OpenBook Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 what do you make of his providing his phone number the day after the date, and inviting me to phone him? More PUA tactics? He was trying to be nice, and play it your way - at least, his perception of "your way." You have already set the tone for the relationship: Hmmm. It was only one date after several months of on an off emailing, which dropped off until I initiated it a few weeks ago. I could text him, but the thing is he gave me his phone number because I told him I like to talk on the phone. He now expects you to make all the first moves. It may not be right, but it's the way guys think. You are setting yourself up to be used by this guy. As compatible as you two may be, you already have him started off in the wrong direction. Your only hope is to stop contacting him, and if he ever does contact you again, be nice but a little "out-of-breath" busy and don't give him more than two minutes of your precious time. Just assume he is calling to say hi, and nothing else - and react to that accordingly. And pat yourself on the back for not sleeping with him! Good call. when I first encountered him in person, I thought, "nah" right away, not my type, but then became interested as the night progressed. 6 hours passed without notice. It made an impression, to say the least. Never ignore your own instincts, or your first impressions.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Never ignore your own instincts, or your first impressions. Do you base your first impressions solely on how a person looks? I've tried to get past that. The biggest problems I've had were with the ones I was immediately physically attracted to. I'm a sucker for a pretty face. As for my instincts, they are telling me not to chase because I will not be happy with what I catch. I've spent too much of my adult life chasing illusory men. Now I like them to meet me at least half way.
marlena Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Somehow I missed that! I agree, the ball's back in his court. Kick back and go about your life. It most definitely is in his court. If he's really interested, he will respond. Never pursue anyone...it's not a classy thing to do. You showed your interest. It is up to him to reciprocate. That simple.
OpenBook Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Do you base your first impressions solely on how a person looks? I believe that unconsciously we pick up on a lot more things about a person than their looks, upon first meeting them. It's part of our survival instinct, honed and perfected over thousands of years of our evolution, "sizing up an unknown quantity" to the best of our ability. The cues include the person's body language, facial expression, the overall picture of them (how well their clothes fit, how their hair is manicured and kept, etc.). We even use our olfactory senses on an unconscious level, to detect a compatible body scent... and our auditory senses to process the pitch, tone and timbre of their voice and any other bodily sounds they may make (e.g., thighs rubbing together when they walk).
marlena Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I believe that unconsciously we pick up on a lot more things about a person than their looks, upon first meeting them. Yes, it is that elusive "something" that electrifies the air and titillates our senses...to the point where resistance is quite simply not an option.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 I believe that unconsciously we pick up on a lot more things about a person than their looks, upon first meeting them. It's part of our survival instinct, honed and perfected over thousands of years of our evolution, "sizing up an unknown quantity" to the best of our ability. The cues include the person's body language, facial expression, the overall picture of them (how well their clothes fit, how their hair is manicured and kept, etc.). We even use our olfactory senses on an unconscious level, to detect a compatible body scent... and our auditory senses to process the pitch, tone and timbre of their voice and any other bodily sounds they may make (e.g., thighs rubbing together when they walk). Smell is definitely important to me, and I have often walked away when that struck me as unattractive. I didn't pick up a whiff of anything repellent. His voice, however, was initially higher than I expected (we hadn't talked on the phone before meeting). He struck me as rather ordinary, not overly stylish,but neat, whereas he said he had a "wow" moment when I walked in, and was very complimentary the rest of the night, without being pushy. I've often been very shallow in terms of men's looks--another way instincts get over-ruled. So I've made a conscious effort to look for other qualities in people, which often take longer to reveal themselves. But your point is well-taken.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Yes, it is that elusive "something" that electrifies the air and titillates our senses...to the point where resistance is quite simply not an option. I do believe what you're referring to is lust.
OpenBook Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Thanks. I also believe that Carhill said it best: "The person who cares the least has the most power in the relationship." I'm still trying to process this one myself.
