Blondie0315 Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Hi all!! This my first post here! Yay!!! Thanks for reading my first post! I am going to try to not make this long, but it may get a little lengthy..here I go. I 25 years old and never really dated for a long time. I have never been in a relationship, mainly because I haven't found anybody who is interesting enough to me to pursue. So, I do the internet dating a lot. I am a teacher and this year we had many new teachers to join our school. We have a new ESL teacher. I thought he was cute when I first noticed him, but I didn't think he would find me attractive, so I didn't even attempt to introduce myself to him. Anyway--about a week passed and I get a message from this guy I work with on the internet dating site. He was also on there and had found me in a search. I thought it was really sweet and the next day at school he made sure to catch up and talk to me. So, he asked me out right away. It took a few weekends, but I finally told him that if he wants to go out with me, he better make it happen or I am moving on. That next Saturday, we spent the whole day together. We both had a great time and we both said that it made dating much easier...just because we got along so well. Anyway--we have been talking for about two months now. We work together and he trys to come by and say hello to me everyday..which I find very sweet. We both say we are dating each other but we are not in relationship though. He said he wants to keep seeing each other and if we want to see other people than that is fine. I told him the same thing. We hung out the other night and we kissed and made out a little bit. He mentioned that he desired to have sex with me. I then confessed and told him that I was virgin and didn't want to have sex until after I was married. I then told him he was the first guy I had kissed. He respected what I told him and he was very respectful during our making out time. The other day, it was work day at school. He came up to me again and asked me if we were really dating other people. I didn't know what to say, because I got from that he did want to date other people and I felt like he wasn't looking for a relationship right now. He then told me that he was only dating me and that he really liked me. My question is: Since he keeps on asking me the "are we dating other people" question, is he really trying to say that he wants to make it public that we are a couple and not seeing other people? Or is he just be curious to see what I am doing? Also, if we are dating, why is it I am sitting at home more than hanging out with him? Is it the fact that I see him everyday at work? We do try to hang out at least once on the weekend...sometimes that doesn't happen though. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am new to this whole dating scence! Thanks for reading this very long post!!!
Lady Bird Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 My question is: Since he keeps on asking me the "are we dating other people" question, is he really trying to say that he wants to make it public that we are a couple and not seeing other people? Or is he just be curious to see what I am doing? Also, if we are dating, why is it I am sitting at home more than hanging out with him? Is it the fact that I see him everyday at work? We do try to hang out at least once on the weekend...sometimes that doesn't happen though. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am new to this whole dating scence! Thanks for reading this very long post!!! Since you have been dating him for 2 months I think it's safe to sit down and ask him these questions for clarification to find out if he want to go public or if he is wanting to ensure that you are ok if he is dating someone else. Maybe ask him out, make the plans and show him you are interested in him. Seek him out in the morning to say "Hi" to him first. Invite him over for dinner or to watch a movie or simple spend time together to hang out durning the week too instead of just the weekends.
norajane Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 The other day, it was work day at school. He came up to me again and asked me if we were really dating other people. I didn't know what to say, because I got from that he did want to date other people and I felt like he wasn't looking for a relationship right now. He then told me that he was only dating me and that he really liked me. My question is: Since he keeps on asking me the "are we dating other people" question, is he really trying to say that he wants to make it public that we are a couple and not seeing other people? Or is he just be curious to see what I am doing? Also, if we are dating, why is it I am sitting at home more than hanging out with him? Is it the fact that I see him everyday at work? We do try to hang out at least once on the weekend...sometimes that doesn't happen though. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I am new to this whole dating scence! Thanks for reading this very long post!!! I don't think it's a good idea for people to say, sure, let's date other people, when they're only saying that because they are afraid the other person isn't ready for a committed relationship. How are your needs being met by lying to him about what you want? Anyway, I think you are reading this wrong. You told him HE was your first kiss, so he's probably wondering how that could possibly match up with you saying you're dating other people. That's why he asked "are we REALLY dating other people?" meaning, are YOU really dating other people? You should just tell him the truth. If you aren't dating anyone else and don't plan to, then tell him that. BE HONEST, or whatever relationship you end up with won't be worth a hill of beans because you've started it out by misleading him. You're sitting at home because you are NOT dating other people, despite what you told him, but he THOUGHT you were. He thinks you're out and about, so he's doing the same thing and not sitting around putting all his eggs in your basket. And he probably doesn't want to pursue too much, because he THINKS you're seeing other guys and want to see other guys and would get turned off if he came on too strong. You work together - in a dating situation like that, honesty and clarity is the best policy, or things could get ugly (meaning, you'll get hurt because you start to care about him, but he's still under the impression you want to date around, and then you'll get upset and break-up and boom! uncomfortable work relationship. Keep things straight and clear, and you can at least end things without drama, if it comes to that.
Author Blondie0315 Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Thanks for the input and advice ladies! We are supposed to go out together tomorrow afternoon and I hope it happens. Sometimes he tells me we will hang out and then we don't. Anyway--- I am going to let him know how I feel and that I don't want to date other people and I am not dating other people....I just said that b/c I thought that was what he wanted me to say. I am going to let him know how I feel and hopefully it will work out for the best. Thanks again!!
norajane Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 Thanks for the input and advice ladies! We are supposed to go out together tomorrow afternoon and I hope it happens. Sometimes he tells me we will hang out and then we don't. Anyway--- I am going to let him know how I feel and that I don't want to date other people and I am not dating other people....I just said that b/c I thought that was what he wanted me to say. I am going to let him know how I feel and hopefully it will work out for the best. Thanks again!! However it works out, it will be for the best. If he runs away because of what you tell him, clearly, he isn't the right guy for you, right? And if he stays, then you're in a much better, much more comfortable place with him because you agree on actually allowing the relationship to develop and feelings to grow between you over time. Good luck!
Lady Bird Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Good luck, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!
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