Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 PS. I love how everyone in this thread indulged you with their compliments, it must be great to have people play into your thing where you go, "I'm fat/ugly/weird" and they go, "No, you're not!" I told him what I saw (a perfectly nice body) because I think he has a distorted view of himself. He is honing in on this one perceived imperfection in a way that most people just aren't going to do. Plenty of women (like me) would like at him shirtless and think, "Nice bod!" That's an important fact to convey.
Author kashmir Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Ok seriously kizik, chill out. I don't know what you have against me but it seems like you've been picking on what I write on here. I'm not going to sit here and argue with someone who's being irrational, because no matter what I say I'm sure you're going to have this biased attitude towards me for whatever reason. Peace.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 How is it someone insecure about their body can stick up some photos of it all over the internet? I mean, if you're that insecure weren't you expecting everyone to go ewwww? I'm not digging at you here, it just doesn't make any sense to me.
kizik Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Hey man, you asked. Next time don't ask unless you're prepared to hear someone's honest opinion. Logically it is counter-intuitive to start a thread, ask for advice, and then tell people to chill. If you don't want feedback that doesn't simply feed your ego - don't ask questions on an open forum. "peace"
kizik Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 How is it someone insecure about their body can stick up some photos of it all over the internet? I mean, if you're that insecure weren't you expecting everyone to go ewwww? I'm not digging at you here, it just doesn't make any sense to me. That's just narcissism masked as false humility. It's like a hot chick saying she's fat... kind of laughable actually. What's even funnier is the inability of users to see thru the transparent facade...
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 That's just narcissism masked as false humility. It's like a hot chick saying she's fat... kind of laughable actually. What's even funnier is the inability of users to see thru the transparent facade... You're too perceptive for your own good
Isolde Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I mean, I think the "beauty is inside" thing has become a cliche piece of advice, because we all know looks matter a bit. But when it's only a minor imperfection here and there it actually HELPS you. People like having imperfections to love, it makes them feel like they relate to you and makes your great physical qualities look even better. For example my face isn't exactly symmetrical. I look different from profile 1 and profile 2. However it hasn't stopped me from being found attractive by some guys. I hope that made even a little sense.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 That's just narcissism masked as false humility. It's like a hot chick saying she's fat... kind of laughable actually. What's even funnier is the inability of users to see thru the transparent facade... Maybe I'm naive, but you know, I'm female, so I understand very well the pressure to fit into a certain beauty ideal. I think it's pretty clear from the first post in the thread that kashmir did not start it to solicit a big ego stroke. I like you well enough, kizik, but I have noticed that you come off as pretty bitter, judgmental, and antagonistic sometimes.
Author kashmir Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 I did make this post in a public forum, and anyone is allowed to respond how they they, just as I'm allowed to respond to their responses. You can believe or not believe me if you wish. I can't make you do anything. You can stay here and keep posting about how I'm a self-absorbed narcissist. I can't stop you. All I can do is say that you're wrong. Commitment, to answer your question, I'm very insecure about this but I was willing to come out and face this insecurity by posting such pictures and describing my issue. I've delayed doing this for a long time, but I finally told myself, "it's just a body." I suppose that's a step in the right direction as far as attitude. This attitude is wrong, I know it. I'm too focused on finding perfection and can't look at what I've accomplished already. This attitude is fueled by lots of forms of pressure - around me at school, in my sport which is very weight-conscious, and most of all from growing up being abused for my body. Nothing is wrong in having interest and pride in fitness, as I do, but as anything...an excess of ambition is never a healthy thing. I said I'm not going to argue with you kizik. All I'm going to say is it seems like you're taking tiny things I write here way out of proportion. For example, you referenced that one comment I made as rude and condescending. I didn't mean it in either of those ways, nor as a way to belittle someone else. It was a play at humor, hence the (). And you're telling me to get a sense of humor, eh?
sultry33 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Maybe I'm naive, but you know, I'm female, so I understand very well the pressure to fit into a certain beauty ideal. I think it's pretty clear from the first post in the thread that kashmir did not start it to solicit a big ego stroke. I like you well enough, kizik, but I have noticed that you come off as pretty bitter, judgmental, and antagonistic sometimes. agree.. but being honest;) Kashmir I dont think there is one person who is 100% happy with there body or look you just have to accept yourself and max up the bits you do like:) the right girl will not care belive me.. i could not stand body hair and my ex was like a teddy bear.. i still cuddled him;) me i hate my feet..
