Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I went on a great first date with a guy the other night. We got along so well that hours flew by, and I was smiling all the way home. We had met online and had emailed numerous times, but this was our first meeting, and made me want more of the same, thank you. There were some hugs and a small kiss before he departed, which he entirely initiated. Before I went on my way, I gave him my phone number. I didn't say call me, but I thought it was implied. The next day he wrote me to thank me for the evening and to give me his number, with an encouraging comment to give him a call. I emailed back, but did not call, and the waiting game begins. He also has yet to respond to my email. I really enjoyed him, and would definitely like to see him again. I've already stopped myself 3 x from asking him to do something else (I've got a number of social engagements coming up). But I don't want to get into the pursuer role. Normally I have no problem calling guys, or asking them out--I've stated as much here on LS numerous times--but he was hard to get to the first date, though I know when it finally came together he had as good a time as I, was very obviously enthused by me on all levels, and was clearly happy in the email, suggesting we do it again. Do I sit tight and wait to see what he does? Or do I chance letting the sparkle become a fizzle as the days go by?
CGrace44 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 From my experience, some guys wait for the girl to make the first move after the first date. I'm not sure why but they are usually glad for the call. I would say call him, make some small talk, and if that goes well then ask him out. If that seems a little too forward to you then send him a message/email that is simple, but flirty like: dinner this week? let me know.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Thanks, CGrace. I hate that there are all these landmines when you're first trying to get to know someone. It's hard to know how to set the tone/pace.
amaysngrace Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I'd go the elusive route. No making the first move. Make him come to you.
Nemo Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I really enjoyed him, If the sex was that good, then I would definitely push for a second date.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 If the sex was that good, then I would definitely push for a second date. No sex on the first date, Nemo. You have misunderstood my enjoyment...
alphamale Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 No sex on the first date, Nemo. You have misunderstood my enjoyment... why don't you text him? or do you not have that capability?
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 What kind of guy/potential relationship do you want? How you handle the first part of the dating experience, will help to define what kind of expectations you have for the guy. Is getting the guy more important than finding a guy that meets your needs and expectations? You decide what matters more to you and then react accordingly. No risk, no chance of a great return.
Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Is getting the guy more important than finding a guy that meets your needs and expectations? You decide what matters more to you and then react accordingly. No risk, no chance of a great return. Wow. Lightbulb moment. Very good point there...
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 What kind of guy/potential relationship do you want? How you handle the first part of the dating experience, will help to define what kind of expectations you have for the guy. Is getting the guy more important than finding a guy that meets your needs and expectations? You decide what matters more to you and then react accordingly. No risk, no chance of a great return. Hmmm. It was only one date after several months of on an off emailing, which dropped off until I initiated it a few weeks ago. I had a feeling about him, and the way we communicated was most exciting to both of us. Only a few times in my life had I had such an immediate communication and understanding with someone. My over-active imagination spun it into a lifetime of fun and deep communication with someone who is on my level. So I want a guy that meets my needs and expectations, not just any guy. I've been dating someone else for a few months now, and that level of communication is definitely not there, and has really affected my enjoyment of his company. Based on a description that I wrote months and months ago, this new guy hits a lot of the marks in terms of what I'm looking for in a man. And that in itself is terrifying...
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 why don't you text him? or do you not have that capability? I could text him, but the thing is he gave me his phone number because I told him I like to talk on the phone. It would seem like a bit of a cop out to text instead.
sid3 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Why is it terrifying that he appears to measure up to your list? I've never heard anyone put it like that before. Is something with your woman's intuition telling you to be careful about getting involved with this particular guy.If the thought of him is giving you knots instead of butterflies, maybe you shouldn't call. IDK, then again it could be the call that changes your life...thinking too much maybe? Why not go with your gut instinct, it's often right on the money..
