reelbigfish Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 So below is a drunken email I sent last night. I meant every word of it however I probably should not have sent it. I was hoping to get a couple of opinions on how stupid and desperate I look now! Thanks. "So this is it. Sue me - call me the biggest girl you have ever known - make fun of me - be mad at me - I don't care. I know you're in a relationship but seeing you throw it up there on facebook really hurt me a lot. I have been really nice up until this point and maybe that's why I still feel the way I do but I'm getting this off my chest and maybe this will give me some sort of closure. I do still care a great deal for you. I still say a prayer for you every single morning and night - and it sucks. I am really mad about how we ended. You did it over the phone - you didn't even let me talk to you when you came home the next weekend - and you obviously were looking while we were dating (at least in the end). An idiot could figure out that you gave your number to him while we were still dating and that you kept going up to Yanni's to see him instead of spending time with me on Friday and Saturday night. I have heard about some ****ty break ups in the past but the way it happened between us really took the cake. A friend of mine whom I told the story of what happened to actually slapped me and told me I was stupid for still acknowledging you. I honestly do not think I will ever be able to give my heart out again. You know what sucks? Loving someone who doesn't even care for you one single bit. It seems when I talk to you that it is more of a hassle for you to have to deal with me. You don't want to talk to me - you just feel like you have to. Problem solved. I should not have emailed you this past weekend. I was doing very well after your birthday and then you emailed me. Please do not email me again. Please do not contact me again. I want to hear from you under three circumstances: You are in dire need of help and you have no one else you can truely trust, something has happened to someone in your family, you think you made a mistake and you are interested in trying again - slowly. I miss your family almost as much as I miss you. I have removed you as a friend on facebook and deleted your number from my phone to prevent anything stupid on my end from happening again. You were my best friend and then you dropped off the face of the earth. It stinks losing your girlfriend but it hurts even worse to lose the person you trusted most. You did teach me a lot about relationships and for that I am thankful. I now know not to wear my heart on my sleeve and give it all to someone as they will just rip it right off and stomp on it. I don't play games but apparently I should. I am going to graduate school right now but I'm doing a full time program for one main reason. It's because every where I go right now what do I see? You. I go uptown what do I see? Fond memories of you and I and some lady telling me I'm a commodity. I go to Hickory what do I see? You and I and the stupidest movie of all time - Stardust. I look at CNN and what do I see? Some stupid news story that just mentions the state of Virginia and it makes me sick to my stomach. I can't stomach the state of Virginia and it's more than likely why I will not go to William and Mary. I unfortunately hear the state's name "Virginia" and it makes me nautious. This email will surely upset you and I can not help it. I have been carrying this burden long enough and it's time that I got rid of it. All I wanted to do when we broke up was sit down and talk to you and you denied me that right. I lived through the absolute greatest 10 months and 4 days of my life only to follow it up with the worst 2-3 months of my life. If you ever want to talk about "us" - please let me know. Until then? Don't bother. Kyle"
Lady Bird Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Well, no sugar coating, it's bad. If I had received such a letter, it would be a looooong time before we ever spoke (perhaps hell freezing over), if I saw you out in public I would cross the street. It screams poor me.
Author reelbigfish Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Hah well not much I can do now I don't believe. The worst thing to do now would be to contact her again. Hopefully it will help me move on.
You'reasian Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 What a sad letter. Sorry to hear about this, my friend. Its normal to grieve but shouldn't there be a point where you let go and move on with your life?
FF84 Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 That's bad, if it genuinely made you feel better then good for you. I suspect though that this will make it harder to move on for you - i did something similar and wish i hadn't. Self pity isnt attractive. Nevermind, everyone acts on impulse at times. Hope you found some closure though.
alwayssme Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 don't beat yourself up over it. you sent it, its done. you were just telling her how you feel. she can take it however she wants. BUT DO NOT write to her anymore after that. THEN you will really look desperate. When me and my ex broke up, i told him everything i was feeling and how much he was hurting me. I don't regret it. It's not something weird out of this planet to feel like that. We were together for 2 years and when he left, it's normal i was sad and miserable. However the last time I told him how I felt, and how much all this hurt me (i was crying to him), we talked then i realized that this is OVER for good and i just left him alone ever since. At least now I know I tried and he failed me, I didn't fail myself. I know the situation is not up to me, so therefore as much as it hurts to lose the one you love, who was also your best friend, it's a part of life. Don't beat yourself up over the email. No, you shouldn't have sent it becaue it will only give her ego a boost, but don't even worry about what she feels or what is done. DO NOT CONTACT HER AFTER THE EMAIL!!! look at it as if it was closure and you just got everything off your chest...and move on!!
lonelyandfrustrated Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Do you have gmail? If you do, they have a widget that will prevent you from sending emails on Friday and Saturday nights unless you can solve several math problems first. lol. Might be helpful on future Fri nights, not so much for last night.
Author reelbigfish Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Haha I read about that. I am unfortunately too good at the math problems they put up. It needs to be reading comprehension.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Do you have gmail? If you do, they have a widget that will prevent you from sending emails on Friday and Saturday nights unless you can solve several math problems first. lol. Might be helpful on future Fri nights, not so much for last night. That is the most amazing thing EVER! Too cool! Reelbig, thanks for posting your e-mail up. A lot of it is stuff I'm feeling too, and have definately wanted to say to my ex as some like... desperate attempt to get him to understand me. Its in the past now, and if you said what you needed to say, then good! I don't think I'll end up sending my e-mail, because I've harassed my ex enough. He was a bad boyfriend, but hes a decent guy. The last week I IM'ed him a TON, not always being fair to him, I should respect his space as well as my own, but he let me do it anyways. This post kinda showed me I just need to let go, stop trying to get him to see how I'm hurt, and just move on.
Jenny123 Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I understand wot ur goin through- i wrote the sms's, email's. I didn't harass him, just sent him a few- the way he reacted u'd think I was the most repulsive pscyho to him- that he actually had 2 deal with me. After 5 wks of breaking up with me. Anyway's I have said all that need's to be said- people told me not 2 contact him etc, move on, have pride etc. I couldn't but I think saying all that has 2 be said is the start of closing the chapter, closure. It's how I deal with things.. What's for you, won't go past you:) good luck:)
Peter_pan Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 nah i say good for you. i resisted at all costs sending her one that showed i was angry/upset. yes i did write ones trying to get her back but that was before i knew she had been dating him. at least in the future you wont wish you had sent her stuff telling her how you feel. or maybe you'll think i wonder if i didnt send that she may be in contact with me now... its the catch 22 and i didnt send anything stupid or emotional and yeah i havnt heard from her so that annoys me but...
AnonyMOUSE18 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I have done this so many times - it's a really horrible thing to do because it makes YOU feel embarrassed and bad the next day. Do it for yourself - put her out of your head. You will be so proud of yourself for moving on! There will be those triggers that remind you of her, but you have to resist them. Distract yourself. Go out and do things with friends and meet new people. It's tough, but you have to do it for YOU! Best of luck. I'm doing these same things, myself, and I know how hard it is. Keep your chin up, and push forward!!! Hugs, Hilarie
Author reelbigfish Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Thanks for the support guys! I wasn't entirely drunk when I wrote it (only one misspelled word) but I actually am glad I sent it. It really does feel like a burden has been lifted because I have been so mad about how she did me wrong but I haven't vocalized that to her. It may have been the mean thing to do and if it's the last time I ever speak to her again I would kind of feel bad because I'm not a mean person. Up until this point I have been extremely nice about the whole thing and she knows and has admitted that I am one of the nicest people she has ever met. This was out of character but something that needed to be done. Thanks again all!
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