Dmoney28 Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Hello Everyone. I know this has been posted to death. But maybe the dumpers can explain this whole "friendship" concpet after breaking up with someone. After a break up, espeacially one that went years. There is a natrual fear form both sides about cutting off all ties. But its usually the Dumper who has the power...he/she controls reconcialliation...or utter rejection. So with that being said what the HELL is the real, actual no BS reason why the dumper wants to be friends. We all no the "reasons". 1. i cant let go so easily 2. i still love you , but i want to see what else is out there 3. im not ready for commintment, so i want to keep you on the back burner. But i want to know from the Dumpers..or even the people who have been dumped. Is it ever..and i mean ever, to reastablish a relationship that ended on cut and dry terms...that the dumper HONESTLY want to start off slow...and work the build the relationship back? Do any of these "frienship" ever resulted in people getting back or strarting thier relationship anew?
lostgirl_2981 Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 I would love to know the answer to that one! I know I have said that and I am going through the same thing. Been broken up for a month after 4 years and I get the " I love you but I am scared of change" BS and I will always be your friend....I think to me it is either one of the following: 1. A cop out excuse to not have to say I just dont want to be with you so one is not held accountable 2. Because being "friends" keeps you close but not tied to you 3. The easiest way to let someone down without hurting them and you can go through the hurtting times together or something.
Poiter Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Don't do it mate. My girl left me right after she made plans to be with her new man. I tried talking but she just wants to talk about normal thing sand be friends still. So I said "You wanna be friends? Fine, call me if you're ever in serious trouble, take care". And left it at that. After being ditched for someone else that's about as "friendly" as I ever want to be.
alphamale Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 1. i cant let go so easily 2. i still love you , but i want to see what else is out there 3. im not ready for commintment, so i want to keep you on the back burner. the above are usually reasons females give for being "friends". most men who have balls just cut it off cleanly and don't do the "friends" thing...
carhill Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 IME, the "friends" mind-f*ck is from women who like the benefits of the man without the responsibilities of the man. If married, I liken it to the freedom of being single with the benefits of being married. Resist such inferences
Trialbyfire Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Straight up, as someone who's primarily been the one to exit relationships, I would or could never pretend a friendship, when I was interested in more. As someone who doesn't believe in second chances, the only friendships I have with exes, are strictly friendships. Why beat around the bush? Seems like a waste of time for everyone involved.
Gere51 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 When my last girlfriend broke up with me she gave me the "friends" thing also. She even called and texted on occasion after she broke it off for about six weeks. I finally got tired of hearing how great her life was and stopped responding to her calls and texts. Had I not done that she would've continued until I started hearing about other guys. Don't be friends with someone that's broken up with you. If you're not good enough to be a relationship partner then they're not deserving of your "friendship".
CaliGuy Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 They want to be friends for a few simple reasons: 1. You provide an emotional need they want, but they won't fulfill any of YOUR needs in the process. They'll get the other needs met by someone else. This is selfish and self-centered. 2. Being their "pal" relieves their guilt and clears their concious. "Oh great! He's my friend, now I don't have to feel any pain whatsoever!" 3. They may want to keep you on the back burner while they play the field trying to find someone better than you (in their eyes). All the above reasons are purely selfish. There is NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING an ex can provide you as a friend that you can not have with a true, caring friend. (Note: If your ex still wants sex then you've been demoted to booty call aka: FWB. If you're happy with being someone's sex tool, fulfilling their physical needs at the expense of your emotional needs, by all means go ahead. Not me. No thank you!)
Crazy.S Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I don't understand girls either man. They somehow think that being friends is even an option. They broke your heart and somehow you are suppose to accept a demotion to just being friends? If you ask me, she's being selfish by expecting this. She wants YOU without the other stuff couples have. And soon she will be with some other guy since it will take you longer to move on. And you wouldn't want to jump into a rebound relationship, because it won't help. Like Poiter said, just be friendly as you can and cut her off. You don't want to waste more time on her, because if you stay friends with her, you will think there's a chance she might come back. But it doesn't work that way. Trust me
Lonelystar Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Girls aren't the only ones that pull the "friendship" card. My ex told me he had romantic feelings for me, but believes we should be friends. I don't get it at all, and it really bothers the hell out of me. I don't think I could ever be friends with someone I was with 5 + years....there is just to much emotions involved. After we broke up last time, we remained friends and ended up back together, but alas it ended again. I just can't keep going back and forth. Maybe it is possible to be friends, but I am not sure how.
Trialbyfire Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Girls aren't the only ones that pull the "friendship" card. My ex told me he had romantic feelings for me, but believes we should be friends. I don't get it at all, and it really bothers the hell out of me. I don't think I could ever be friends with someone I was with 5 + years....there is just to much emotions involved. After we broke up last time, we remained friends and ended up back together, but alas it ended again. I just can't keep going back and forth. Maybe it is possible to be friends, but I am not sure how. In order to be friends, you have to have moved on completely. It's also only possible if you've retained some respect or at minimum, liking, for the person. This means understanding and accepting incompatibility, but retaining the element of friendship, which for some couples, never existed. The more superficial the relationship, the less likelihood of friendship since the underpinnings of like and respect were never there in the first place.
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