lostgirl_2981 Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I am new here and I guess the first post I put out was not detailed enough or something...Or maybe just didnt seem fitting to be answered. So I will try this again to possibly not feel like I am all alone. I have been reading alot on here and I am very impressed with some of the things I have seen. So I am on day 2 of NC after a 4 year relationship that I put to a close. I have that feeling one gets when you have a stomach ache but it is further upwards towards the chest and throut, ugh... And you know what really sucks! I didnt want this, I didnt want to have to be the big person and break it off! What is that...! Why did he always have to be nice, cant hurt my feelings, wont actually make a decision or anything that . WTFO? Why is it that he is so caught up in feeling guilty this and that and never wants to hurt me but could never actually really commit??? Why do people do that! I gave this person that I wanted to spend life with 4 YEARS! He watched my son grow, I helped him with anything I could, he would play the role. of course until it was actually stated that way. He was one of those show types and not say much, instead of say tons and do nothing. After 3 1/2 years and the possiblity of losing my job, I got a better one 5 hours away. There were talks of him moving with me, and get this...he tells his ex wife and low and behold, she pulls the, "well I was going to move where you are so you can see your kid more!" WTFFO! Leverage much! I am talking about someone who lives 12 hours away and makes my XBF do ALL the work on having any relationship with his child. So when he asks her about moving to where I am she says no because she didnt want problems...that he couldnt come over whenever he wanted Blah, blah, blah... This woman left him for her CH (who she is now leaving) to go BACK to the town where my now XBF is...So hmmm...lets see, live in the same town with my kid, or be with this girl??? To me that was not a difficult decision since that is all he has really ever talked about wanting anyways. So he got everything he wanted and I got my heart handed to me. At this point I knew there was no way he would be moving on with me, so why does this have to suck so bad! Was that the right decision? Should I have let him decide? Should I have waited around for the off chance that I would possibly get to have the person I wanted to spend my life with ACTUALLY do that??? ugg...I am just a wreak right now... I let him know how things were going to be...I didnt want to talk, no emails, no communication, nothing any more and work on NC. I have not recieved anything from him, and I have not done any contacting either. (I did want to though when I saw that post about remorse vs guilt...oh man I could have used that a month ago! ) To me the "friends" thing was just a bandaid fix. I removed him completely from EVERYTHING! all pix, phone numbers, contacts, IM, MS, you name it. But from some things I have read...well most...they will call or contaact you in some way, what to do then??? Gosh and isnt it the truth it happens right when you are all better...I really dont want to talk to him or have anything to do with him, and being miles away is quite helpful. But I still feel crappy... I am really not sure if I am waiting for that call or email or whatever, or if I am in that fantasy bubble...So...any suggestions/comments/slap in the face...anything would be great... thanks all
broken_promises Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Sorry you are going through this. I'm in a similar situation although I'm in the deciding phase of whether to breakup or wait it out. There is something remarkably painful about having the person who loves you and who you love not fully commit to you. I don't know why that is and it is something that I am continually doubting. It is particularly painful when one person needs to move for work or school, and the other person won't follow when they CAN. It just calls into question the entire path of the relationship and, for me, makes me feel like I don't matter at all or that his dragging his feet/making excuses indicates how he really feels about you. Ugh. It would be easier if there wasn't love there. But when the only problems really surface around moving/life/commitment stuff, it can become really confusing. It would be easier, I think, if we were fighting all the time and hated each other. It's awful and, I'm not sure if it helps or not, but I really admire the fact that you were able to make the decision you needed to make. I know that my biggest downfall is waiting too long in relationships that aren't working out because I am still hopeful that they will. At least you had the guts to call it and I hope that you can keep strong.
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