marlena Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 You're missing the point. Non drinkers get so much grief from the drinking masses that they have to have some backbone to avoid the unecessary peer pressure from drinkers Peer pressure is for little kids. No confident adult can be coerced into doing something that he doesn't want to. People who choose not to drink are fine, too. It's their prerogative and should be respected. Personally, I would never apply pressure on someone to drink if he doesn't want to. That's plain silly. That said,however, just like they might not be comfortable around a drinker, I would not have as much fun out at a bar or for dinner with someone who doesn't drink. That's my prerogative, too. I guess "Birds of a feather,flock together" is fitting here.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Peer pressure is for little kids. No confident adult can be coerced into doing something that he doesn't want to. Peer pressure is nothing to do with age, social psychology has shown adults are commonly influenced by it, look to the Asch conformity experiments for instance.
marlena Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Yes, I am sure that many are swayed. But confident,opinionated,strong-minded adults are not that easily influenced.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Yes, I am sure that many are swayed. But confident,opinionated,strong-minded adults are not that easily influenced. My point exactly.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 I thought this thread was about mature, adult people having a drink or two on a night out and not about teenagers getting drunk out of their minds and not knowing what the heck they are doing. Um...yes. That's exactly what I was referring to. I get giddy off a glass-and-a-half of wine. To think that I'd never be able to share a lovely bottle of Cab or Zin over dinner with a BF would...bum me out.
marlena Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I get giddy off a glass-and-a-half of wine. To think that I'd never be able to share a lovely bottle of Cab or Zin over dinner with a BF would...bum me out. I so know what you mean. Sharing a good wine, some bubbly, a drink or two is something pleasurable and sexy. I don't think I could date someone who went to a bar and ordered a soda or out to dinner and ordered a bottle of mineral water! What a turn off that would be for me!
Bells Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 i don't trust people who don't drink...they make me uncomfortable I have heard this from people from time to time.....this is completely silly and totally flawed. Can you give ONE good reason that you can't trust someone who doesn't like to drink? That's like not trusting someone who doesn't like to eat Green Beans.
Geishawhelk Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Could you clarify, (those who use the term 'trust') what you mean by it? Why would non-drinkers make you not trust them, or make you feel uncomfortable? Do I sound like someone untrustworthy? Why? How?? I don't care what you do, providing it doesn't affect me adversely. So what, as a non-drinker, could I possibly do to make you 'mistrust' me of make you feel uncomfortable? I think this would be your problem, not mine.... I would rather trust people who don't drink, than put my trust in someone who's had a mind-altering substance. Especially those who insist, no really, they're perfectly fine to drive, they've only had one little drink. Honestly. The problem is, this wonderful definition of "confident, opinionated, strong-minded adults" flies out of the window when after a loosen-up drink or two, they become anything but. I would classify myself far more of a confident, opinionated, strong-minded adult because I refuse to ingest or imbibe something that would alter my behaviour to the point of possible embarassment, than someone who is quite happy to "get giddy" and assume this is acceptable and reasonable to me. The big problem with people who get tipsy, tiddly or whatever is that - they don't see themselves. They think - they always think - they're perfectly fine and in full control of their faculties. If only they knew.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 You're taking the "trust" thing way out of context, AND taking the thread WAY off-topic. It's a figure of speech. Please focus back on the subject.
norajane Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 The big problem with people who get tipsy, tiddly or whatever is that - they don't see themselves. They think - they always think - they're perfectly fine and in full control of their faculties. If only they knew. Well, some people like that feeling of loosening up the inhibitions. Which is why it's uncomfortable to be dating someone who never drinks at all with you. It's no fun having a drink or two alone, feeling that happy giddy feeling while your date is sitting there like he's at a business meeting.
Geishawhelk Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 You're taking the "trust" thing way out of context, AND taking the thread WAY off-topic. It's a figure of speech. Please focus back on the subject. How is it a figure of speech....? I'm just asking those who used the term 'trust' to explain what they mean. I didn't introduce the term. They did. And The thread is discussing the point you brought up. .....Has anyone dated a completely-sober person and found it caused relationship difficulties? 'Trust' plays a major part in Relationships, and associated difficulties. I'd like to know what they mean by it.
