You'reasian Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 not to mention drunken sex...which is a great thing if all parties are hammered LOL! Yes, but you want to be able to remember the finer details.
sb129 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Good point Allina. PS are you engaged? Did I miss that thread?
allina Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Good point Allina. PS are you engaged? Did I miss that thread? No I just posted in LB's thread that I knew my SO has not bought the ring yet. Plan is for it to be soon though, well under a year soon God to see your around here again, don't be such a stranger
flc Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Back on topic. I assume you will drink even he doesn't? If so then it really depends on how he feels about your drinking. My ex was a non drinker and I was a social drinker. She did not mind if I had 2 drinks but if I has a third I would always hear about it, even sitting at home on a weekend. So while I appreciated that she cared about me I did not really enjoy being scolded for having a few drinks when I never got stinking drunk, belligerent or drove under the influence. So it did cause a bit of friction. It is general best if both partners are on the same level on things like this IMO.
Meaplus3 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I would only view it as an issue if he makes a comment about your drinking and not a positive one if you know what I mean. Another drawback might be that he's not into the bar scene and clubs so to speak where drinking takes place and if you enjoy that type of scene lot's of the time then it could create a problem because he may not want to go while you do. Overall though.. if he's still fun minus a drink or two then IMO you have found a man that's golden. AP:)
JamesM Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I agree with Meaplus. The issue may not be the drinking but t he places you go. If he is not into drinking, then logically bars will not be his number one place of fun. I have a sneaky suspicion that if anyone has a problem with the difference in the amount of drinking, it will be him. He will either view your drinking as acceptable or too much. Enjoy your times with him, and you may be surprised how it all turns out. He may accept your drinking, or you may find that drinking is not all that it is cracked up to be. The two of you may end up somewhere in the middle.
nicki Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I guess it comes down to whether or not this guy is fun without alcohol. In fact, bonus points if he doesn't NEED to drink to be fun. I'd go easy on needing to know the reason....the time for that kind of admission, if necessary, will come with an increase in trust and sharing. I've dated guys who don't drink, for whatever reason, but I don't let that stop ME, ever.... I'll have that glass of red wine with dinner because I like it. But I won't go overboard out of respect for present company. I'll save those few moments for another kind of gathering. Even then, sometimes I don't feel like drinking, and I'll have a club soda with lime. Right or wrong, the appearance of drinking CAN help others feel better about their own drinking. It really is all about how you make other people feel when they are with you. You can enjoy another person's lowered inhibitions by matching their outgoing mood and showing your fun side. So, I say, as long as he is having a good time and responding to you, go out with him. Sharing alcoholic drinks doesn't bond you with another person. Lowering your inhibitions does, and you can still have that kind of fun with the right guy. Maybe even more. You don't need alcohol or bars to do that. I used to date a guy who didn't drink, ever. He constantly told me he was "love drunk" when he was with me, and he did act giddy fun like he had tossed a few beers back. He was a lot of fun and never judged me for enjoying a drink or two. Is your guy like that? If so, then it's no big deal.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 12, 2008 Author Posted November 12, 2008 Okay, so I learned something new tonight. He's Mormon...but only goes to church 3-4 times a year.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Mormon...??? Being Mormon is more than just going to church 3-4 times a year. The LDS church runs through their blood. He may be concerned about your eternal life if you continue to drink. That would not sit well with me. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and tell you to find out who he really is, though, and not judge too much based on one fact. I think the issue with alcohol is a lifestyle issue. If it is a big part of your lifestyle then it will be more of a problem. I like to meet friends in bars to chat about the day, and I like to split a bottle of wine with dinner. I would have trouble dating someone who did not share these interests. I would feel weird drinking wine at dinner if he wasn't. That is a totally personal choice for you. However, I have a good friend who is an recovering alcoholic and his wife is not, and it never seems to be an issue with them.
nicki Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 Mormons don't drink alcohol, or coffee for that matter. I think it's no stimulants or depressants at all. I'd consider the religion thing more of a talking point. Sharing the same core values is important, even if the religions are different. Or at least respecting each other's differences (that can be a core value on its own.) I'd find it fun to talk to him about those things. Is he okay with you drinking, or does he try to convince you why you shouldn't? I'd watch out for that. For instance, I have no problem with my vegetarian friends, only the ones who try to convert me to their "way" (which usually means they think they know what's best for me and everyone else on the planet.) Sudden thought: Do mormons have sex outside of marriage?
allina Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 How do you feel about that SG? For me that's a deal breaker right there *shrugs*
Mary3 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 i've dated a few women who didn't drink at all. i found most of them boring and too conservative for my liking. the most fun women were the ones who liked to get hammered now and then if she doesn't drink at all or has more than 2 cats or is a vegeterian then i run for the hills i also think people who don't drink at all are self control freaks. i mean whats the point behind drinking??? letting go of your self control for a while, right? Alpha LOL ! ................
norajane Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Okay, so I learned something new tonight. He's Mormon...but only goes to church 3-4 times a year. Yeah, I'd look into that a little further, if I were you. Either he's much more Mormon than that, which comes with one set of issues; or he's been excommunicated from the church, which is a whole other set of issues. I could be wrong, but I don't think there's a middle ground with the Mormons, like having faith but just going to church a few times a year. There's a lot of stuff that goes along with being Mormon, not just church. Did he attend BYU? Did he do his required missionary service?
sfsassy Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 I dated a recovering alcoholic for three years and it was fine. I drink, but don't really get drunk. I didn't feel a need to drink most times we went out, but he was totally cool about it when I did. I knew I knew my limits.
sfsassy Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Okay, so I learned something new tonight. He's Mormon...but only goes to church 3-4 times a year. Now that would be a deal breaker! Especially after this election.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 How do you feel about that SG? For me that's a deal breaker right there *shrugs* I think it is for me too. As soon as I learned that, it's like the wind was taken from his sails. *shrug* Did he attend BYU? Did he do his required missionary service? Yes to the first (B.A. and MBA), I don't know to the second.
