Trialbyfire Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I still strongly recommend you do your homework, now that you've got a heads-up. Don't throw away this opportunity to syphon out the inept. Unless he's a playah, cheating won't show up for a long, long time and by then, as an invested individual, potentially married, it's going to rip out your heart and trust.
Gato Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 i've been in your situation and i dated a cheater.. he cheated on me. i knew going in what he'd done in past relationships, but i hoped it would be different. in a way i think i messed up our relationship bc i could never really trust him.. your guy may be different but make sure you can trust him, otherwise you're setting yourself up for some hurt.
Author Katherineos123 Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Trial By Fire: I dont think he's a player. However, I didnt think him a cheater either, so what do I know But. We're both pretty young, Im 23, he's 24, and he hasnt had that many relationships. He was with his last girlfriend *the cheatee* for a while, and they broke up months ago. Whether thats a good thing or a bad thing I dont know... The conundrum here is that I dont want to pass up a potentially great person, relationship, expirience, what-have-you, because of this... But I do want to avoid, as you put it, getting my heart and trust ripped out. Gato: Im so sorry that he hurt you. This is exactly what I want to steer clear of. So you dont think you ever really learned to trust him? Do you think you couldve had he not cheated? Are there any trigger questions I could ask? Or maybe I should just say... "Look, I really like you, and I want to get to know you better, but I need to be assured that youre not going to f*** me over." Haha. Might be a little too confrontational...
roxy_1980 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Although it's impossible to predict the dating patterns of every person, here's what I live by: A person can make a mistake in another relationship, it happens. It doesn't necessarily mean that he's gonna treat you badly. He's not a "cheater" per say as a guy who once cheated. If he's cheated on most GF he's ever had, well, that's different. That's a cheater. If he cheated on you, on the other hand, that's different too. He is more liable to do it again and again if you let him back in. It is a lack of respect and emotional investment you.
Author Katherineos123 Posted November 19, 2008 Author Posted November 19, 2008 So, thanks to all the wonderful advice Ive received here on LoveShack as well as some soul searching myself, Ive decided to give this guy a real chance! For those of you who dont feel like reading the entire thread, heres the skinny: I started seeing this guy who I know cheated on his last girlfriend, it was only once, and hes told me he regrets it very much. Anyway, him and I spent the weekend together and had a great time! The first night he was here, although he slept in my bed, and there was a lot of kissing and cuddling and all that good stuff... we didnt have sex.... He was a gentleman and didnt push it. The next night, he stayed over again, and that night we did end up having sex.... and again in the morning! It was wonderful, and again he was very sweet and kissey and lovey and everything, but Im afraid Ive ruined it! Do you think this guy is going to really respect me even though we moved kind of quick? He has contacted me everyday since then... Any opinions would be greatly appreciated, even if you think I dont want to hear them.... or read them rather. Thanks in advance!
lofi_tokyo Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 Off-topic: I love your little post-service quote there Katherine
roxy_1980 Posted November 19, 2008 Posted November 19, 2008 If he's in regular contact, it's most likely fine. So you moved quickly, it happens. I doesn't scare every guy off. Especially when they're really into you.
Author Katherineos123 Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 Thanks Tokyo! Its from a song called Clark Gable by the Postal Service, not sure if you've heard of them, but I think they're great! You should check em out! Thanks for the response Roxy. Yeah. He actually called me tonight, and asked me if he could come pick me up on Sunday (mind you, he lives about an hour and a half away) So, I think I'm in the clear! Here's hoping!
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