kashmir Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 We all have our insecurities, just not all of us admit them. Something's been bugging me a while and I wanted to get it off my chest. I've always been insecure about my chest and stomach areas. I was overweight when I was younger, and I got picked on a lot because of it. The primary target was my man-boobs. Guys would grab at them, hold me down and twist them, and constantly joke about it. I've lost that weight since then, but the man-boobs haven't totally gone away in my eyes. I see guys with rock-hard chest and women attracted to them. I feel like the second a girl would touch my chest she'd feel a bit of softness, laugh in my face, and dump me. Similar things have happened...girls hug me and then back up and feel my chest and tease me about it. One time I was at a party and these two girls were feeling this guy's hard abs and chest. Then they wanted to feel mine, started grabbing before I could even react, and pulled away quickly saying "EWW." I flipped on them, telling them to get lost and that I didn't need their stupid asses touching me. I'm not a baby. I make fun of myself all the time, but if there's one thing that gets to me, it's my chest. I have really bad memories about it, and any time someone stimulates my chest physically or mentions it verbally, conditioned physical and mental pain run through me. Here are some body shots I just took off my laptop. The third one is me grabbing as much of the fat and tissue as I can around my breast, to show what's muscle and what isn't. It's kind of gross, so I figured I'd give you a heads up. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v726/Sheo/Photo31.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v726/Sheo/Photo32.jpg http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v726/Sheo/Photo34.jpg I'm an athlete now and exercise every day, burning probably around 1500 calories/day from exercise, as well as muscle building stuff. 6' 1" and a85 lbs. I can't seem to shake the thought of lacking a fit body that's attractive to women though. When you used to be a fat, your skin is very loose and doesn't make you look really cut and tight. I feel like at this age, girls only want the guys who have perfectly cut bodies, cute faces, and wear muscle-tight hollister and a&f.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I think you have a very nice body and have nothing to be self-conscious about. I myself prefer a guy with a little meat on his bones. Women who prioritize perfect pecs and abs over the whole package are usually pretty superficial and shallow, and probably not worth your time in the long run. I would rather have a guy who excites me on levels beyond the physical rather than a dumb or insensitive guy with a perfect body any day.
johan Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I see no problems. You look like a normal guy.
Isolde Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Yep, totally normal! You're just 19, right? It's very common for guys to lose weight and look more toned in their early twenties. If you continue exercising, you'll likely just keep looking better and better.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Your body is perfectly fine! There is nothing wrong with it. In fact, some women prefer some softness to their men. I think you are allowing your past experiences to colour your current thoughts. You are only hurting yourself further by doing this. Be objective about yourself!
Green Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I looked at your pictures and I was suprised by how much softness there was in your chest when you actualy grabbed it. But seriously dude Don't worry about it your body is fine and its only a tool for you soul. Your more then just the skin your in don't forget it. Who cares what other people think about your body as long as your healthy and having fun in it. No girl is going to touch you and think anything bad. Any time a girl criticizes the way I look I just make fun of them and hope they cry so I can lick the tears
cherrybaby Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 you look great! The key is confidence. If you come across as confident, you can't loose. There is nothing sexier than confidence, and women pick up on that. Not all women like guys who look like Abercrombie models..I certainly don't because most of the time, those guys are vain pigs. Keep up the good work with working out, but really, you look fine!
Geishawhelk Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I had a BF when I was much younger, who had a really toned body, and hard pec's. It was like stroking a stone. I've never been so uncomfortable cuddling someone in my life. In the end, we broke up. He found someone he loved more than me. Him. The give-away? He kept taking me to this restaurant that had mirrors in the entrance lobby, and in the dining area. He always wanted to face the mirrors, and when we went in, he always took the side where the mirrors were, in the lobby, to check himself out. Be natural, be relaxed, be happy. If you are, ladies will be too. It's their problem, not yours.
