Your Post-Breakup Experiences

[hereandnow]

I would like to hear how you're handling your breakups and what's happening. Did you go LC, NC, what happened, did you get a second chance, how long it took you to get over it, etc. I'd especially like to hear about any awkward moments soon after the breakup.

 

As I've said in my other thread, I've been LC for two weeks and now I'm going NC. I just can't seem to completely keep the relationship out of the conversation. I don't plead or beg, but it seems I just have to throw something about it in there.

[openbook08]

new to this whats LC?? OH! is it limited contact??

if Id brains Id be dangerous

 

anyway.........dumped by text in june after 5 years. IMMEDIATELY after I initiated NC. anyway between then and about a month ago he did all the contacting & I foolishly answered eventually culminating in him telling me it was a big mistake wanted to marry me etc only for about 1-2wks later say he wasnt sure again. so I told him I wasnt interested in bein friends didnt wish him any bad etc etc not to contact me which he didnt for about another 10 days & then again a week after. of course bein honest even tho he treated me like **** , ya I was hoping hed want me back. the last week I talked to him (about a month ago i think) it was everyday..even pullin up outside my house to see if I wanted to go for a drive go do somethin together.... he was off a few days sick called me first thing in morning to see any chance I was off too spend the day together....I even bought him icecream (sore throat) left it at his front door text him theres a surprise for you on your doorstep he responded is it you??

 

UNTIL i found out he has a new girlf and had done since about 2wks after he told me he wanted to marry me SO in answer to your post (sorry it took so long to get here ha ha ha ..)

 

I changed my no. , blocked his emails deleted my facebook acc. and although I still have bad days, it was the best thing I ever did. because Ive got that distance I finally have the space to look back without the rose tinted glasses and see him for what he really was. and each day I move on I can be more and more honest with myself & find myself talking about him less and less. I keep very busy too and I love the feelin of bein tired from bein too active as opposed to bein tired cos we had ANOTHER take away & wathced ANOTHER dvd!! .

 

I have good & bad days but I know Im headin in the right direction & one day Ill realise what a lucky escape I really had.

[EmperorR]

47 days NC, got dumped sep 4 for a week I did the "friends" crap, untill I found out she was talking to some new guy but he was just a "friend" , I did NC for like 3 days then text her out of the blue regarding if her cat was still sick (he was beforeand I paid his vet bill) and she told me to forget about us, whwne I was just asking about the well being about the cat, that night I decided to go strict NC, and I haven't looked back once. She has tried to contact me 4 times, 2 instant messages over yahoo messenger before I blocked her for good, a text message on what would have been our 3 year anniversary asking for a 2 dollar notebook, which i promptly deleted, and then sending a text msg from some unknown number which I deleted. I feel urges all the time just to text her or email, because I haev so much to get off my chest, but I refuse to, no way I'm I goign to feel like I did the first few days. I found out she is dating that new "friend", only bothered me for like one day, NC really does work.

 

Next up is getting a new number and moving, so she can never contact me again.

[openbook08]

yay emperorr!!

come to my new numbers club.

its great giving it out to only those who deserve it

[CarrieT]

After a three-year relationship (and being business partners), I did not have the luxury of being able to facilitate NC as there was so much business crap to have to deal with.

 

My break-up occurred in the middle of July and -- I'm sorry to say -- I have had to talk to my Ex on a weekly basis every since. And every time it usually brings me to tears and several-days' worth of depression. Immediately after the break-up, while I was packing to move and waiting for my apartment to be ready (about three weeks) *he* was bringing home girls to sleep with while I was camped out on an air mattress in an adjoining room so it was a deeply hurtful break.

 

I am JUST NOW beginning to feel better and more confident. I have had a number of intensely mediocre dates from really stupid dating sites and was just getting to the point where I realized I needed to NOT date and be alone, except that for 22 months of celibacy, I've been wanting to get laid....

