loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 what do you do/think/cope? do you just trust them?
Trialbyfire Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 More importantly, what type of person do you want as a partner? Once you've reached that conclusion, you'll find a partner to suit your requirements.
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Hi Trail! always there when i have a problem. thanks! lets see, i dont want a gf who likes to go clubbing when they are in a relationship. I like to have time to spend with her. Going out once in awhile is okay like a girls night out/friend's bday/ or some kind of special occasion. She usually texts me about how she is doing/feeling on her own when she's out but last night was different. She didn't do that. so kinda makes me wonder a lil.
Trialbyfire Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Have you asked her why she needs to go clubbing on a regular basis?
norajane Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 lets see, i dont want a gf who likes to go clubbing when they are in a relationship. Then you are incompatible. Just like a woman who doesn't want a bf who watches porn, or who plays on co-ed sports teams, or who keeps in touch with his exes. If you can't trust and it makes you unhappy and uncomfortable, then you don't belong with her. You'd likely be much happier with someone who is more of a homebody and prefers movies on the couch than dancing in a club with her friends.
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Have you asked her why she needs to go clubbing on a regular basis? She goes because her girl friends ask her. She is the type who is really for her girl friends. She also likes to dance.
Trialbyfire Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 She's not taking responsibility for her own actions. No one just goes to support friends, on a regular basis. She enjoys it. The question is why.
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Then you are incompatible. Just like a woman who doesn't want a bf who watches porn, or who plays on co-ed sports teams, or who keeps in touch with his exes. If you can't trust and it makes you unhappy and uncomfortable, then you don't belong with her. You'd likely be much happier with someone who is more of a homebody and prefers movies on the couch than dancing in a club with her friends. Yeah i do prefer a homebody. I used to go clubbing a lot. Hang out with different girls every weekend, but those days are gone. I prefer a more settled lifestyle like how i used to be when i was in a relationship. I used to go out a lot because i was single and heart-broken; trying to see the world in a different perspective. Yeah still figuring out if this is the right fit for me. Most of the girls i know are of that kind... party girls... how do i find a homebody? hmm...
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 She's not taking responsibility for her own actions. No one just goes to support friends, on a regular basis. She enjoys it. The question is why. good point. She told me she used be to locked down by her exbf... she was even able to talk to guys... she just finished college... didn't party at all or go out the whole last year... she likes to drink... unless... she likes guys attention...
norajane Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Do you ever go out with her? How does she behave in clubs? Is she hanging out with her friends, or does she spend her time flirting with guys? Are you just spinning a jealousy issue in your head, or do you have any real reason to believe she's out to meet guys behind your back?
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Do you ever go out with her? How does she behave in clubs? Is she hanging out with her friends, or does she spend her time flirting with guys? Are you just spinning a jealousy issue in your head, or do you have any real reason to believe she's out to meet guys behind your back? I do go out with her sometimes. she would hang out with her girl friends 50% of the time and spends the other 50% with me. There was also this one incident that she was dancing with other guys, they were her friends. I didn't mind much because they were her friends...but i told her that i didn't appreciate her dancing with guys in general. She respects it and told one of her guy friends to back off at another time when we were out... I don't want to accuse her... jealousy... maybe a wee bit
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 thanks for the replies. feels good to have someone to talk to. =)
You'reasian Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 good point. She told me she used be to locked down by her exbf... she was even able to talk to guys... she just finished college... didn't party at all or go out the whole last year... she likes to drink... unless... she likes guys attention... Looks like you answered your own question. Listen to what a woman tells you, but pay closer attention to what a woman does - if the two don't jive, they'll tell you your not listening! There's nothing wrong with the two not being in sync, so long as your not looking for anything serious. She may not be interested in dating but might appreciate attention from males - which means she's not interested in dating....you.
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Looks like you answered your own question. Listen to what a woman tells you, but pay closer attention to what a woman does - if the two don't jive, they'll tell you your not listening! There's nothing wrong with the two not being in sync, so long as your not looking for anything serious. She may not be interested in dating but might appreciate attention from males - which means she's not interested in dating....you. we get along great and we are dating. She comes over to my house every week and we spend hours a night chit chatting, this has been going on for 7.5 months. we just came back from a short getaway to the beaches a few days ago and stayed at a four star hotel. lets not assume so easily.
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 anyone have their opinions or their story of their bf/gf when they go out in this kind of situations? how do you feel about it?
norajane Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I can speak as the girl in that situation. I dated a guy for 6 years, whom I met through friends in college. He was more of an introvert than I - didn't like clubs, didn't like drinking, didn't really want to socialize that much. I loved him because he was my romantic poet, charming in his own way despite us not sharing the same views. I went out often during college and post college. I mostly went to hang with my friends and to dance, loved, loved, loved dancing, and doing it with friends was FUN. I didn't really like to drink (bleh on the taste of alcohol), although sometimes would drink because it's fun to be tipsy. I did not stop going out just because he didn't want to. I always invited him to come with me and my friends OR with me and HIS friends, and I went anyway even if he didn't go. I didn't go to flirt with other men, or to meet other men, or because I wasn't into my bf. I was into him, I did love him, I moved in with him, agreed to marry him. Our relationship fell apart, but it had nothing to do with clubbing. We disagreed on other matters, like money, and our view on life (optimist vs. pessimist). I couldn't live with a depressed, penny-pinching pessimist...so much for the romantic poet! He was depressed about life in general, and didn't really like people. As I got older, going out dancing became less of an option and less of an interest as life crowded in. Had we stayed together, we'd probably be of a similar view on clubbing these days, although would still disagree significantly on socializing and everything else.