kizik Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Who cares what you look like. As long as you have a winning, intellectual, funny, spontaneous and kind personality, women will find you, and will also find you attractive. I suggest you spend more time worrying about more important things, like school, work, or any number of goals you've set for yourself. ps. I didn't look at your pics
Author kashmir Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 I'm totally serious, and I was even a bit wary about posting these pictures because I hate the way they look. I know this is mostly psychological. As I said, whenever that area is stimulated by anyone, even myself, I feel pain and stress. I get motivated to go out on a ten mile run or something, thinking that it will help me lose it. It doesn't help much, though. I have a low body fat count, but most of my fat is concentrated in the chest, along with gland tissue that I can't get rid of. My stomach is looking better...it sometimes looks really defined, but it's not like I have 6 rocks like a lot of guys around here do. Granted, these guys are 140-160 pounds, and I could easily kick the crap out of them and am much stronger...but that hardly matters. Kizik, point taken. I knew a few people would tell me what you did. Thing is, I know I'm smart, witty, and have an interesting personality. It might not be visible through this thread because this is my Achilles' heel...the one thing that seems to break down everything when attacked. And I know people and girls still notice it as some bother me about it. As I said, anything else I can stand against and brush off, but this is one specific thing that I seem to be defenseless against.
amaysngrace Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Do you belong to a gym because they have that one thing where you bend your elbows and push the two pieces together in front of your chest. That could help. Please remember that nobody sees your imperfections the way that you do. You zero in and them while you forget about all your assets. Everybody does that. From your pictures I think there is enough good going on that even if I noticed it I'd have enough other stuff good to look at to accept it. Nobody's perfect.
kizik Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 You've got your mind on some pretty weird things... I don't understand why you're so self-obsessed. Maybe try thinking less about yourself and more about others.
nicki Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Wow, you have a GREAT body. No need to worry about anything. I don't think you are being objective enough about this. Maybe because you used to be heavier? From your post I thought I was probably going to tell you to go get lipo if you had big man boobs.....but you don't, so I won't say it. Your body looks amazing, as is. That said, a great body can't make up for the lack of a great man inside of it. Really, that is so much more important to most women....
nicki Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I'll tell you a little secret. If a woman feels completely loved and adored by you, and you are confident with great character and integrity, then she will think you are perfect in physical appearance. She'll even think any perceived "imperfections" are cute/and or hot because they make you you.
norajane Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 It's common for people who used to look a certain way growing up to carry that image of themselves in their heads as adults. I'm sure you've seen interviews with models who feel awkward because as teens they were considered scarecrows, string beans, spaghetti legs, whatever - even though now they are successful as models. Or kids who had buck teeth and still feel self-conscious about smiling even though they've had braces and their teeth are fine. And especially kids who were fat and tormented about it by their peers, who still look in the mirror and see fat even though they're perfectly fit now. Keep doing what you're doing with the exercise and forget the dumb people you're surrounded by. In a few years when you are successful in your career, you will be a very desirable catch. In fact, you'd be a desirable catch NOW, if you were hanging around the right girls! Your problem is the stupid people you surround yourself with, not your body.
quankanne Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Your problem is the stupid people you surround yourself with, not your body. AMEN, SISTER! Kashmir, you look like the kind of guy I would ravish during my college days – too skinny, and you get pelvic bones hammering the crap out of you when you boinked, no thanks! As another poster said, a little of bit of meat is really, really nice on a guy. And you look like a really, really nice guy ... as for the flab, I imagine that if you keep up your exercise regimen, your skin will tone up. As for man-boobs, I really can't detect any so I'm wondering if that's not just a hang-up from your younger days? the girls (and guys) who focus on body image when searching for partners have it all backward, because the body is the first thing to go when Father Time comes a-knockin' ... it's what's inside that makes the difference.
You'reasian Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 That said, a great body can't make up for the lack of a great man inside of it. Really, that is so much more important to most women.... And here's the secret for the OP.
quankanne Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 OMG ... are those Levi's you're wearing? :love: just the mere ideer of a nice looking guy in levi's makes me swoon ...
amaysngrace Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 quank you went back for a second look??!! You need to get a hold of yourself woman...oh wait....you probably have....
quankanne Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 heyyyyyy .... I'm at my OFFICE computer ... can't do that kind of thing here! well, I looked at photos 1 & 3, then went back to look at #2 ... and thought I might have detected the Levi's stitchery on the back pocket. And then I swooned!
