melissa123 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Here I am again My situation still hasn't improved from the last time I posted and I guess I need some encouragement as im so unhappy My bf has seemed to have lost interest in me I am very broken hearted I dont know what to do He lives about four hours away but we used to be in regular contact all the time, both making the effort. He would send me sweet txts all the time . For about a month now he has just stopped trying. It has been me me me making all the effort to talk and see him. He would talk back when spoken to but he really semed dis interested. So I stopped trying myself to see if that would work. For the past few weeks when I have stopped trying myself he just hasn't talked to me. I got about 3 days with NC until I crack and contact him. I know he is busy but I am sick to death of this. It breaks my heart I came home yesterday and just burst into tears. I havnt beeen so unhappy in ages What do I do? Everyone tells me I need to end it but I just cant! I adore him so much I cant handle the 'what ifs' and I dont want to be alone again I just want him to care again like he used to I dont even know how to talk to him about it as he gets really moody and angry and I dont want to set him off. Please help I just want my old bf back. Its our aniversary today to which makes it even harder.
Alex_M Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I'm in a similar position to you. I'll tell you what i'm going to do, but by no means is it sound advice. I don't want to let my girl go either. TRY your hardest not to contact him I think it would be best. But if he does contact you don't get emotional or beg him or anything, just talk to him about anything, something that takes away the tension. Don't push him any further away. If he DOES care about you then he will contact you, if he doesn't then really, you'll begin to realise that perhaps he's not as great as you remember. It's a chance to rebuild a relationship, as friends, or even better getting back together. But don't look back, don't wish it was how it used to be. Don't "what if", perhaps if things work out, things will be better than they ever were! If they don't then you will have learned some lessons. No contact isn't for everyone I don't think, and I truly believe if you love someone that much then it's worth fighting for them. Contrary to what lots of people believe, I believe you have to play "the game" but this time it has new rules, and you have an advantage! you know him and what he likes. But remember never sacrifice being yourself! My personal plan is: Step 1: Grief, feel sad, cry, let it all out, tell my parents, tell my best friends. BUT I won't tell her. She will just feel sorry for me, and it will make her feel bad which will push her away from me. What draws her closer is feeling GOOD around me. Step 2: Start having fun. When she messages me, i'll talk to her, i'll tease her, i'll start tell her what successess i have acomplished so far. (For me, it was getting my new job and driving lisence and the prospect of having £1200 by christmas.) I told her I was going xmas shopping with my wad of cash for some new clothes. She then said "Do you want me to help you pickout something nice?" I teased her and said: "Only if you're a good girl." which showed that I didn't NEED her and I was just being friendly. She took it abit oddly because she was used to being in power since the breakup, and here I was telling her I hadn't decided she could come (even if it was a joke) and that I was in control. She retorted with: "hey..id come to help u out but if u dont want me to then thats also FINE with me". I just laughed and said I'd heard the new shopping centre was amazing, she went AFK without saying anything to test me. I didn't do anything, I went away myself to make some tea, i see her status flick off and then back to away and then I set my status to away, and in a couple of seconds she replies: "i want to go to the new shopping centre!" Next time she want AFK, to go to the shower, she told me, and told me how long she was gonna be and that she would talk to me afterwards. Result = equal terms. I'm no longer under her, I don't NEED her company, so she WANTS to give it to me. I havn't been passed this step yet so i'll have to see what happens. This is just what i'm doing, not actual advice. But maybe you can get some ideas that fit your own scenario. If it doesn't work out in the end, then I can't say I didn't try and I will stop contact. I wish you the best of luck though :) "
Cabernet34 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Hi Melissa. I really feel for you. I mentioned before, but in a nutshell..... i fell in love with my ex and we became engaged. Two months after our engagement, she started becoming very distant. Needed space..... for the best..... then she quit returning my calls, emails, messages, etc. We lived 1,000 miles apart so it isn't like we could bump into each other. Given that fact, nothing is worse than being ignored. Asking for my ring back when I loved her so deeply was TOUGH. But it became a matter of self respect for me. I DO NOT deserve to be ignored, and eventually I bowed up and told her I needed my ring back. I want you to think to yourself, maybe write it out, where will you be one year from now, if his behavior continues. Here is the deal, he has been faced with the decision to touch base with you, or not. To acknowledge your questions or contact, or ignore them. As much he means to you, he found it acceptable to ignore you. He could pony up and have an honest conversation that you have requested, but what was more conveniend to him, was to just not deal with, even though that left you hanging. He still chose to do it. I would do this out of respect for yourself. Tell him that a relationship involves two people respecting one another, communicating with each other, etc. He isn't ready, so for now you are moving on to allow him to figure out what he wants. Then if he tried to contact you, tell him that you need some time and will be in touch. Don't let him come rushing back to find him right there waiting. It's about standing up for yourself. Don't let this continue or it will only cause you pain.
Author melissa123 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Thankyou so much for replying. I tried to take some of your advice so I rung him last night. I told him how I was feeling and asked if he still wanted to keep trying with this, there was then a very long pause follwed with the sound of my heartbreaking. Finally I got a 'I duno" He asked me the same question and I said i didnt want to break up with him but we cant keep going on like this. I then asked if he would be willing to make more effort. He replied "probably not cause im lazy and a dick" (those were his words) And he ended it there. My heart has literally broken in two. I am so utterly devastated I cant even describe it. I cant eat or sleep. Im shattered. To make it worse I have my final exam in two days time and im such a mess I just cant concerntrate. To make it worse he has gone round telling everyone he dumped me. I dont know what to do now, I feel I cant go on! Plz help me through this.
EmperorR Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Thankyou so much for replying. I tried to take some of your advice so I rung him last night. I told him how I was feeling and asked if he still wanted to keep trying with this, there was then a very long pause follwed with the sound of my heartbreaking. Finally I got a 'I duno" He asked me the same question and I said i didnt want to break up with him but we cant keep going on like this. I then asked if he would be willing to make more effort. He replied "probably not cause im lazy and a dick" (those were his words) And he ended it there. My heart has literally broken in two. I am so utterly devastated I cant even describe it. I cant eat or sleep. Im shattered. To make it worse I have my final exam in two days time and im such a mess I just cant concerntrate. To make it worse he has gone round telling everyone he dumped me. I dont know what to do now, I feel I cant go on! Plz help me through this. Go No contact, I've been there melissa, I lost 15 pounds in two weeks, couldn't eat, sleep, i felt like I was going insane, no one could feel my pain. Go No contact, block his emaila ddress, facebook, myspace, his phone number, don';t text him, I know its hard at first trust me I have been there, checking my phone every second if she messaged me, prank calling her so she wouldn't forget me etc. But NC is the best medicine, trust me, I know the pain even worse than you, my fiance of 3 years went away for week and cheated on me, and I loved her so much I asked her we can go to counselling and work on it, she strung me along for a week like I had a chance then dumped me, then 3 days later found a new guy at school. Then she had the nerve to message me on what would have been our 3 year anniversary just incase I forgot. And in teh end, its still hard but im 50 days NC, and every day I feel better, if I can do it, you can do it. Don't show any more emotion towards him, don't make him think he has control over you.
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