[gwynieatpain]

Got dumped by my ex-fiance a month ago. Fell off very badly. Don't even want to recall it nor talk to friends much coz it is ridiculous ( my story has been posted twice, felt sick of it already). Called his parent to say goodbye afterward, none of them knew the complete story and thought that it was me cheated so their son broke the engagement (sad isn't it).

 

Went NC since then, I have done the same thing as you guys ... block his work and personal email, msn, gtalk, deleted facebook accounts ... today knew from a friend that he goes holiday for three weeks to vietam with a chick from work who is older than him for 10 years. Cried for 15 mins, then thought it did't worth it coz it is stupid, very stupid.

 

Never thought of calling him. When he broke up with me I have told him I don't do friends with ex. Now knowing that he has a new affair (that soon, wow!), I found my decision is right. thanks god he saved me I haven't married this guy.

 

Will move back to my parent's place, change my cell phone number, go for a trip to early next year to visit my uncle in canada. No rush. Lots of plan ahead next year.

[openbook08]

good for you gwynieatpain

sounds like you had a lucky escape keep tellin yourself that

keepin busy makin lots of plans is the way to go

[ahhhchooo]

The lines of where I broke up with her are blurred since there was never any 'official talk'. More or less Aug 1 was the last time I thought everything was fine. A few days went by and she didn't attempt to contact me or reply to anything or answer her phone. I got really worried and tried to contact her more and more... by the weekend I realised what was happening but wouldn't accept it until mid August. By the time the month was out she was pregnant to someone else!!!

 

She'd left me for this guy at the start of the month and then after she got pregnant he has been more or less ignoring her.. she ran back to me.. slept with her once and was in contact for a while but had to go NC cause it hurt too much feeling the betrayal. Have been in NC since then except I have received a few emails from her that I didn't reply to. Still miss her a lot but there's no way to see this except that it's over.

 

Spent about the first 3 weeks in bed and since have been forcing myself out trying to get more of a social life and be more healthy/active.. changed a lot of things about myself. Stopped playing computer games, started running/gym, stopped smoking, healthy eating, forced myself into other people's company and am doing a lot better...

[MitchRapp]

Well I held on to hope for a long time that things would change and that we could get back together because, after all, she had said that she still cared for me and so on and so forth and saw an "us" in the future. Well skip ahead a couple weeks and even though I have done everything I can to be good and not bring up relationship stuff she goes psycho on me and never wants to talk to me again and things I'm a horrible person (all of this was out of the blue one night)...come to find out she was pissed off because her mom had called me (makes me wonder what she was trying to hide) but anyway that is regardless. I went to delete her from my facebook friends only to find out that she had already taken care of that for me lol. This was a couple of days ago, haven't heard from her (or any of her friends/family) since. I know in my heart that I didn't do anything wrong, I was always a gentleman and I never cussed or yelled or got upset, it's not in my nature.

 

But anyway this is supposed to be how I am dealing with it. Well I finally realized that yeah this girl was pretty awesome, but she obviously still has a lot of growing up to do and she doesn't respect me despite everything that I have done for her. Now that I realize this, I am happy with myself and my life. I am doing several things that have been on my to do list that time with her prevented me from doing.

 

1) Finally taking my EMT-Basic course so that I can become a volunteer EMT with the local rescue squad (not a job but more like an hobby and a way to help the community)

 

2) I'm a college student and joining a fraternity has always been an interest of mine, I've talked with some folks and I think that I've finally found a good fit so I'm going to rush SAE in the spring

 

3) I got a new job (I got laid off a few months ago so I've got a fresh start and something to really get involved with)

 

4) I've decided that I'm going to run in a local marathon that my city has every April so I've started training for that.

 

5) I took a shoe box and put all of her pictures and stuff in there. Then I wrote down her number and put that in the box and shut it and put it in the closet. I deleted her number from my phone and all that jazz. If for some reason I ever need it, it's there, but the temptation is not in my phone any longer.

[Gere51]

Here's my history:

 

May 28- she broke it off two hours after telling me how much she loved me. She has a history of panic attacks, and at the urging of a close friend I decided to try and be friends with her, even though I wasn't interested in that. Two days after that she texted a couple of times and told me she missed me. Same thing the next week. No talk of reconciliation.

