luckystars Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Hello all! First time poster here. I probably should have been here months ago, since that's when my problems started. I am going to try very hard to keep this post simple,too My husband and I met four years ago while we were in the military, were good friends for about a year before we got romantically involved and were engaged 3 months later. Now we've been married for a little over two years. It's also important to know that I'm 27 and he's 22 so there's a bit of an age gap. I got out of the military in May and he had to wait until June, so I took a couple of weeks to find a place to live in Texas (we were in California) while he finished his last few weeks of work. We'd planned for over a year to get out of the military and go to school in Texas. When I got back to California, the poop basically hit the fan and he told me then that he'd been thinking while I was gone that maybe I wasn't what he wanted anymore. Not going to go into all of the drama, but for the next two months, I cried a lot, we moved to Texas, and I was treated like crap 99% of the time. As far as he was concerned, he thought I was being too emotional and I should just wait and see if things fixed themselves in a few months. He didn't want to change how he treated me or try to fix anything - just wanted to live together, have me cook and clean, while he treated me like poop. So I went to a counselor and that helped - hubby didn't want to go at all so I went by myself. A few months ago, things got better slowly and I ultimately told him that I had a few deal-breakers that I wouldn't compromise on and would leave if he couldn't comply. After that, things pretty much went to the way they were before we started having trouble in May. Now, I've confronted my fear of getting divorced so that changes things a little for me. I feel over and over again like he doesn't respect me. For instance, the other night he was telling me about a friend of his that was really depressed and I thought I would tell him about a time I was depressed and hard it is to see anything other than crap when you're in that place - he stopped me pretty early in and said "don't be all psychotherapist" or something like that. Over and over again he said it when I was trying to explain what I was trying to say and I eventually gave up and was extremely upset. He rarely gives me the respect I deserve. He talks to people at work about religion now, and for all of our marriage, he's told me simply that he is athiest and that is it. Now, he's thinking of going to church, but doesn't want to talk to me about it any more than that. Just another example of him not treating me like my opinion matters. I've asked him to tell me why he loves me, and he refuses. He says he loves me, but just thinks it's ridiculous to come up with a list. I tried to wait and see if he would do it on his own, and I never hear one good thing that he thinks about me. I'm beautiful, smart, and deserve better. I am just trying to figure out how much of this is him being simply a man and immature. ?? Any advice maybe from someone who's seen younger guys grow up without having to leave them?? I know he loves me, somewhere in there .. I just think I married him without letting him learn some of this stuff first. I struggle mostly with if he will figure this stuff out or if I really either have to live with it or leave. If we weren't married - it'd be easy. I'd just leave! I just can't figure out if this is something that can get better. Has anyone else made it through this kind of stuff? lack of respect and not knowing WHY they love you? Thanks in advance! Sorry for the long story.
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