charm1234 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 A little less than 4 months ago I started dating this guy, we're both in our late 20s. I knew from a mutual friend that he had recently gotten out of a serious relationship (of about a year), but they hadn't lived in the same city for about 4 months. Knowing all of this when we started dating, I made the decision to not bring up his ex, ask him questions and I also did not want to bring up mine, and the baggage I carried. I wanted to approach our dating a different way than I usually do, not to talk about emotions, expectations, etc too soon. We took things slow, he treated me great, things were going well. We were having a lot of fun. Or so I thought. He invited me to a wedding in which I would meet his parents. Three weeks before the wedding he took me out to a nice dinner, afterwards we walked to the subway while holding hands. Then as we parted ways he says "I like you a lot, I have so much fun with you, but I'm just not ready for a serious relationship". So without hesitating I say "ok so this is breakup?". He wanted to take a break and I said no, immediately what went into my head was that he was just trying to break it to me gently. And if I were to give him that break, more than likely it wouldn't help all that much. He still wanted to hang out and asked if I would go to the wedding with him, but I said I didn't think that was a good idea. I just wanted to rip the bandaid off. My question is, was he just letting me down gently? Or could he have been telling the truth that he wasn't ready? I'm certainly not going to wait around for him, but just wonder if I should throw the idea of maybe us getting back together down the road.
alphamale Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 My question is, was he just letting me down gently? Or could he have been telling the truth that he wasn't ready? I'm certainly not going to wait around for him, but just wonder if I should throw the idea of maybe us getting back together down the road. its really hard to say from the info presented
kizik Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 its really hard to say from the info presented I disagree, I think that despite the lack of back-story, it's quite easy to see what's crackin here. No one who is with you and wants to be with you will request a break. Don't ever let anyone hurt you - tell him that's fine. He wants out. Let him go. You will find someone who DOES want to be with you, and won't jerk you around out of their own little ambivalence.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I think its solidly done between you two, but not because your ex is a bad guy, hes just being honest - although it is a bit cryptic. I'm guessing when he broke up with his ex, he was ready to end things, and solidly wanted out, but it was probably still quite emotional for him. My bet is he started dating you and began to realize that his heart just is not in the state where it can love again, despite how great you may be for him. So, I think hes being honest in saying hes not ready for a serious relationship and needs a break - until his heart is ready for another serious relationship. The problem is, and this is why I am saying things sound kind of set in stone, is that while he takes a break what are you supposed to do, twiddle your thumbs? The time it could take him to get over his issues could be months for all you know, and in that time you could be dating someone else. He may end up moving on during the break too. It sounds like you two just met at the wrong time. :S It does not sound like anything personal, just problems on his end.
Author charm1234 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 TokyoVogue, thanks for your input, I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm certainly not going to wait around, I've already started the "move on, healing process" and am not going to turn back. It's just a shame, he had a lot of the qualities I was looking for. Maybe down the road I'll be pleasantly surprised, but I'm not going to hold my breathe.
Recommended Posts