mantas Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Hello. IDK where to start with this, honestly. I'm just going to go ahead and throw it all out there, just in case there's some angle I haven't looked at yet. I have been in the ABSOLUTE MOST WONDERFUL relationship of my life for the past three years with an amazing girl. It was magical; a true "fairy tale relationship"... she opened me up to feelings I never knew two people could have for one another. We met on a dating site and started off as an LDR, she was 16, almost 17 and I was 20. She lived a few states away, so she was always within a drivable distance. We started off absolutely infatuated with each other and this was for both of us, our first REAL relationship. I visited her for the first time 3 months into it, and damn was I nervous. We hit it off VERY well, however. We were true Soulmates, in the greatest sense of the word: we could do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING together and it was just perfect, being with her. We were so infatuated with one another, plans were already in the works for me moving there and getting my own place to wait for her to graduate. There were even talks of future marriage, and it has been our dream for the last three years to be with each other for the rest of our lives and grow old together... <3 Although she was still young, so was I. We had an EXTREME amount of chemistry and it felt so right. We could spend all day together doing whatever and it worked perfectly, no fights EVER. It took me a while to move there since I had very little money. Meanwhile, she was starting to flunk high school. I told her it was very, very important she focused on high school and not get distracted just because of me. She has CLINICAL DEPRESSION and OCD and has been suicidal in the past, but Luvox was working well for her. Three months later, I moved there and hoped to split an apartment with one of her friends... That didn't go so well; they were all still too young to be able to live on their own. I ended up staying with her parents for a week or two, then living in my car out of desperation. She was fine with this, but definitely worried. I had a F/T job and I was making money, and planned to save up for a down payment on an apartment. The pay wasn't that good, and we saw each other A LOT, at least once a day. About 2-3 months later, I had car trouble which cost A LOT of money to repair, and I got fired the next day for not showing up. It was traumatizing, and I couldn't afford to live in my car anymore; I had to move back. She was so hurt by it, but I promised I'd move back as soon as I saved up some money. She eventually flunked high school, due to her procrastination and general social anxiety. I had tried my hardest to help her with it, but she was just having too many problems with social anxiety and depression to be able to succeed. Back home, I tried my hardest to save money so I can be with my Soulmate once and for all. There were SO MANY PROBLEMS: random tickets, money I owed for college loans, lots of other things which prevented my move, but we maintained contact VERY, VERY often and were still just as close as we always were, not in distance, but in <3. I visited her AT LEAST one - two weeks every two - three months. We maintained our passion and closeness. She even visited me twice and met my family. both our families liked the other, except her parents were never really too fond of me and didn't think she was ready for such a close relationship :/ We ignored them. In the middle of this period, I devastated her. She was always very controlling with whom I could hang out with.. no alcoholics, no one she hates, no other girls, etc. She had had some moderately close guy friends in the past that had DEFINITELY HURT ME. But, I trusted her. I met another girl online, we had a lot in common, and she made me very happy, but only in a way a FRIEND can. She was a completely platonic friend, always SECOND to my love, I WOULD NEVER, EVER LEAVE MY LOVE for this girl and I wasn't attracted to her, and I told my Love this! I did not become friends with her JUST OUT OF SPITE FOR MY LOVE. She messaged me, I liked her as a friend, but I really didn't talk to this friend that often, especially compared to how often I talked to my Love. My Love HATED the fact I talked to her, constantly complained and was very pervasive about it. I wouldn't budge; she was being selfish, I did promise her I'd never leave her after all. I eventually visited her on the way back from my Love's house, since she miraculously lived RIGHT OFF the highway, right on the way back to my house. WE -DID NOT- get involved romantically or otherwise, we just hung out and shared a few hobbies. Video games, music, stuff like that. I was exhausted from the drive and she let me recover at her house. The next morning, my Love informed me of the horrible nightmare she had had about... what actually happened... I told her, she had a panic attackm and I felt ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE. I was so afraid she was gonna go nuts and kill herself, she even talked about it on the phone... I HAD TO LIE AND