Rooster_DAR Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Personally I find people who never drink very boring. Conversely, a lush is just as bad. Social drinking is perfect for me, I love when I can go have a beer with my girl and shoot the sh**. Cheers!
ohmy3 Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 It would be a problem for me... I don't drink.. and if my date would get drunk.. he'd be kicked to the curb in a second.. People who get drunk look and sometimes act like 'morons'... and I don't date morons.. no but you date everyone eles or chase them........
nicki Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 ...So, sex or no sex for Mormons? I would just have to ask him about this. Of course, it would be done in a subtle fashion... "I don't know much about the Mormon faith. What are some of your beliefs?"....then "What do you believe about relationships between men and women?" What do you think about this, SG? For me, I'd have to say "Take my beer if you must, but once I've deemed you worthy, satisfy my carnal needs, darn it, and do it well!"
kashmir Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Seeing as the guy I've been dating has decided to drop off the face of the planet, I suppose it's time to move on. There's a guy who's been pursuing me. He's literally "perfect" on paper. He was a finalist for The Bachelor, if that gives you any indication of what he's like. Handsome (more like drop-dead gorgeous), successful, philanthropic, charming, wants to get married and start a family, comes from a great family, exciting interests, and an overall gentleman. One problem: he doesn't drink - at all. I do. I'm not a drunk, but I do enjoy imbibing on occasion. Seeing as I live so close to wine country, I'm also all about the vino - with dinner, wine tasting, etc. His reason? "Just because." Am I just looking for flaws in assuming we're not compatible simply because of this? Has anyone dated a completely-sober person and found it caused relationship difficulties? It gives me the indication that he needs to promote himself on a cheesy reality TV show. Forget the drinking part - who cares if he doesn't drink? My uncle never had a drop of alcohol in his life, and he's very successful as well as a bit of a ladiesman. He didn't need to try out for some dumb show though.
rod_in_gtown Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 I used to never drink, it was not a religious thing (even though he's a mormon, that's probably a whole different issue and for the sake of my argument I'm going to disregard it since he doesn't seem to be active in his faith) my thing used to be that I just didn't like the taste, and growing up in a dangerous place and having no peer pressure (people actually respected me for telling them that I didn't drink and that it wasn't a big deal) made it ok for me never to really try to acquire the taste for it. After living a long time here in the states, I've come to realize that most people bond around alcohol (yes, I know not everyone does this) so I started acquiring a taste for it and now I actually enjoy a red wine every now and then. I'm by no means an alcoholic, I mean that guy you dated that had to have a drink to go skiing?? wow. Some people will still have a problem with you drinking, but the real question is: does HE have a problem with you doing it? or is this a one-way kind of issue? Does it make you feel like an alcoholic to get tipsy when he's not drinking? I think you may be over analizing him, I think you may not be entirely into him and are looking for excuses not to go out with him. He may be perfect on paper but if you don't have chemistry with him he could be JFK and it wouldn't make a difference. My dad never drinks, he used to before my parents married but over 30 years ago he stopped. on the other hand my mom loves her wines and liqueurs and she drinks one a few times a week and it's never really been an issue with them. In the future you may decide that you don't want to drink anymore and he decides he likes it and then the roles would be reversed. How would you feel if he dropped you for not drinking anymore even though his drinking doesn't bother you?
rod_in_gtown Posted November 14, 2008 Posted November 14, 2008 Mormon...??? Being Mormon is more than just going to church 3-4 times a year. The LDS church runs through their blood. He may be concerned about your eternal life if you continue to drink. That would not sit well with me. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and tell you to find out who he really is, though, and not judge too much based on one fact. I think the issue with alcohol is a lifestyle issue. If it is a big part of your lifestyle then it will be more of a problem. I like to meet friends in bars to chat about the day, and I like to split a bottle of wine with dinner. I would have trouble dating someone who did not share these interests. I would feel weird drinking wine at dinner if he wasn't. That is a totally personal choice for you. However, I have a good friend who is an recovering alcoholic and his wife is not, and it never seems to be an issue with them. I think his not going to church except for major events (3-4 times a year) says a lot about his faith. I have a friend who grew up very mormon in Salt Lake but now he just doesn't practice. He also drinks like a fish. but he goes to major chirch events.
sb129 Posted November 16, 2008 Posted November 16, 2008 Okay, so I learned something new tonight. He's Mormon...but only goes to church 3-4 times a year. Dealbreaker right there for me. I could not date a mormon (even the lovely Brandon Flowers:love:) as I strongly disapprove of the mormon church. I would not want my children to be born into the mormon faith- he may only go to church 3-4 times a year, but his family may go more than that. I think his not going to church except for major events (3-4 times a year) says a lot about his faith. I have a friend who grew up very mormon in Salt Lake but now he just doesn't practice. He also drinks like a fish. but he goes to major chirch events. Yeah, but do you want to date someone who is so non committal to their faith? I am an atheist, but I would still respect someone who went to church every sunday more than a sometimes mormon who cherry picked which doctrines they were going to follow- thats hypocritical and defeats the purpose of following a religion IMO. I also agree with the poster who said that there is a red flag in the fact that he went on "The Bachelor". Additional to the cheesy self-promotion, I would have thought the mormon church would have disapproved of this, as it could have meant he would end up dating outside his faith. I am surprised he is still single, as marriage is held in high esteem in the mormon church and I think (I may be wrong) that there is a certain amount of matchmaking within the church.
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