Author kashmir Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Do you belong to a gym because they have that one thing where you bend your elbows and push the two pieces together in front of your chest. That could help. Please remember that nobody sees your imperfections the way that you do. You zero in and them while you forget about all your assets. Everybody does that. From your pictures I think there is enough good going on that even if I noticed it I'd have enough other stuff good to look at to accept it. Nobody's perfect. Heh, you don't need to tell me about exercises I can do. Building more chest muscle only gives it more of a bust...believe me, I have plenty of chest muscle under that flab. There's a tiny bit of fat, but it's mostly gland tissue that can't be burned off and will always remain over the muscle. All the exercise in the world won't change that. You've got your mind on some pretty weird things... I don't understand why you're so self-obsessed. Maybe try thinking less about yourself and more about others. What exactly do you mean by that? And by that I mean, what do YOU mean think about others (because obviously I know what thinking about others is, but I don't know what you're getting at.) Wow, you have a GREAT body. No need to worry about anything. I don't think you are being objective enough about this. Maybe because you used to be heavier? From your post I thought I was probably going to tell you to go get lipo if you had big man boobs.....but you don't, so I won't say it. Your body looks amazing, as is. That said, a great body can't make up for the lack of a great man inside of it. Really, that is so much more important to most women.... I'll tell you a little secret. If a woman feels completely loved and adored by you, and you are confident with great character and integrity, then she will think you are perfect in physical appearance. She'll even think any perceived "imperfections" are cute/and or hot because they make you you. I'd love to have feelings for a woman, but that hasn't happened. They don't give me the chance to show myself to them. They have their mind made up before I even say hi to them, and 99% of the time it's to ignore and avoid me. Girls around here are just as focused on the visual as guys are. Granted, I don't think I'm that bad looking, but I'm not what girls around here find attractive...so in their minds, why talk to me when they could have the hot frat guy with the blonde hair and blue eyes talk to them instead? I'm not saying I think like this myself...I hate it...but it definitely exists in women here. Keep doing what you're doing with the exercise and forget the dumb people you're surrounded by. In a few years when you are successful in your career, you will be a very desirable catch. In fact, you'd be a desirable catch NOW, if you were hanging around the right girls! Your problem is the stupid people you surround yourself with, not your body. I don't surround myself with people, but it seems like everyone around me is shallow like this. Your problem is the stupid people you surround yourself with, not your body. AMEN, SISTER! Kashmir, you look like the kind of guy I would ravish during my college days – too skinny, and you get pelvic bones hammering the crap out of you when you boinked, no thanks! As another poster said, a little of bit of meat is really, really nice on a guy. And you look like a really, really nice guy ... as for the flab, I imagine that if you keep up your exercise regimen, your skin will tone up. As for man-boobs, I really can't detect any so I'm wondering if that's not just a hang-up from your younger days? the girls (and guys) who focus on body image when searching for partners have it all backward, because the body is the first thing to go when Father Time comes a-knockin' ... it's what's inside that makes the difference. How do I look like a nice guy? And I'm not that bony around the pelvic area...in fact I have a pretty round and muscular pelvic-butt area. Most guys just have flat butts, but mine kinda curves. I've heard girls make fun of guys with my kind of bottom, saying it looks like a chick's...but screw them. =p OMG ... are those Levi's you're wearing? :love: just the mere ideer of a nice looking guy in levi's makes me swoon ... And yes, those are levis.
orangehose Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Thanks for posting the pics. I enjoyed them But seriously, your body is perfectly fine and attractive. If you continue to feel like you're dwelling over your body, even though you rationally know you look fine, you may want to talk to a counselor about it. You're pretty young, right? Like 19 or so? Typical age for body image issues in both sexes. Don't sweat it.
kizik Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Let's see, what do I mean by thinking about others instead of obsessing over your abdominal and pectoral muscles. Hmm. Try not to be so self-absorbed, try to have a sense of humor, ask people questions and actually care about their answers, be a thoughtful friend, a good son, a reliable brother if you have siblings, try to go out and see movies and art that other people like, try not to put all your worth in what other people think of you when you clearly know on some level that you are not morbidly obese, do random and kind things for your friends, do things out of the pure and simple desire to DO them and NOT to get anything in return, don't be condescending and rude as you have in this thread ("Heh, you don't need to tell me about exercises I can do. ;)"), don't be such a narcissist and instead filter that energy into trying to understand what it means to be able to relate to another human being without always changing the subject to be about YOU. PS. I love how everyone in this thread indulged you with their compliments, it must be great to have people play into your thing where you go, "I'm fat/ugly/weird" and they go, "No, you're not!"
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