Geishawhelk Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Well, some people like that feeling of loosening up the inhibitions. Which is why it's uncomfortable to be dating someone who never drinks at all with you. It's no fun having a drink or two alone, feeling that happy giddy feeling while your date is sitting there like he's at a business meeting. It's easier for a person who does drink to abstain from drinking, than it is for a teetotal person to have a drink. If you don't like the fact that the person you're dating doesn't drink - there's your option. Either don't drink or don't date them. Simple.
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Well, some people like that feeling of loosening up the inhibitions. Which is why it's uncomfortable to be dating someone who never drinks at all with you. It's no fun having a drink or two alone, feeling that happy giddy feeling while your date is sitting there like he's at a business meeting. A business meeting? Look I like a drink myself, god knows I probably had too much of it as a teenager, but I don't find it difficult to get into a loosened up state without it, neither do I have any friends that aren't fun to be around whether drinking or not drinking. It's easy to soak up a vibe of others, have you ever even tried it? I simply do not get why people think you have to have a drink to let go. Unless you're talking about the type of drinking where you're completely rat-arsed. In which case, that's just embarassing.
Geishawhelk Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Why can’t there be some form of compromise? A person doesn’t drink alcohol can have a non-alcoholic beverage while the other person has a wine or beer. This whole topic is a non-starter for men and women who are mature and sensible. I will never get drunk when I am on a date and if I dated a girl who didn’t drink I wouldn’t get drunken around her, I’ll save that for social gatherings with my friends. That's the point I was making. I'm quite happy with that. It's the opinion of others in this thread, however, who DO drink, that they'd find it difficult to date someone who doesn't drink -because they don't drink - !
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Why can’t there be some form of compromise? A person doesn’t drink alcohol can have a non-alcoholic beverage while the other person has a wine or beer. This whole topic is a non-starter for men and women who are mature and sensible. I will never get drunk when I am on a date and if I dated a girl who didn’t drink I wouldn’t get drunken around her, I’ll save that for social gatherings with my friends. I agree, I mean on the parternship selection priority list where does low intoxicant consumption feature?
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 It’s wonderful to be able to embarrass yourself and no have a care for it. Past a certain age, if you still need to do that then you're in a perpetual state of adolesence.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 How is it a figure of speech....? Figure of speech, joke, whatever. I say, "I don't trust people who don't eat meat" ALL the time. Am I serious? Heavens, no. It means, "I cannot relate to their reasoning."
monkey00 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Speaking from a specific standpoint, drinking is as much a cultural thing as it is a lifestyle and upbringing. Personally I'm not big on drinking or getting drunk, I never was. But I'll usually do it if I'm out socially with friends especially at a bar. In technicality for health reasons, I'm not supposed to have alcohol at all but I ignore that fact and still do it with my friends - conservatively yet responsibly. I have a friend who hates the taste of beer, but he would happily down hard liquor. As for people that don't drink, they are missing out on a lot socially wise. I have nothing against people that drink or don't. But drinking has been and will always be a way of socially bonding with people. If you have a roommate, and a large flat screen TV it only increases your chances of bringing both of you together for a common joy. Having drinks with people does the same thing. Why do people socially smoke? Same reasons. Though I would never. I've found that most girls I've gone out with in the past who don't drink usually are boring as previously mentioned..so that is true to some extent. However I know people who do drink who are boring as do people who don't drink that are interesting people. Definitely though to each their own. Personally if I was going out with a girl that doesn't drink, I could overlook that and see her other qualities. A classy girl is one that drinks conservatively on social means...once I went out on a date with an older woman who kept talking about beer and drinking..it was a turn off. If the OP can't overlook this little flaw from the guy, then I think she should move on.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 That's the point I was making. I'm quite happy with that. It's the opinion of others in this thread, however, who DO drink, that they'd find it difficult to date someone who doesn't drink -because they don't drink - ! When someone has an interest that they particularly enjoy, they want to be able to share that with their partner. It might not be a problem for the non-[insert activity here], but it usually will be for the one who engages in whatever it is...be it skiing, traveling, wine tasting, etc. For example, my ex was a huge skiier. If I hadn't taken up the sport myself, I would have been alone every weekend from November through March. It was important to him that his partner share the same interests. If I had refused to ski "just because," well then...we would have had a problem. Similarly, if a guy had absolutely no interest in seeing the world, then as a globe-trotter, I'd have to say bye-bye. This drinking thing (particularly wine) really is a grey area though.
