Author Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 I think certain people have certain reasons why they don't drink. Have you thought about asking him straight up why without making a big fuss over it? I'm sure if it was a good reason it wouldn't be so bad.. He literally shrugs and says, "just because." I have no clue why that is. He does, however, go out and socialize with friends who are drinking. So I don't think he takes issue with those who do. My concern is ony not being able to share in the experience. Like NJ said - I really, truly enjoy sharing a bottle of wine over a nice dinner or dessert...or going wine tasting...or sipping margaritas on a hot summer day...cold beers out on a houseboat...a mojito when out on the town....champagne at a celebration. Not to the point of getting drunk, just a nice buzz....not much more than you'd get off a dose of strong cold-medication. I'd be disappointed if I couldn't share these fun experiences with someone. On the other hand, it's a nice change of pace. I once dated an absolute drunk (literally, an alcoholic), and wished at times that we could go somewhere, anywhere, without having to have a drink. We couldn't go anywhere without him wanting to drink. Every single dinner. Softball games we were playing in. Even skiing. Always had to drink, and he drank to the point of being visibly intoxicated. That was irritating.
monkey00 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 He literally shrugs and says, "just because." I have no clue why that is. He does, however, go out and socialize with friends who are drinking. So I don't think he takes issue with those who do. My concern is ony not being able to share in the experience. Like NJ said - I really, truly enjoy sharing a bottle of wine over a nice dinner or dessert...or going wine tasting...or sipping margaritas on a hot summer day...cold beers out on a houseboat...a mojito when out on the town....champagne at a celebration. Not to the point of getting drunk, just a nice buzz....not much more than you'd get off a dose of strong cold-medication. I'd be disappointed if I couldn't share these fun experiences with someone. On the other hand, it's a nice change of pace. I once dated an absolute drunk (literally, an alcoholic), and wished at times that we could go somewhere, anywhere, without having to have a drink. We couldn't go anywhere without him wanting to drink. Every single dinner. Softball games we were playing in. Even skiing. Always had to drink, and he drank to the point of being visibly intoxicated. That was irritating. I think he needs to stop being a panzy and be a man and give a real reason as to his anti-alcoholism. Yep it does suck not to be able to share those things with someone else. But maybe you could look at it as half full and look at it as one of those hobbies that you enjoy doing (like a girls night out) that he doesn't necessarily have to participate in. Allow your differences to be your strengths.
StartingOver07 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 He literally shrugs and says, "just because." I have no clue why that is. Maybe he is not ready to tell you the real reason. He's entitled to simply not like it just as some people don't like brussel sprouts. He does, however, go out and socialize with friends who are drinking. So I don't think he takes issue with those who do. He sounds quite open-minded. Like NJ said - I really, truly enjoy sharing a bottle of wine over a nice dinner or dessert...or going wine tasting...or sipping margaritas on a hot summer day...cold beers out on a houseboat...a mojito when out on the town....champagne at a celebration. Not to the point of getting drunk, just a nice buzz....not much more than you'd get off a dose of strong cold-medication. I'd be disappointed if I couldn't share these fun experiences with someone. It sounds like drinking is a big part of your social life. In which case, the answer is clear: don't go out with this guy. Since you already know you are going to be disappointed if this guy does not want to get buzzed with you at the aforementioned activities, it seems you have already answered your own question.
Geishawhelk Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Equating a glass of wine to a line of heroin is absolutely ridiculous. Why? I suggested we don't touch on that, as i didn't wish to take the subject off topic. But since you made the comment, tell me why. The only difference is that one is legal the other isn't. Other than that, tell me why it's ridiculous...