SAY MY CAR BROKE DOWN RIGHT NEAR HER HOUSE! IT WAS THE ONLY WAY! I didn't want her to kill herself! ...Trusting as she was, she believed me. I saw how much pain and suffering it caused my Love that I was friends with this girl, so I cut off all contact with the girl. I CHOSE MY LOVE OVER HER. A few months later, she almost broke up with me when she told me over the phone I lied about the car thing and I HAD to tell her the truth. She WANTED to break up because it hurt SO bad... I asked for her forgiveness and told her I DIDN'T CHEAT ON HER and it was all a big mistake for us to learn from. My Love eventually got over it and forgave me, but still says to this day it scarred her... It took over two years for me to save up enough money to move there, from the time that I moved back to my place, and wow, were we ever so excited! This was OUR DREAM COME TRUE. FINALLY. ...Just shortly before I left, my father died and I was absolutely DUMBSTRUCK. I supposedly "handled it well", but it killed something in me. I was in SHOCK and quickly forgot about it, only thinking about it on and off. Shortly after, I FINALLY MOVED to her city and got my own place... this was 2 months ago. This is our dream come true.. A month ago, she got her first job (she is now nearly 20) and the training stresses her out a lot. She is constantly nervous and worried about this position and I have been giving her time to study for it and I have driven her back and forth (she is afraid to learn how to drive, just like her mother...) there whenever she needed a ride. My problem: EVER SINCE I MOVED HERE, she has been way more wanting of privacy (unlike the last time I lived here!), not wanting to go out as much, and generally less giving and affectionate, with kissing and sex... The absolute worst thing was she RARELY EVER wanted to come to my apt. with me. She claimed she only felt comfortable at home (she has been a homebody most of her life), and felt uneasy at my place. It hurt me. A lot. I was already a bit weak, since I am still hurting from my father's death. I felt like she didn't like me as much anymore.. That wasn't it, she said: she was stressed out about her job, and NEEDED ALONE TIME I WASN'T GIVING HER :x She also said about sex, she is NEVER HORNY anymore, not for me or anyone, because of a side effect of her Luvox. This has been the case, on and off, in the past and I know she is not lying to me. I was a prick. I am one. I took it upon myself to complain about these things ON AND ON, without even knowing the harm I was doing to her, and to us. I thought if I pushed her hard enough and tried talking to her into it, I could get her to go out and broaden her horizons with me, or have sex more often, or visit me more often. We started getting into arguments and "fights" very often about these issues. I honestly didn't see it as that bad a mark on us, I thought we just had to work through these issues. I also haven't worked in two months, and my self-esteem is even lower because of that and I need her even more. Well... Here it is: One day, she couldn't take anymore and told me she couldn't see us getting married or ever living together. And that we may not last as a couple. I was devastated. I had a fit. I THOUGHT WE WERE SOULMATES?! She threw the "I need space" card at me and wow, are you dumping me? She says no, she just needs time to think. She still loves me, but she is confused. She told me we need to have a break for at least few days. I have been overly needy and smothering her. Also, some guy messaged her on a website and she began cultivating a friendship with him RIGHT BEFORE THIS HAPPENED. She claims she's actually attracted to him (she has NEVER said this about another guy before...) I FEARED FOR THE WORST, I told her she can't dump me for him: ALL COUPLES HAVE THEIR UPS AND DOWNS, and I was blind and stupid for not seeing how much I was annoying and angering her in the past. BUT I WASN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS. THIS ISN'T HOW I'M GONNA BE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I see the error of my ways... The unhappiness and tension only really occurred for the last three weeks. She needed caring and understanding, and I just thought of myself and "my needs." Hah! what nonsense. My needs MEAN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING compared to my duty as her Soulmate to always keep her happy. I told her all this. She "has feelings" for him now (as a close friend... maybe more? She isn't sure) but claims she would NEVER dump me just for someone else and that she's NOT GOING TO DUMP ME DURING OR RIGHT AFTER THE BREAK, she just needs time to think.. We have had SO MUCH, we have been through so much, we had a DREAM to spend the rest of our lives together. HOW CAN SHE THROW IT ALL AWAY JUST BECAUSE OF A FEW WEEKS OF ME BEING SELFISH AND NOT FORESEEING HER NEEDS? I see that this other guy is quickly becoming attached to her from looking at his profile. He seems to be falling for her, and I want to stop this before it's too late. Any help would be VERY, VERY APPRECIATED. I could never repay you.
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