Arise_Serpentor Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I think you have to find someone you have something in common with! Doing the skiing thing disingenuous in my opinion! Because A) You are really not that interested! Only trying to be to suit his interests and B) What happens when he finds a hot babe really into skiing! Think he won't be thinking of trading up?!? I think the odds of you becoming his ideal skiing partner are slim!!!
monkey00 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I think certain people have certain reasons why they don't drink. Have you thought about asking him straight up why without making a big fuss over it? I'm sure if it was a good reason it wouldn't be so bad..
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I so know what you mean. Sharing a good wine, some bubbly, a drink or two is something pleasurable and sexy. I don't think I could date someone who went to a bar and ordered a soda or out to dinner and ordered a bottle of mineral water! What a turn off that would be for me! So you take an attribute of a person - the fact that they don't drink - and then you build it into a mental picture of it being a turn off at some point in the future at some hypothetical situation you might end up in? Now picture again - lets say a George Clooney lookalike/[insert Hot Guy Here] walks up to the bar of his private boat on the carribean and orders a soda to go with your wine, do you really care? I think it's kind of presumptious to construct these potential in the future situations over something which appears miniscule to me, but that's just me, I'd go and find out personally whether there was enough there or not. This thread irks me because I find this so trivial so I'll have to duck out before my mind numbs
Geishawhelk Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Figure of speech, joke, whatever. I say, "I don't trust people who don't eat meat" ALL the time. Am I serious? Heavens, no. It means, "I cannot relate to their reasoning." Well let's take this a step further then, if this is what you mean. When someone has an interest that they particularly enjoy, they want to be able to share that with their partner. It might not be a problem for the non-[insert activity here], but it usually will be for the one who engages in whatever it is...be it skiing, traveling, wine tasting, etc...... This drinking thing (particularly wine) really is a grey area though. Let's say I'm a guy. I don't drink. Don't like it, the taste, whatever. Just because. However, I do occasionally like to indulge in a good strong spliff.... or maybe an occasional, if rare little line of heroin..... Not too much. Just enough to let me really hang loose and let my backbone slip.... just a leeeeeetle bit.... to relax..... chill..... Care to join me? (leave aside the 'legal' argument for the moment. That WOULD be OT.....)
norajane Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 It's easier for a person who does drink to abstain from drinking, than it is for a teetotal person to have a drink. If you don't like the fact that the person you're dating doesn't drink - there's your option. Either don't drink or don't date them. Simple. YES, exactly. And that's EXACTLY what Star was asking - what is my opinion of dating people who don't drink if I am someone who does like to drink. And I gave my opinion - that I would not enjoy dating someone who never drinks because I'd miss having some fun with him that I'd prefer to share with my bf. I LIKE the altered state of mind and emotion that comes from having a glass or two of wine, or a margarita, or a mojito. And I'd like to share that altered state with my bf because it's FUN. So I wouldn't enjoy dating someone who never drank, because there would be times I'd really miss having that kind of fun with him. I'm not telling you what to do, and I don't give a rat's ass if people drink or not. But I might not enjoy dating them if they never drink. That's my opinion, which Star asked for.
Author Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Well let's take this a step further then, if this is what you mean. Let's say I'm a guy. I don't drink. Don't like it, the taste, whatever. Just because. However, I do occasionally like to indulge in a good strong spliff.... or maybe an occasional, if rare little line of heroin..... Not too much. Just enough to let me really hang loose and let my backbone slip.... just a leeeeeetle bit.... to relax..... chill..... Care to join me? (leave aside the 'legal' argument for the moment. That WOULD be OT.....) Equating a glass of wine to a line of heroin is absolutely ridiculous.
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