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Commitment, to answer your question, I'm very insecure about this but I was willing to come out and face this insecurity by posting such pictures and describing my issue. I've delayed doing this for a long time, but I finally told myself, "it's just a body." I suppose that's a step in the right direction as far as attitude. This attitude is wrong, I know it. I'm too focused on finding perfection and can't look at what I've accomplished already. This attitude is fueled by lots of forms of pressure - around me at school, in my sport which is very weight-conscious, and most of all from growing up being abused for my body. Ok, well that makes sense. Kashmir, I think you need to take it easy on yourself. I do get where you're coming from. Some peoples emotional maturity peaks very early, and some people come into their own at some point in their twenties. I think you are the latter. It's ok to be a slow burner you know, in fact it's positively better.
sultry33 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 agree.. but kizik is being honest;) sometimes hurts others im a tell it as it is girl so i get what kizik means
Author kashmir Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Ok, well that makes sense. Kashmir, I think you need to take it easy on yourself. I do get where you're coming from. Some peoples emotional maturity peaks very early, and some people come into their own at some point in their twenties. I think you are the latter. It's ok to be a slow burner you know, in fact it's positively better. I agree with you. Honestly, I think I became intellectually mature very fast, but emotionally mature slowly, as you said. As a result, I tend to understand why things happen and am very rational, surrounded by a generally irrational environment, but my immature emotional side fights that intellectual side and sometimes wins over, compromising logic and patience for the desire for emotional pleasure.
johan Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Life is much easier when you don't analyze things too much. It's good to have the ability to think things through and figure them out. But it's not good to apply that skill to everything. Economize on that mental energy. You have to learn to be comfortable with who you are.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I agree with you. Honestly, I think I became intellectually mature very fast, but emotionally mature slowly, as you said. As a result, I tend to understand why things happen and am very rational, surrounded by a generally irrational environment, but my immature emotional side fights that intellectual side and sometimes wins over, compromising logic and patience for the desire for emotional pleasure. Well, I agree with what johan just said and I also think that at some point you will become way more comfortable in your own skin. Life has a habit of doing that to you as a male as you get older. Seriously I think you'll be in demand from the opposite sex when you reach your mid 20's, although that comes with it's problems too.
D-Lish Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Your body looks no different than most of the guys I have dated. The guy I am currently seeing is a little soft in some areas... and a tad shorter than I am. I am head over heels for him regardless because he makes me laugh and he treats me wonderful. He's also wildly hairy... something I am not used to with north american men. But I like him- and his body is hot to me because I like him. Alternatively- dating someone overly skinny is a huge turn off. You don't have man boobs. I could pinch an inch on my guy too- and I don't even think about it. The other day I was seated behind him and I reached around and stroked his belly and pinched his little paunch... I love his paunch- and I think he looks amazing naked. Don't worry so much. I like your body- it's more than fine.
Author kashmir Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Well, I agree with what johan just said and I also think that at some point you will become way more comfortable in your own skin. Life has a habit of doing that to you as a male as you get older. Seriously I think you'll be in demand from the opposite sex when you reach your mid 20's, although that comes with it's problems too. I'd like to think that, it's just that so many people, usually mentors whom I have great for, have told me, "college is the best time for you. You should meet a girl that you like in no time." Should is the key word. I feel like something is wrong because I haven't yet.
Author kashmir Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 You don't have man boobs. I could pinch an inch on my guy too- and I don't even think about it. The other day I was seated behind him and I reached around and stroked his belly and pinched his little paunch... I love his paunch- and I think he looks amazing naked. Don't worry so much. I like your body- it's more than fine. A bit off topic, but if I ever do have a girlfriend, that's something I'll have to get used to. As I said, any kind of stimulation in my chest makes me shake and even jump back a bit. Someone grabbing there makes me feel like I'm about to explode, and usually I'll snap my arms and pull the person off instantly. I do this with anyone...even if it's a friend who I like that's just goofing around or my own mother. If a girl started getting all touchy-feeling with me, I'd have to discipline myself not to jump when she grabbed at my chest.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I'd like to think that, it's just that so many people, usually mentors whom I have great for, have told me, "college is the best time for you. You should meet a girl that you like in no time." Should is the key word. I feel like something is wrong because I haven't yet. College can be an awkward time for a lot of people too. There is no such thing as "should", I lecture at a Uni and I've been in that environment for years so I come across all sorts of students. Like I say people go at different paces so try not to be so phased about where you are, where you "should" be, or what anyone else is doing because that journey is yours alone to live and experience. You don't need to put so much pressure on yourself, you're doing fine.