Author Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Why? I suggested we don't touch on that, as i didn't wish to take the subject off topic. But since you made the comment, tell me why. The only difference is that one is legal the other isn't. Other than that, tell me why it's ridiculous... I haven't personally tried heroin, but it is my understanding that if you take it, you get effed up...high...off your rocker. With just a lil' bit. There's a reason it's completely illegal, and not just monitored the way booze and OTC medication is. A glass of wine absolutely does NOT have the same effect as heroin, or coke, or meth, or any other illegal drugs - AT ALL. It's like equating a romantic stolen kiss to a full on ass-rape.
alphamale Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 It's like equating a romantic stolen kiss to a full on ass-rape. ...
johan Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 It's like equating a romantic stolen kiss to a full on ass-rape. In my experience, one always leads to the other.
nittygritty Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Alcohol numbs similiar to painkillers. As long as there isn't a problem it shouldn't be a problem. However, if alcoholism has ever effected your date's life in some way he's probably taking a mental note of your alcohol intake and he may eventually feel it's too much or too often and it will become an issue. If his not drinking bothers you then perhaps there is an incompatability issue. Why not get to know each other better before deciding?
Geishawhelk Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I haven't personally tried heroin, but it is my understanding that if you take it, you get effed up...high...off your rocker. With just a lil' bit. There's a reason it's completely illegal, and not just monitored the way booze and OTC medication is. Booze? Monitored? To an extent, yes. But the people who imbibe it aren't monitored. that's when alcohol is just as damaging and destructive as heroin. A glass of wine absolutely does NOT have the same effect as heroin, or coke, or meth, or any other illegal drugs - AT ALL. It's like equating a romantic stolen kiss to a full on ass-rape. I disagree that it doesn't have the same effect. it is just as damaging, brain-rotting soul-destroying addictive and insiduous as any non-legal addictive substance. The only difference is that it brings in a tidy sum for the Government. All advertising for cigarettes and tobacco in the UK, is banned. because it causes cancer, and is a killer, and all packs of cigarettes have health warnings. Yet the Government still permits sales. It's the same with Alcohol. Advertising is still permitted, but the bottom line in every advert is 'drink responsibly'. Hmmmmmmm.......It seems the message is not filtering through to these befuddled alcohol-muddled minds. Who cares? It's revenue! Or in other words, legalised potential drug addiction.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 So in other words, you think there is something inherently wrong with those who drink. Gotcha.
marlena Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 So in other words, you think there is something inherently wrong with those who drink. Gotcha. Villifying either group is plain silly and way over board. To "each his own" as someone earlier posted. It is that simple.
sb129 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Alcohol kills more people in the UK than ecstasy, heroin, cocaine and marijuana combined. Just an aside piece of trivia there..... I don't think the fact he doesn't drink is a dealbreaker itself- especially in the absence of any other dealbreakers. Its how you both deal with it thats the key issue. Think of it this way- if he was a great guy who drank, and you had been dating, and then he had to stop for a health reason, would you stop dating him? Would you stop drinking in solidarity or not? If he expects you to give up drinking or judges you for it, then there is a problem. If you feel that dating a non drinker will hinder your social life, or make you feel bad about drinking, then that could be a problem. If he is a recovered alcoholic, then its important you know that if you have a serious R. It sounds like he is being honest with you at the moment, that can't be a bad thing. I like a drink now and then, I have been a heavy binge drinker in my student days. Now I don't really like to get drunk as it makes me quite ill, but I do like a nice glass of pinot noir with a meal, champagne to celebrate, and a cold beer on a hot day too. I have also tried recreational drugs, and wouldn't judge someone who had done the same. I would definitely go on a date with someone who didn't drink. When my fiance and I start trying for a baby next year- I will be a non drinker for well over a year, and our life will have to adjust accordingly (I think Wonderboy will enjoy having a sober driver all the time). I certainly don't expect him to have a problem with that!
sb129 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Villifying either group is plain silly and way over board. To "each his own" as someone earlier posted. It is that simple. Exactly. You don't have to have ALL the same interests. Wonderboy spent over 12 hours yesterday fishing.... I wouldn't have gone if he had paid me! I had a great day on my own catching up with family, watching a movie and getting a few housework jobs done. We have an agreement that as long as he doesn't take the P*ss, he can fish whenever he wants within reason. I am not going to stand in the way of something he loves, but I am also not going to endure doing something I hate just to have a common interest as it will spoil it for him.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Alcohol kills more people in the UK than ecstasy, heroin, cocaine and marijuana combined. Just an aside piece of trivia there..... As far as DUIs are concerned, the same is probably true here in the US. Think of it this way- if he was a great guy who drank, and you had been dating, and then he had to stop for a health reason, would you stop dating him? Would you stop drinking in solidarity or not? I hadn't thought about that. Good point, SB. Hmmm...
