let the 99% "perfect" people in the world discourage them from proving yourself changed and remorseful. 1
Reggie Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 For those idiots thinking about cheating.... Strong words.... Dmoney28. But don't you think that it is a bit hipocritical for you to call anyone an idiot who is considering cheating. Afterall you have enjoyed your piece of cake but now you want to denay the others the same. You have to admit it is not fair. I am not saying that cheating is fair. Like they say the cheaters are the greatest bigots. They always try to FIX the world after they had their cake. But the word is AFTER... I'm no fan of cheaters. But, who are "they" that say this bigot thing? If "they" are always saying it, I've never heard it,
Reggie Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 i understand where alot of you are comming from. And i value your input. Hyporitical?....not so much. I had my cake....ate it...got sick, then threw it up. The greatest part of being a human being is learning and then correcting ones behavior to prevent future hurt. Now it takes more humility and a humble attitude to accept your faliure and prevent it from happening again, than to repeat the offense. Am i sorry for what i have done...yes. Will i do this again...No. Touch a hot stove..burn your hand....and you learn not to touch it again...because it caused pain, and it leaves a nasty scar to remind you of that pain. Cheat on your wife/GF....see her/his hurt...and you learn not to do it again...with or without her/him.....it leaves a emotional scare that will remind you of that pain you caused. Now if you continued to touch a hot stove over and over and over again, then either you have mental problems, a socialpath or your hand is too calloused to feel the pain anymore....then there is no hope for you to change. Causing hurt once is enough for me. I dont like causing pain. Once a cheater...always a cheater? I guess, if humans developed the power to see into the future...or suddenly developed the power of telepathy and can read the intentions of the heart...."But Dmoney28, bad behavior ALWAYS dictates future actions".....hmmm, why do have prisons and a criminal system, why isnt every offender shot dead in the street....in our society we punish and rehibilatate...so these offenders pay for thier actions and become productive members of society( Now i know alot of you might feel that cheating and murder is the same...but a BS is still "alive" after the ordeal and eventually moves on). Do all offenders remain changed...no, but some do. These are the remorseful, the repentful...ones who seen the pain they cause and refuse to go back, because of the power of positive change. Im not trying to make myself to be this born again, reincarnate of supreme moral purity in this ugly world....all i know is im only human....i hurt someone, and i realize that it was the most tragic, painful and shelfish thing I did to my girlfriend, and whether you belive me or not...i did everything humanly possible to show her i was remorseful, repentful and regretful for my actions. "But Dmoney28, why didnt you think about that before you did it"...the same reason why people cheat on taxes, the same reason why people say hurtful things, the same reason why people verbally abuse thier children....the same reason why we all do or say things that we wish we could take back.....because were ALL human and subjsect to imperfection and sin, and 100's of enviromental and mental variables. If we wernt the world would be sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time. Not every person is evil and bad.....no matter how much they hurt you..they can and would show that they are remorseful There wouldnt be a forum like this. I chaneged my behavior through psycholgist sessions, group councelling, religion (im dedicating myself to become a christian) to change myself for the better...to learn from my mistake....and move on. Unfortuatly i dont posses a time machine yet...so the past has happened...i cannot change it, Only thing i can do is prevent it from repeating itself. Will she take me back?, thats not my descion..but hers. If she did, will the relationship be 100%?..no. But she would have made the choice. She is an adult, and after time as past to heal, she is the only one who will live with either choice. All i can do on my part is not touch the stove ever again...because the severe scar on her heart and the scar on mine would prevent that from ever happening again. I apologize for the long post or "rant", just wanted to tell people out there they can always make that positive change...if they want to. And not to let the 99% "perfect" people in the world discourage them from proving yourself changed and remorseful. This seems right to me.Lord knows I've done some ****ed up things> Pepole can learn and do have remorse. This is a breath of fresh air as compared to the posts on the OW/OM forum where they cheer each other on for cheating. Good work.
frannie Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 "But Dmoney28, why didnt you think about that before you did it"...the same reason why people cheat on taxes, the same reason why people say hurtful things, the same reason why people verbally abuse thier children....the same reason why we all do or say things that we wish we could take back.....because were ALL human and subjsect to imperfection and sin, and 100's of enviromental and mental variables. If we wernt the world would be sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time. But with that in mind, why come on here calling people who are every bit as human and frail as you are (or in your mind 'have been'), 'idiots'? You've (hopefully) learnt from your mistakes, and want to think that your behaviour will be different in the future. That's great. But we haven't all got there yet. Doesn't make us idiots.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I apologize for the long post or "rant", just wanted to tell people out there they can always make that positive change...if they want to. And not to let the 99% "perfect" people in the world discourage them from proving yourself changed and remorseful. Can people change? Sure, I suppose. It would be rare for me to think a cheater will never cheat again. But I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. But what a cheater must realize is they shouldn't expect to be able to keep the person they cheated on. They can learn from their mistakes, but apply it to someone in the future. The damage is already done to the person they hurt.
jj2007 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Now take the pain you felt at the the "cheater" and mulitply that tenfold and you'll feel the pain of the "cheatee". Nothing has ever hurt me more than being cheated on by someone I loved. My thoughts exactly. Maybe he learned his lesson, maybe not but I know that his SO is hurting a lot more than he is........
Sumnersgal Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 You're absolutely correct. The pain is indescribable and a peice of you dies when you find out your SO has been unfaithful. However, it's nice to know that you recognize the pain you have caused and not simply swept it under the rug in order to make yourself feel better. I hope you and your W can work through this. I know from the BS point of view, it opened my eyes to the problems in our marriage that I helped contribute too. We're slowly finding our way back to where we were when we met. I wish the same for you!
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