 

June 9-Reiterated her position on the break-up and that she needed more of a "family man". Found out her mother influenced her.

 

June 14-Asked me to meet her while she was in town. Like an idiot I did so. She flirted with me on several occasions, but I made no advances. For the next three weeks continued to text on occasion, and I would respond, but still no talk of getting back together. Instead, it was all about her life.

 

July 9-Last time we spoke. She called and wanted me to meet her while she was in town. Started telling me how great her life was and about guys she had met. I went out of town and she texted me the next week to see if I got back ok. I responded on 16 July, and that was the last time I ever responded to anything. Got really sick of hearing how great her life was.

 

July 28-Called and left me a voicemail that went like this "hello stranger, haven't heard from you in a while, how is everything.....call me back, etc.". I never responded.

 

August 1-texted me and said the same via text as her voicemail. I did not respond.

 

August 3-texted and asked if I were still alive.

 

August 4-sent a text saying, "have been trying to get in contact with you, now I'm worried about you. If you're not comfortable with our friendship, then just say so....but let me know you're alive and well; just a simple text, otherwise I'm going to worry then I'm driving to my lost friend's house". I did not respond, and it felt GREAT!

 

No more contact since then as she's apparently gotten the message. For anyone going through this let me tell you that NC will help you more than anything. I'm now into my fourth month of NC, and I do not ever intend to speak to this person again in any way, shape, form or fashion. She's one of those that was a former Bud Light Model and is used to having guys fall at her feet, so I don't think she's used to this sort of treatment. Anyway, that's my story. Good luck to everyone.

[Gypsy_Heart]

She dumped me personally on Oct 5, sent me a mail the next day telling me that no one made her feel the way I did, how much I meant to her but that she couldn't go on that way, and that she still considers my only love letter to her as the best gift she was ever given. That's the last I've heard of her. I was totally heartbroken at that moment

 

As for me, instead of locking myself up, I took this as the biggest motivation I've ever had to change my life positively. It only took me 3 days of crying in my room and from then on I started going to gym, taking guitar clases, getting a new haircut (now I have everyone complimenting me on that), buying new clothes, and even reading some interesting self-help books on socializing, which have been really helpful.

 

Yeah, I still miss her and it still hurts from time to time. But I grown up more in this month than in the previous 5 years. Now I'm kind of thankful that she left me, though I can't help having this desire deep inside of seeing her come back to see how I changed. Yeah, that's not good, but have in mind that she dumped me only one month ago. Good luck for the rest of you!

[MRevolver]

I'm kinda like CarrieT in the fact that I wasn't able to go completely NC after the ex cowardly dumped me over email back in July.

 

After 2 seemingly great months together, he gave me the ol' "let's just be friends right now" crap which in turn wound up being code for "I want to date 1 of our other friends instead." Since we shared the same circle of friends and I wasn't willing to give them up nor was he, I decided to go LC.

 

For the first few weeks following our split our interactions were fairly rude. Mostly on his part but I'm assuming this was moreso out of guilt than anything. And eventually this led to me outright ignoring him. But once again, with mutual friends even this became awkward.

Finally (back in September) we wound up being forced into a conversation...and it was actually good. This leewayed into more normal conversations and even sharing a laugh or two. However, now that he and the girl he dumped me for have become more serious, this has stirred up a lot of unresolved feelings on my end and I'm just dreading the day that they announce yes it's love, all while I have to sit there and pretend I'm fine with it.

 

So how am I currently dealing with this?

 

Well I found a breakup buddy for one and vented until I was blue (yellow and purple) in the face. Plus I also started exercising, not to mention upped my personal style. I figure if I'm gonna have to see the 2 lovebirds together, I may as well look mighty good when I do !

I've also decided to stop being so chatty with him. I give a friendly 'hi', maybe a 'hey how are you' and keep moving! I don't wanna hear how great he's doing while I'm yet piecing my heart back together. Besides... no use in wasting good sentences on someone who's still not completely worthy of them anyways!