kdad Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I am married to a woman that has a kid in the twenties that is out of control. She wants to come back to live with us, however she is disrepectful and harmful. She is constantly getting in to trouble wih others as well as with the law. My wife is stuck because her daughter has nowhere to go because she keeps burning all her bridges, however i am having a problem letting her back in house because of the influence on the boy and girl me and my wife have together (both under 8 yrs of age). On an average trouble is every other day. I feel that my wife feels i am the one thing hindering her daughter's wishes, however she is totally unstable and uncooperative. Our relationship is barely even existent at times due to this and my young ones are suffering through the constant stress and arguements. I tell my wife that i should just leave (just to keep the peace) , however i cannot bring myself to do it because i cannot get past doing what is right by my kids and protecting them.
BikerBeagle Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Your leaving won't solve anything, unless you plan to take your two children with you ...since, after all, they are the reason you don't want your step-daughter back in your house, right? It sounds like your wife needs to be introduced to a concept called "tough love". She's not helping her daughter by enabling her to continue to be irresponsible with her decisions. On the other hand, you never know when the step-daughter might wake up and smell the coffee, simply needing a hand up to get there. It's a tough situation, I'm sure. What I would do is ...comply with your wife's wishes, let the daughter move back in, but make it conditional that your step-daughter be improving herself in some way - counseling, schooling, etc. - and absolutely no more screw ups! If you can get your wife and step-daughter to agree to these terms, it's a win-win. Otherwise, you have no choice but to give your wife an ultimatum ...it's either you and her 2 younger children, or her daughter. That's not going to go over well with her, but at this point, she's the one that has to make the decision.
Author kdad Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Thanks for your reply. We actually have done this where we have allowed her back in (numerous times) and she tried to get control over the house. She went as far as trying to manipulate the system and have me taken from the home by lying. She has had us w/ odds w/ our neighbors s well as w/ the family. My wife's family seemingly want my wife to do more, when she has done as much as possible and it just makes the kid more bold.
Meaplus3 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 It sounds to me like she is really out of control and her actions are very disrespectful towards you and your W. You and your W need to take back the control and lay down the law. Have you ever considered therapy for her? AP:)
Author kdad Posted November 14, 2008 Author Posted November 14, 2008 Thannks, i appreciate your reply. Yes therapy has been suggested and even to the point as insisted upon. Early on, i could see the psychological issues and because of numerous altercations , i as well as my wife had state/court ordered therapy, however when a person is not interested in the help, a person can tel the counselors what they want to hear and then check yourselves out of therapy.
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