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 It most definitely is in his court. If he's really interested, he will respond. Never pursue anyone...it's not a classy thing to do. You showed your interest. It is up to him to reciprocate. That simple. Grrrr...not to pick on you marlena but that word drives me batty. If you don't mind, I'm going to rephrase it. "Never pursue a man...it usually doesn't end well since the type of man you want is someone who knows what they want and isn't afraid to go get it." Men are historically the hunters in romantic relationships. Let'em hunt, I say!
marlena Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Men are historically the hunters in romantic relationships. Let'em hunt, I say! My motto for sure. I mean if I have made a move, I expect him to make the next and then I the next and so on and so forth. This is the natural course of things. If someone hasn't reciprocated, why should I go after him? It is a two way street after all, is it not? Never pursue a man...it usually doesn't end well since the type of man you want is someone who knows what they want and isn't afraid to go get it." As for this, I totally agree. There is nothing more appealing or sexy than a man who knows what he wants and goes after it. The problem, TBF, is that some women don't seem to care what the man wants and relentlessly pursue. Sorry but that is "classless" to me. What we say in my neck of the woods is this: "If you don't want me once, I don't want you twice.":eek:
Trialbyfire Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 There is nothing more appealing or sexy than a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.A pure, raw turn-on. What we say in my neck of the woods is this: "If you don't want me once, I don't want you twice.":eek:Great saying. I might just use it.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 What we say in my neck of the woods is this: "If you don't want me once, I don't want you twice.":eek: I think I'm going to be using this one too.
marlena Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I think I'm going to be using this one too. Great!! As of today, it will be our motto!!
Star Gazer Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 What we say in my neck of the woods is this: "If you don't want me once, I don't want you twice.":eek: That's honestly so good that it makes me embarassed for myself.
marlena Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 That's honestly so good that it makes me embarassed for myself. No, no, never, Star!! It's a hard lesson to learn. Believe me, I know. And I am much older than you.
Star Gazer Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 No, no, never, Star!! It's a hard lesson to learn. Believe me, I know. And I am much older than you. Well... I'm still embarassed for myself.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Great!! As of today, it will be our motto!! I'm all for a motto!! And that one is a good one!
Lishy Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 I havent read the replies but I have a nugget for you I learned a few years ago NEVER, and I mean ... NEVER chase a man at the beginning of a relationship. It is fine to say that you like to chase, that you like to be in control BUT it will rarely get the guy! ALWAYS let a man chase you and make all the first moves, it is my rule of thumb and it works! You will know when a man is interested as he will call ... he will makes plans and he will let you know! If you are second guessing a guys interest, it is because there is not much interest!
Author Capricciosa Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 You will know when a man is interested as he will call ... he will makes plans and he will let you know! If you are second guessing a guys interest, it is because there is not much interest! What a terribly hard truth that is.
OpenBook Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Yes it is hard to take sometimes. But I've found as I've gotten older that it's easier to go thru the disappointment without assuming I'm horribly flawed or there's something wrong with ME. (There's not; it's more simple than that - the spark just didn't catch fire. It wasn't meant to be.) I see it more clearly now. It's not nearly as devastating... more like a speed bump. And the next guy, five rows down or five minutes later, is crazy about me.:bunny:
Author Capricciosa Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 Well a week after the initial date, I have to admit it was really bugging me that I hadn't received any word from him, since I'm generally pretty sure about when someone is into me or not. So going against everyone's sage advice, I just decided to just go ahead and call him, since he'd given me his number and invited me to do so. He seemed pretty pleased to hear from me, and after another amiable chat, he asked me if I'd like to go for lunch on the weekend, then asked a few other questions about whether I would like to do this or that with him, and even said he told his brother all about me the day after our date, who then suggested a double date with him and his girlfriend. Near the end of the phone call, he asked if he could have my number. I said, huh? I already gave it to you. He had no recollection of this--we had finished off a couple of bottles of wine when I gave it to him--and felt rather embarrassed. So he may come to an event I will be at tonight, and if not will call me tomorrow so we can arrange our lunch. He also seemed a bit shy about asking me out for the second date. In any case, you all may be proven right in the end that he is trying to play me, gain power, upper hand, is not that into me, whatever, but he may just be a little awkward and shy, despite his gift of gab. I'll keep you posted.
marlena Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 OK! It seems like the call turned out just fine. Good luck, Capri, and enjoy yourself!
Trialbyfire Posted November 13, 2008 Posted November 13, 2008 Good luck Capricciosa! Everyone has to take the tactic that works for them, as individuals. He has been playing you but to what end, who knows. He might be one of the good'uns.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 13, 2008 Author Posted November 13, 2008 Thanks gals. I'll reserve my judgment for now. Generally, I don't trust them as far as I can throw them. I'll let you all know how the date goes (should it actually take place--see, I'm being realistic).
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