NatPaq Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I met this guy off the internet and we were seeing eachother only for a couple of weeks, but everything clicked! We have so much in common he told me that I'm the only person he's met who really understands him. Things were going great...then I did the most immature and unfounded thing. I created a fake profile to basically set him up and see if he would go out with other people. I know I know...dumb right? I should have just come out and asked him if he wanted to get serious or if he was still wanthing to see other people but I didn't want to be "that" girl. Of course what I did wan't any better. Anyway, he knew from the beginning it was me and was playing along to see how far he could take it. I was caught and fessed up. At first he was understanding and said he felt it showed how much I like him and that he realizes that I've been hurt before so he could kind of see why I would do it. See..this guy is amazing. Anyway, the whole next day I was feeling horrible and humiliated. It's not like me to act this way and I could tell something wasn't right. I was right, that night he called me to tell me it really did bother him and that he didn't feel right. I apologized again but told him I understood. I would be angry with me (which I still am). So I didn't put up much of a fight, just agreed and we said our goodbyes. The thing is..I can't stop thinking about him. He's such an amazing person. I know what I did was wrong, and I am so sorry for hurting him. My question is, should I contact him to see if we can chat? It's only been 5 days. I really just want him to know how sorry I am that I hurt him and if nothing else I'd like to keep hanging out with him. What should I do? Thanks.
norajane Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I think you have to chalk this up as a lesson learned and move on. He has no reason to trust you anymore. He hasn't known you very long, so he has no reason to believe that this isn't your normal behavior. That you ARE 'that girl' in his mind, based on the facts he knows for sure - the kind to stay away from because she uses tricks and deception instead of honesty and integrity. This may have been an aberration, but you still did it, you still made that choice, and you kept it up. You can keep apologizing and trying to get him to change his mind, but even if he did, he'd still always have it in the back of his mind how things started. He's always know you were 'that girl'. Best to start fresh with someone else and let this go. It really is much better to be honest and tell someone you are dating in the hopes of meeting someone to fall in love with and have a relationship, not casual. Then, the guys who just want to date around will disappear and the guys who are also into that will stay. Your odds are much better of getting what you want that way, even if it means some of the fish jump back into the sea sooner (rather than later, after you reveal your true desires).
Ronni_W Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Nat, I think you chalk it up to experience, learn the lesson, and move on. I get that you're feeling guilty for what you did, and for what you put him through. But. You've already done enough. To contact him in efforts to appease your own guilty feelings (to re-express your remorse) is just not a cool thing to do to an amazing person. You blew it, sure. But it is also okay to forgive yourself for that...and promise yourself to only be totally open and honest in your future relationships. Hugs. EDIT: I *swear* I didn't copy from your post, NJ <lol> -- just took me a while to hit the 'post' button.
ninjaturtles Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Hey! Don't beat yourself over it anymore.Yes, what you did was wrong and it's done now; that doesn't make you a monster. I am sure you have learnt lessons from your mistake. On a more positive note, I have done exactly the same you did...in the past. I was much younger though, during my freshman year. I actually fessed up, he wasnt really sure it was me....but I fessed up anyway. I apologised etc, and moved on from it. We did NOT break up over that issue. I played the trick because I had been badly hury in the past. I had trust issues and wanted to find out what kind of guy he was. We were officially in a relationship, but I still had my insecurities and fears as he was not great with communication. Although he was very very nice to me. We broke much later, due to other reasons. However, I saw the dark side to him. He treated me very very coldly! It was really bad. So please don't get too carried away with guys who seem/act really nice to you at the start of relationships. Only time is able to tell, whether or not they are genuinely nice/kind people. Sometimes we do certain things....silly things. However, if the tricked person involved is one who really really loves us, he/she may not necessarily leave solely because of the trick. Maybe he just wasn't the one for you, who would stick through thick and thin...no matter what. Alternatively, maybe he was genuinely freaked out by the whole trick after giving it much thought. I would advice you not to contact him anymore. As long as you have apologised and he knows how sorry you are, then leave it as that. I am sorry you are hurting, however that's the way life is. We make mistakes and depending on the people involved, those mistakes may be overlooked or they may lead to a break in a relationship. Don't beat yourself over it anymore. We have all done silly things in the past. I learnt from my mistakes...so will you. Keep posting. How are you feeling?
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