TheRock Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 As you may have read on other posts, I've been arguing w/my GF of 2 1/2 yrs. We were about to call it quits, not cause we don't love eachother, but cause we can't take the pain of fighting anymore. We've both been a wreck for the past week. We talked finally on Thursday at her suggestion. We decided to keep things as they were and try....again. Prior to leaving my place, she suggested we go out on Sunday to the City. She apologized that she wasn't going to be around on Fri Nite or Sat since she made plans to visit her cousin prior to our getting back together. It's Sat. I sent her flowers and and apology card for acting like an A$$. I haven't heard from her yet. Don't know if she's home yet or ignoring me or what. Might not be back till tonight. I don't know. Hope she calls me. I'm not calling her. She seemed legit about going out Sunday and was looking foward to it as a new beginning. Hope she's not having second thoughts. Just trying to cope and vent right now. Any suggestions?
UnamedSeven Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I don't think that she has Second chances. If she did, she would contact you in someway. It could just be that things aren't right, as of the moment, so its best to just "let things be". You apologized, and thats as much as you can do until she reacts. If she doesn't call you or make contact before tomorrow, then just go about with going out on Sunday with her.
Author TheRock Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 OK...So, she called me Sunday morning on the way home from the gym, excited to see me. We agreed to meet up at noon. She got home and her father asks her to rake the yard (she's 31 and still lives home, but helps out all the time with chores...above and beyond). She called me, explained and said she needed 20 min more. I said no prob. 20 min later, calls again hysterically crying. Said now she is so sorry that now her mom and dad want her to do the back yard too and it's become a big fight cause they don't care she has plans. They even threw at her that "you don't love us if you don't help rake the leaves. And, you don't care about this family!" Her Dad is Over-controlling and manipulates her with things like this. Always when she has plans, like he doesn't want to let her go...Attachment issues. She apologized again and said she knew this is why we've been fighting with eachother and that her family sucks. She just explained to them the other day that the reason she and I are fighting is cause she has to keep cancelling plans or shows up late or depressed and not in the mood to be romantic with me because of their overbearingness.. She's very depressed. I said no worries, I'm not mad and understand...Call me when you're done. She called 2 hours later and brought me a present for my apt. cause she was thinking of me the other day. She was still distraught. She left and texted me goodnite xoxo later that evening. How do I deal with the interfering father?
ThomasX Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Overbearring father at 31? Thats a little odd. But you can't do anything about her father. Only she can. And if you lead or influence her into choosing a side, she may initially choose you, but in the end will choose her father over you. So keep that in mind. You may want to look for a new girl my friend.
UnamedSeven Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 You really wouldn't want to be involved with the family unless if its something as serious as this. If you do get involved with her family where you personally have to step in, make it the first and the last. If you really want to make it so that the Father will stop, is it possible to have a talk with him? i mean, i know its scary but you would have to tell him that the Family Issues have nearly destroyed everything between you and her Daughter. If this doesn't work, and things get worse, have her move in for a few months?
Author TheRock Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 We've talked about moving in together, but she's paranoid about it and her mom has brainwashed her to get a place of her own FIRST and live alone to prove she can handle herself. I'm not against that and think it will be good for her. At one point she was VERY close to moving in, until she was talked out of it. Then, she went to rent her own apartment THREE times and her father talked her out of it saying she should by instead of rent. Unfortunately, he shoots down every house she likes (he's giving her $ toward it) and manipulates her more. That's been for 2 years now. He shoots the houses down to keep her home in my opinion...
Ronni_W Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 , she went to rent her own apartment THREE times and her father talked her out of it Can she afford to rent an apartment without her family's assistance, or is she still financially dependent on them? If she doesn't need their money, then you're dealing with much larger issues than just her living arrangements -- even if she is able to gain her much-needed physical distance, their emotional hooks are always going to be deeply felt and she will cave-in every single time they yank on the chains that bind her.
Author TheRock Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 She can afford to rent, but her father tells her she's throwing her money away by renting and then convinces her that she's "so close" to buying something, to hold out... She's been looking for a place for the past 5+ years and every house she picks, her parents say it's not good enough. I've seen some of them and they were fine (I work in construction on the side, so I know what to look for). They are giving her $100k towards a place, so they have that to manipulate her with. She couldn't afford to buy without it. I overheard her dad even say one time, that he doesn't know what he'll do when my GF moves out and he's "stuck" there with her mom... Issues???? I think so...
Lizzie60 Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 WOW.. at 31.. and she can't stand for herself.. She needs to leave the parents' house ASAP... and be independant.. as long as she'll stay with this jerk.. she'll be insecure and her self-esteem will take a toll.. I can see that, the damage has already been done though..
Author TheRock Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 I'm hopeful we CAN recover from this. She's so battered and exhausted from this that I think she's skeptical. We've both lost LOTS of sleep over it, as we've been "fighting" everytime he steps in and ruins OUR plans. IT'S EASIER at this point for us to break up and for her not have ANY relationships than to continue to feel upset and see me hurt and affected by this. She's always depressed and crying over this. She says she loves me and is IN love with me, but she is exhausted from this. She admitted to me that she's lost many relationships to this, but she is too weak to do anything about it. We're back to talking again, hopefully we will recover.
UnamedSeven Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 If you wanted to, you can fake break up with her (she knows that its a fake btw) and have her act so much more depressed around her parents so that the break up can knock some sense into them
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