kizik Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I like you well enough, kizik, but I have noticed that you come off as pretty bitter, judgmental, and antagonistic sometimes. Hey, that's fine. My feelings are not hurt. Plus, I'm just some guy who says things on the internet. Like me or not, we're never going to meet, so we don't have to be best friends, or friends at all. While we're trading opinions of each other, sometimes you come off as
Star Gazer Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I think you have a great body. Better than the guy I'm currently dating, even...who makes me swoon.
edinsvet Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Kashmir First off it was very bold of you to post those pictures. I hope somehow this helps you deal with this issue. Everyone here says you look fine and I agree. But I thought maybe I could share something with you. Up until I was about 19 I thought my nose was too big. I was obsessed with it and thought about it constantly. I wanted a nose job, and thought no girl would like me with my big nose. One day I just accepted it. Now I like it. Then I thought my skin was too pale that bothered me for 2 years. Then I was worried about my hair. Then I was concerned I am too short. And the beach forget it, I was terrified to show my body in Public. For me your problem sounds the same as mine. Today I love my nose, my pale skin, my height, and my buzzed hair. I have no problem going to the beach or a public pool. I even enjoy the opportunity to show off my unique figure. This is really corney, but one of the things that really helped me is I try to imagine what type of dog I would be. For me all dogs are beautiful. So I have Freckles, OK I am like a dalmation or spotted dog. I am pale, OK a light dog not and not a black one. I am short, so a bulldog not a doberman. And then I imagine what this dog needs to do to get the life he wants, and respect in the dog world. And how a dog would feel about such things like his body. I imagine the dog playful bright eyed and radiant in every situation easily making friends with every being he comes across. I also imagine the dog focused on the goal he wants and not self conscious at all. Like a puppy. Maybe this seems sort of silly but for me it worked. Looking back, I realize that I caused myself so much pain by focusing for years on what I thought were my weaknesses. But they really weren't important. If I could go back, I would focus on things on I could control. Like what actions I will take to get the most out of every situation I was in at the time. Hope that helps
nicki Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Edinsvet, Brilliant, insightful AND helpful! What a sexy attitude.
quankanne Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 that IS a pretty neat way of looking at it, edinsvet – it can be hard for someone to like what they see in the mirror, even if that person is movie-star quality, so taking a step back and looking at those qualities in a "less threatening" way is good. kashmir, thanks for the confirmation on the levi's, you've made this chick's day just knowing kids actually still wear them (I'm stuck on the 70s ideal of hot men – wearing 501's and not much else, showing off the hair on their chests and really low maintenance ... grrrrrr!). okay, a little bit of a confession: At your age, I was pretty hard on myself for not being the hot, hard-body cheerleader type – kind of hard when you're a short curvy little Mexican, you know? And I bashed myself for what I wasn't. Then I went away to college and met people who looked past the physical and like me for the person I am, not what I looked like, and it made me feel better about myself. To a point where I finally decided that looks, while somewhat important, aren't really what makes the person, and that people who felt otherwise were people who weren't worth wasting my time on. You know, get rid of that stinkin' thinkin' by surrounding yourself with people that help you boost your self-esteem because they see the "real" you. from the sound of it, you're getting input from women who bombard you with that stinkin' thinkin' because of some stupid ideal they've got of male beauty. No, you're not model material – you're a real live hunk of boy, one that I would happily flirt with and chase after if I were a little bit younger and a lot more single. maybe it's time to remove yourself from those people who make you feel crappy about yourself, and start seeking out women who accept you as you are, and who make you feel good about what you DO have, not crappy about what you lack. You might have to start looking at girls several years older than you but I think you'd be pleased once you found one you clicked with.
Lizzie60 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Huh??? What boobs?... I was measuring your thumbs... Methink you just want to show off your nice toned body...
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