marlena Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I am astounded, really, that some people on here equate having a drink or two to the use of heroin, meth,coke or whatever. Wow, talk about exaggeration!!
sb129 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I am astounded, really, that some people on here equate having a drink or two to the use of heroin, meth,coke or whatever. Wow, talk about exaggeration!! I don't, not at all. I am not sure who brought up heroin in the first place. I was pointing out however that excessive or dangerous alcohol consumption is probably proportionally more dangerous than those other drugs. SG- glad to be of help. You could always look on the bright side and think that you will always have a sober driver.....
Isolde Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I tend to think of beer like soda--it's a refreshing pick me up to have every now and then. Would I avoid dating someone who didn't drink Coke? No, then why would beer be any different. The only issue I see is if you drink to get tipsy more than once a month or so. Compatibility is about values, not about food and drink. People need to stop worrying so much about this trivial differences. Dating is about being with someone who will be DIFFERENT from you in many ways!!! If you want a copy of yourself, then date yourself.
sb129 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Actually- to put another spin on it- to your average person, 2 glasses of wine is not as dangerous as a heroin pipe or a few lines of coke, a spliff etc etc. But to a recovering alcoholic, drinking 2 glasses of wine is MUCH more dangerous than a couple of lines of coke, spliff etc. Just another way of looking at it. Personally, I would actually rather date a person who enjoyed the odd spliff or line of coke than a regular binge drinker.
marlena Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I was pointing out however that excessive or dangerous alcohol consumption is probably proportionally more dangerous than those other drugs. I wasn't referring to you SB. I thought we were talking about adults who like to share a drink or two and not about alcoholism. There is a world of difference between the two. Anything taken to excess is harmful of course. Like I posted earlier, moderation is the key...in just about anything.
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I write this as I drown myself in some red... I wouldn't reject someone just because they abstain from alcohol - hell, there's more to life than that. But I would be interested in finding out WHY. That said, it would put a damper on things, at times. Like many others have said, I enjoy that buzz that a little alky gives you - it'd be nice to share this state with someone else. There's something to be said about sharing the moment with someone who is equally buzzed. You say silly things, giggle and just let go, for a moment. This is not to say that alcohol allows us to do things we would never do... Nope, it's just another way of being. What's so wrong with that?
sb129 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I wasn't referring to you SB. I thought we were talking about adults who like to share a drink or two and not about alcoholism. There is a world of difference between the two. Anything taken to excess is harmful of course. Like I posted earlier, moderation is the key...in just about anything. Everything in moderation- including moderation!!!:) I am not indulging my LS addiction as much as I used to...now thats moderation!
Ocean-Blue Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Everything in moderation- including moderation!!!:) I am not indulging my LS addiction as much as I used to...now thats moderation! Sidetrack: well, you are greatly missed. Your awesomeness is missed. Wonderboy better be good to you!
sb129 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Aw, thanks OB. I hope things are OK with you. Wonderboy is as wonderful as ever. Life is pretty good here. Sorry for the small threadjack. Back on topic.
marlena Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I am not indulging my LS addiction as much as I used to...now thats moderation! Yes, I need to work on that myself!! And, yes, you were missed!
allina Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I'm sorry if I missed details, I skimmed the thread quickly. I know he said that he doesn't drink "just because." Personally I would be more comfortable if I knew WHY. Everything has a reason. Does he not drink because it makes him ill? Or because he's a health nut? These reasons make perfect sense and imo aren't a big deal. But, people who never drink at all often have to take that path because drinking has a huge impact on their personality and actions. If a guy told me he didn't drink because each time he drank in the past he'd end up waking up naked in a park, in a fight or in jail I would be so freaked out. I wouldn't want to date this sort of person because I need stability in my mate, I don't want to worry that he's going to flip out on me or start drinking again if he really shouldn't be.
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