mmmm Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Our whole relationship was never completely right--we just werent a good fit, but it lasted for almost two years. It just felt comfortable to know that someone loved me steadily. Anyway, we ended it a few months ago and every time I date someone new, Im so disappointed. I want someone to love me intensely right away or not at all. I feel like a lazy lover. Im too lazy to go through the work of starting up a new and meaningful relationship with someone who might actually get me. I contacted my ex last month and I have been thinking about him everyday since that conversation. Im afraid that my reluctance to get close with someone new will keep me hooked on my ex forever.
newagain Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I know how it feels to discover the desire for companionship when you never thought you were like that. Take your time with dating. You're not lazy, you're just lonely. Don't assume the connection, see if you can build it. Ask questions, find commonalities. And realize that you are still grieving the loss of your ex. You miss the company, and want that feeling of security (and the feeling of independence that comes with knowing you have security). Now you are insecure. Now you are independent, but without someone to rely on. My guess is your ex has someone new already and you are assuming you should also. (that's my experience). Realize that the people you are dating (and wanting to 'lazily' immediately connect with) are subjects you are projecting your old feelings for your ex onto. If you want a real connection with someone, let yourself mourn your old relationship. Get to the anger phase, so your ex won't seem so appealing, and so you can experience real feelings for new people. I know it's hard. I'm in the same boat. I hope some of this helps.
Chinook Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Your post, suggests to me, you're not ready to date yet. Take a break. Take care of yourself. When you feel energised and ready to approach the unknown, you'll be ready.
carhill Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 OP, when you're alone and not lonely anymore and thoughts of your ex do not enter your head when you first wake up in the morning, then accept the kind invitation of a gentleman for a date. The content of the OP indicates to me that some personal growth is in order. No rush
Lucky555 Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 i find making out with a new man helps seriously, its casual, fun, and enjoyable. Hey he wants to you want to it helps! I'm not saying sleep with him but the last time i did this i felt invigorated. I need this now to move on haha i just have to get out there. its a plus if hes cute!
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