Hersheys Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 It's cold. I'm lonely and when I'm lonely what do I want to do? Break NC. I'm in 3 months NC. I feel like I've been doing so well but my intentions of going NC aren't as strong now compared to 3 months ago. I want to reach out but I don't want to go back to crazy times. I still have this annoying hope that maybe things will change and will be better. Ugh.... Has anybody felt this way? What did you do to keep yourself from contacting the ex?
Meaplus3 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 First of all congrats on 3 months!! Yes..I have felt that way in the past so I know how strong the urge can be. However, by breaking NC.. it will only set you a step back instead of a step forward. Distraction is the key here. You need to stay busy with activites that will keep your mind of the ex. Try doing something special just for you. Don't break NC.. stay strong. Best wishes. AP:)
MichiganMan222 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Remind yourself what will happen. She will reject you AGAIN. She will feel better and you will feel worse. Why in God's name would you want to do that?!?!?! RESIST THE URGE!!!!!!!
Author Hersheys Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 First of all congrats on 3 months!! Yes..I have felt that way in the past so I know how strong the urge can be. However, by breaking NC.. it will only set you a step back instead of a step forward. Distraction is the key here. You need to stay busy with activites that will keep your mind of the ex. Try doing something special just for you. Don't break NC.. stay strong. Best wishes. AP:) Thanks Meaplus3! I was bent on never speaking to him again but now this annoying thought that maybe we could still work things out is back. I want to share to him what's been going on with my life but I don't want know what he's been up to. No way I don't want to know lol! The first 2 months of NC, I was strong but now I feel like I'm such a bad person for shutting him out of my life. I've been thinking a lot about him lately. I really hope I will get over the urge. I don't want to go backwards.
Author Hersheys Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Remind yourself what will happen. She will reject you AGAIN. She will feel better and you will feel worse. Why in God's name would you want to do that?!?!?! RESIST THE URGE!!!!!!! I keep reminding myself that. I don't want to be rejected. I don't want to hear the awful 'let's be friends' line. It's just this incessant thought or hope of hey it's been 3 months maybe he's changed and wants something better for us this time.
electriclove Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I feel exactly the same right now. Haven't done nearly as well as you with the NC though, for me it's been 30 days since I last contacted him. Thought I was doing well and staying strong but I've been let down by some really close friends recently when I've needed them more than ever. So, the first person I've wanted to reach out to is the ex because he's always been there for me. But at the same time I don't want him to know how crap my life is at the moment, when he's probably having a great time! Personally I find that weekends are the worst as my urges get stronger. I guess like everyone keeps saying, we just have to remind ourselves what would happen if we did reach out.
EmperorR Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I feel like that every day, but don't. What do you expect your going to message them or call them and they will be like hey you've been on my mind all week and I want you back Nope. You msg them they don't reply you'll feel worse, you call them there cold on the phone you will feel worse, be strong. Trust me if they want to contact you they will. 1
northstar1 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 It's cold. I'm lonely and when I'm lonely what do I want to do? Break NC. I'm in 3 months NC. I feel like I've been doing so well but my intentions of going NC aren't as strong now compared to 3 months ago. I want to reach out but I don't want to go back to crazy times. I still have this annoying hope that maybe things will change and will be better. Ugh.... Has anybody felt this way? What did you do to keep yourself from contacting the ex? Oh yes. NC is weird, it's hard at first, then you get used to it (it's still hard) and feel proud for resisting, then after a time, you can feel the urge again, because you think the person is slipping away for good from your memory and vice versa. It's an up and down battle. But think about what good will come if you do do it? Maybe relief for a few minutes or hours, then reality sets back in, when they either don't respond, or if they do, it's rooted in neutrality. It's not want you want or deserve. If you do break it, you'll likely come back to the boards with the same result most come back with - ie. It sets you back.
Author Hersheys Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 I feel exactly the same right now. Haven't done nearly as well as you with the NC though, for me it's been 30 days since I last contacted him. Thought I was doing well and staying strong but I've been let down by some really close friends recently when I've needed them more than ever. So, the first person I've wanted to reach out to is the ex because he's always been there for me. But at the same time I don't want him to know how crap my life is at the moment, when he's probably having a great time! Personally I find that weekends are the worst as my urges get stronger. I guess like everyone keeps saying, we just have to remind ourselves what would happen if we did reach out. I feel the same way! I want to talk to him and tell him what's been going on with my life however I really don't have much to say just the same job, uni so it will be yet again another pointless conversation with him. Truth is, I only want to talk about us, the relationship BUT I know and I'm sure that will just freak him out. I'm almost through the weekend and I haven't contacted him. I feel good. I imagined what it would be like if I contacted him yesterday or this morning I know I would be back to day 1 of break up even if he replied to me or not. I think the best way is to just ignore the urges and focus on other things no matter how hard. It's true that it passes and we will be at that point again when contact with the ex is not much of interest to us.
Author Hersheys Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 I feel like that every day, but don't. What do you expect your going to message them or call them and they will be like hey you've been on my mind all week and I want you back Nope. You msg them they don't reply you'll feel worse, you call them there cold on the phone you will feel worse, be strong. Trust me if they want to contact you they will. I'm worried about that. What if he does not reply at all or if he does I know I will again think, think, and think and worry some more which I don't want to do anymore. I really do have to remind myself of what it would be like again. I read through what I wrote in my journal months back and went through the reasons why contacting him is not a good idea. Again I was reminded of those times with my ex which I don't want to go back to and realized that yes it's pointless to contact the ex.