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Cap, realistically speaking, you don't know him very well. Most of your communications have been online. He's positioned himself in that way that's most attractive to you and has caused you to be the aggressor. I'm going to draw potentially, an inaccurate conclusion. He maintains contact for awhile, then when things seem to go like gangbusters, he stops. This makes you pursue him by contacting him, of which contact continues, then stops again. If this sounds familiar, then I'll continue. If it doesn't, I'll stop.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Why is it terrifying that he appears to measure up to your list? I've never heard anyone put it like that before. Is something with your woman's intuition telling you to be careful about getting involved with this particular guy.If the thought of him is giving you knots instead of butterflies, maybe you shouldn't call. IDK, then again it could be the call that changes your life...thinking too much maybe? Why not go with your gut instinct, it's often right on the money.. I guess it is terrifying in terms of my getting fixated on him because I think he is all that. The terror is not of him potentially being great (I hope he is), but of my becoming a madwoman in trying to make it all happen before I even know what he is made of. There is also one caveat (at least). There is a chance that in 10 months time he won't be living in my city anymore. And this does give me pause.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Cap, realistically speaking, you don't know him very well. Most of your communications have been online. He's positioned himself in that way that's most attractive to you and has caused you to be the aggressor. I'm going to draw potentially, an inaccurate conclusion. He maintains contact for awhile, then when things seem to go like gangbusters, he stops. This makes you pursue him by contacting him, of which contact continues, then stops again. If this sounds familiar, then I'll continue. If it doesn't, I'll stop. You could be absolutely right. This was what the first phase was like. I don't want to get into that pattern. I really have no stomach for it. But really, I've only experienced that level of instant communication 5/6 times in my life, so it's hard to shake. All those other people became, at least, good friends.
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 This pick up and drop is what the PUA community call "the hook". What you'll need to do is to ascertain if he's one of the good guys who uses this methodology to gain a girl's interest to enter into a relationship or if he's just a playah. Be careful. Time to let him chase you.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 This pick up and drop is what the PUA community call "the hook". What you'll need to do is to ascertain if he's one of the good guys who uses this methodology to gain a girl's interest to enter into a relationship or if he's just a playah. Be careful. Time to let him chase you. It's not like I've been immune to playahs in the past. But what do you make of his providing his phone number the day after the date, and inviting me to phone him? More PUA tactics? BTW, we have so much in common to begin with because of education, career, place we grew up, etc. And when I first encountered him in person, I thought, "nah" right away, not my type, but then became interested as the night progressed. 6 hours passed without notice. It made an impression, to say the least.
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 It's not like I've been immune to playahs in the past. But what do you make of his providing his phone number the day after the date, and inviting me to phone him? More PUA tactics?I don't know but I do know he's put the ball back into your court. Here's an idea. Do what alpha says by sending him a text, using the following: "testing123 ;)" And that's it. This puts the ball firmly back into his court, where it belongs. BTW, we have so much in common to begin with because of education, career, place we grew up, etc. And when I first encountered him in person, I thought, "nah" right away, not my type, but then became interested as the night progressed. 6 hours passed without notice. It made an impression, to say the least. Always nice to have compatible backgrounds. Kick back and relax. Let's see what he does.
Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I'm going to draw potentially, an inaccurate conclusion. He maintains contact for awhile, then when things seem to go like gangbusters, he stops. This makes you pursue him by contacting him, of which contact continues, then stops again. If this sounds familiar, then I'll continue. If it doesn't, I'll stop. That is precisely what I'm dealing with now. How damn frustrating!!!
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 That is precisely what I'm dealing with now. How damn frustrating!!! The next time he contacts, drop him back, at the worst possible time, when you've got his full-on attention. It's a two-way street if he wants your attention.
Star Gazer Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 The next time he contacts, drop him back, at the worst possible time, when you've got his full-on attention. It's a two-way street if he wants your attention. I don't expect to ever hear from him again. I have to make that assumption, and just move on. *sigh* Good luck, Cap! I hope your sitch works out better than mine has.
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I don't expect to ever hear from him again. I have to make that assumption, and just move on. *sigh* Good luck, Cap! I hope your sitch works out better than mine has. I'm sorry to hear that but if he doesn't recontact, it's probably for the best. A guy who doesn't show consistent interest is rarely worth investing in.
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 I don't expect to ever hear from him again. I have to make that assumption, and just move on. *sigh* Good luck, Cap! I hope your sitch works out better than mine has. Was this the non-drinking guy? (or am I confused?) I've taken to always assuming that I will never hear from them again, until otherwise proven. Thanks SG. I do think I should sit still and relax and just assume I began some sort of friendship that will reveal itself worth my attention or not in time. It is excruciating in a way, but it can be lived with. *sigh*
Author Capricciosa Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 And that's it. This puts the ball firmly back into his court, where it belongs. I thought that replying to his email put the ball back into his court (where it belongs ).
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I thought that replying to his email put the ball back into his court (where it belongs ). Somehow I missed that! I agree, the ball's back in his court. Kick back and go about your life. He's playing you but to what end, you'll find out.
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