BlueHarvest Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 My question isn't about to pay or not though. It's how far do I do the whole "solo pay" thing. I'm not exactly rolling in dough. I do have rent, car payments, food, etc etc. to pay. I've gone out for about 3 dates now. And I've payed for everything each time. Food, movie, etc. I just bought us tickets to a concert coming up and she offered to help out with the tickets because we were discussing where we wanted to sit and she asked me how much they were compared to the ones I had suggested earlier. Anyways I said "nah, it was my idea anyways. I got it. Maybe you can be in charge of dinner though ok?" I thought maybe that would be fair. If she bought dinner that night before/during/after the concert and I got the tickets. I tried to drop the hint subtly with that line but I don't know if she understood or not. We are really into each other but my only issues I have so far are 1)Keeping myself in check and not trying to go too fast in the relationship and 2)Not becoming a doormat (just in case...boots come in all shapes and sizes after all). I just don't know when to stop paying...lol
alphamale Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I just don't know when to stop paying...lol if she has money and is smart and likes you then she should start coughing up the dough fairly soon. if she doesn't then sit and have a "talk" with her but make sure she likes you first
CGrace44 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I agree. I have always been money-aware, you could say, to guys I have dated. The guy I am currently seeing has paid for us to have dinner once before and breakfast once this morning. When I thanked him for breakfast I also told him that I would get the next one. It's kind of seems like common courtesy since we are both college students with little money to spare. Some girls I know do not think in the same way...they think the guy should pay for everything and will get offended if you say something like "Can you get this one?" I suggest next time she brings up getting dinner, tell her that your funds a limited (even if they are not) and see if she is willing to help out and get the check.
alphamale Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I suggest next time she brings up getting dinner, tell her that your funds a limited (even if they are not) and see if she is willing to help out and get the check. or he could tell her its her turn to make him dinner...
Lizzie60 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 If she just keeps dating and never even suggest to pay anything.. she's a 'loser'... a 'profiteuse'... just dump her.. She is either playing 'dumb' or is really dumb... methink she is taking advantage of you.. and when she'll get tired.. she'll just dump you and you'll be the guy with who she had lots of fun with ... FREE...
Shygirl15 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 If she just keeps dating and never even suggest to pay anything.. she's a 'loser'... a 'profiteuse'... just dump her.. She is either playing 'dumb' or is really dumb... methink she is taking advantage of you.. and when she'll get tired.. she'll just dump you and you'll be the guy with who she had lots of fun with ... FREE... Lizzie, I hate it when I always have to agree with you! Yeah, I mean she has to be either dumb, very young, or not into you that much. I'm all for let-the-guy-pay but when I really like the guy, there's no limit to what I can do for him..
BubblyPopcorn Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I think her buying dinner since your buying the tickets is perfectly fair and acceptable and if she does too then she shouldnt have a problem with it. I tried to drop the hint subtly with that line but I don't know if she understood or not. How did you phrase it too her exactly? Being subtle often backfires because it puts the other person in the position of having to read between the lines and that tends to cause confusion so maybe approach it like Cgrace mentioned.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 If you end up not having dinner together before the concert I would maybe jokingly after the concert say something like "hey I thought you were buying dinner, must have forgot haha" or maybe something less insensitive. Some of us traditional women need an opener or little push to offer to pay. I know many guys who would refuse to have a woman pay for them, so I'm never sure what to do. My current bf doesn't have any money so I often just say I'll get this, or this one's on me. But I also sometimes feel like I'm showing off that I can afford this and he can't, maybe that's not true but I feel that way.
torranceshipman Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I do agree that coming straight out and discussing it is cool-I tend to date a lot of guys who are quite traditional and they want to pay but to be fair I dont want to sound like I just always expect it, but its awkward to bring it up....I did try one time to split the check on the 1st date and tbh the guy was offended and wrote it off as standard 'she paid her way cause she wasnt interested' behavior!!! I went back to letting the guy pay after that
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