Author Hersheys Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Oh yes. NC is weird, it's hard at first, then you get used to it (it's still hard) and feel proud for resisting, then after a time, you can feel the urge again, because you think the person is slipping away for good from your memory and vice versa. It's an up and down battle. But think about what good will come if you do do it? Maybe relief for a few minutes or hours, then reality sets back in, when they either don't respond, or if they do, it's rooted in neutrality. It's not want you want or deserve. If you do break it, you'll likely come back to the boards with the same result most come back with - ie. It sets you back. You're right. A couple of months ago I would cringe at the thought of contacting him. Now that it's been a while, I have to admit that I'm worried that maybe he's forgotten about me. Maybe it's because of the weekends that the urge for good 'ol times is at it's strongest. I found myself alone today which gave me a lot of time to think and wonder. I'm almost through Sunday and haven't contacted him still...so that's good. I plan on keeping myself busy the whole week. Anything just to take my mind off him.
northstar1 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 You're right. A couple of months ago I would cringe at the thought of contacting him. Now that it's been a while, I have to admit that I'm worried that maybe he's forgotten about me. Maybe it's because of the weekends that the urge for good 'ol times is at it's strongest. I found myself alone today which gave me a lot of time to think and wonder. I'm almost through Sunday and haven't contacted him still...so that's good. I plan on keeping myself busy the whole week. Anything just to take my mind off him. Yeah, there can be a lot of triggers...........the time of the year, the poor weather, weekends........all can test the resolve of NC and make you miss them. But, you just have to remind yourself that you WON'T feel better contacting them. Plain and simple.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I would suggest getting out, being social, and doing the things you enjoy. Two months after the break, I have slowly started getting out again and having a good time with my friends and meeting new people. Now my social calendar is full of fun, mind-expanding events for the next two weeks, and I'm really looking forward to all of it. I had a blast out dancing last night, and though several men were after me, I just enjoyed the flirtation and dancing while I was at the club and proceeded on my merry way with my friend when the night was done. (The supercute supertall charmer was hard to resist, but I was strong!!) Being around a wide variety of people reminds you that the world is full of interesting things and people and you can probably meet someone even better than your ex.
Ingenue Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Hersheys, I'm in the same boat as you. Today is day 127 of NC and while I'm quite proud of sticking to NC, for some inexplicable reason, I feel compelled to contact my ex. I think it's the time of year for me that's been a trigger. I keep on thinking you need to live every day as if it were your last and that life is too short to dwell on the things that make us angry. I am tired of being angry and I am tired of entertaining negative memories of my ex. For some strange reason, I think, talking to him will demonstrate to me that I have grown and that I have the capacity for forgiveness and that I'm a bigger person. It will show me that I am indeed letting it all go and living each day as if it were my last. But I know that I am just feeling sentimental today and that it will pass. And tomorrow will be day 128.
Author Hersheys Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 I would suggest getting out, being social, and doing the things you enjoy. Two months after the break, I have slowly started getting out again and having a good time with my friends and meeting new people. Now my social calendar is full of fun, mind-expanding events for the next two weeks, and I'm really looking forward to all of it. I had a blast out dancing last night, and though several men were after me, I just enjoyed the flirtation and dancing while I was at the club and proceeded on my merry way with my friend when the night was done. (The supercute supertall charmer was hard to resist, but I was strong!!) Being around a wide variety of people reminds you that the world is full of interesting things and people and you can probably meet someone even better than your ex. It's true. I feel saddest when I'm at home. Weekends particularly magnifies the sadness and thought of being alone. I've tried going out and it does help a lot in shaking things off a bit.
Author Hersheys Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Hersheys, I'm in the same boat as you. Today is day 127 of NC and while I'm quite proud of sticking to NC, for some inexplicable reason, I feel compelled to contact my ex. I think it's the time of year for me that's been a trigger. I keep on thinking you need to live every day as if it were your last and that life is too short to dwell on the things that make us angry. I am tired of being angry and I am tired of entertaining negative memories of my ex. For some strange reason, I think, talking to him will demonstrate to me that I have grown and that I have the capacity for forgiveness and that I'm a bigger person. It will show me that I am indeed letting it all go and living each day as if it were my last. But I know that I am just feeling sentimental today and that it will pass. And tomorrow will be day 128. I could have wrote this. I woke up today wanting to talk to the ex. I feel the same way in that I know I need to remind myself of the negative memories with him but right now it's strange because I don't feel any anger at all. My desire to reach out to the ex seems to override the bad memories. I feel strong enough to be friends with him but I ask myself if it really is friendship that I want and can take. Answer is no. I still have that bit of hope of a possible reconciliation. Maybe this is just a phase, Ingenue. We've done so well with NC. I'm so scared of going back to square one. I think we just have to wait it out for a little a while and hope that the urge to contact the ex will soon disappear.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 It's true. I feel saddest when I'm at home. Weekends particularly magnifies the sadness and thought of being alone. I've tried going out and it does help a lot in shaking things off a bit. What has also helped me is spending time with other single girlfriends who are in the same situation -- fed up with men's crap and enjoying our single status for now.
kizik Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 ...fed up with men's crap and enjoying our single status for now. I hear ya, just be careful not to start grouping us all together just b/c you've met a few bad apples. I love women and take precautions not to stereotype them. Sure, my ex was a superb*tch (and I mean crazy and mean), but I refuse to let her actions dictate my view on an entire gender.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 ^ Yeah, I am moving slowly out of the cynical phase. I feel that I am getting back to the free-spirited and optimistic me, which I enjoy WAY more than the suspicious and guarded version I turned into while with my messed-up ex. I'll never adopt a permanently bitter demeanor -- there's too much to enjoy in life, and that's just not me -- but I think I'm smarter and more discriminating than I used to be, and that is a very good thing.
EmperorR Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Every day I wake up wanting to contacct my ex, but I know even that one little message will ruin me. Like a smoker who hasn't smoked in months then that one cigarette will lead them back on that path
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