kashmir Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Almost every girl where I am goes out to parties to dance and such. I like to drink and party, but basement parties filled wall-to-wall with sweaty people grinding to crappy pop hip-hop music is not my cup of tea at all. As Bill Hicks once said, about every 6 months or so I go out to one of those parties in order to realize how much I don't like them. I love parties where there's live music, whether it's me playing or another band, and it's people just hanging around...even better when you know those people. I would like to dance too...but the current grinding style is NOT my thing at all. I don't even consider it dancing. It's all I ever see at dance parties though. If I had a girlfriend who liked to go out clubbing, I wouldn't be too worried. Why? Because from experience, a lot of girls out with girlfriends are not there to meet guys. Heck, they're even a bit rude about it. Sometimes I'd try to talk to a girl and she'd give me a snippy, "Um, I'm not here for that. I have a boyfriend...get lost" It's kind of funny that they go to a scene that's full of erotic behavior just to have fun with their girlfriends. I'd be more worried about a drunk and horny guy forcing himself on her. At clubs and dance parties, for every group of girls on a girls' night out, there's a group of lonely and sex-craving guys willing to do anything to hookup.
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 I can speak as the girl in that situation. I dated a guy for 6 years, whom I met through friends in college. He was more of an introvert than I - didn't like clubs, didn't like drinking, didn't really want to socialize that much. I loved him because he was my romantic poet, charming in his own way despite us not sharing the same views. I went out often during college and post college. I mostly went to hang with my friends and to dance, loved, loved, loved dancing, and doing it with friends was FUN. I didn't really like to drink (bleh on the taste of alcohol), although sometimes would drink because it's fun to be tipsy. I did not stop going out just because he didn't want to. I always invited him to come with me and my friends OR with me and HIS friends, and I went anyway even if he didn't go. I didn't go to flirt with other men, or to meet other men, or because I wasn't into my bf. I was into him, I did love him, I moved in with him, agreed to marry him. Our relationship fell apart, but it had nothing to do with clubbing. We disagreed on other matters, like money, and our view on life (optimist vs. pessimist). I couldn't live with a depressed, penny-pinching pessimist...so much for the romantic poet! He was depressed about life in general, and didn't really like people. As I got older, going out dancing became less of an option and less of an interest as life crowded in. Had we stayed together, we'd probably be of a similar view on clubbing these days, although would still disagree significantly on socializing and everything else. Thanks for sharing nora, very insightful. I do know girls who just go there to hang out. So am i(from a males perspective). Eventhough im not with the girl im dating, im not out there to meet anyone; I have friends to hang out with. but i prefer being there with her. Its more fun to me. hehe Gees thinking of the times of you were spending with another person, 6 years seems quiet a long time... I've never been with someone for that long... wish i get to experience and meet someone compatible with me. how is the current guy you are dating? or are you married? Almost every girl where I am goes out to parties to dance and such. I like to drink and party, but basement parties filled wall-to-wall with sweaty people grinding to crappy pop hip-hop music is not my cup of tea at all. As Bill Hicks once said, about every 6 months or so I go out to one of those parties in order to realize how much I don't like them. I love parties where there's live music, whether it's me playing or another band, and it's people just hanging around...even better when you know those people. I would like to dance too...but the current grinding style is NOT my thing at all. I don't even consider it dancing. It's all I ever see at dance parties though. If I had a girlfriend who liked to go out clubbing, I wouldn't be too worried. Why? Because from experience, a lot of girls out with girlfriends are not there to meet guys. Heck, they're even a bit rude about it. Sometimes I'd try to talk to a girl and she'd give me a snippy, "Um, I'm not here for that. I have a boyfriend...get lost" It's kind of funny that they go to a scene that's full of erotic behavior just to have fun with their girlfriends. I'd be more worried about a drunk and horny guy forcing himself on her. At clubs and dance parties, for every group of girls on a girls' night out, there's a group of lonely and sex-craving guys willing to do anything to hookup. I agree kash, some of those girls just don't want to get to know you. Yeah, lots of aggressive guys out there. hope mine keeps her defenses and stays with me... starting to love this girl.
lovestruck818 Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 what do you do/think/cope? do you just trust them? I want nothing to do with someone who is my age (or older) and still clubbing (I'm 26)...grow up already.
Author loveinlife Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 I want nothing to do with someone who is my age (or older) and still clubbing (I'm 26)...grow up already. I understand loves. I am 27, she is 24. Im tired of it. she isn't. she came from a exbf who didn't let her do anything. I guess she is now trying to go out more often... you seem pretty settled.
lovestruck818 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I understand loves. I am 27, she is 24. Im tired of it. she isn't. she came from a exbf who didn't let her do anything. I guess she is now trying to go out more often... you seem pretty settled. 24 isn't so old to still be doing it. I'm 26. I had my clubbing phase when I was 21-22. I'm over it...and partying in general really.
Author loveinlife Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 24 isn't so old to still be doing it. I'm 26. I had my clubbing phase when I was 21-22. I'm over it...and partying in general really. I hear yah. I am too. =)
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