need some views

[Peter_pan]

i know my ex isnt coming back. ive been dealing with it like everyone else

 

but thoughts ive had for a while keep coming back and that is why, i feel or a part of me feels as though she thought i did something wrong for her to be so bitter at me during the break up.

 

i cant understand why after i read the email she sent me on holiday saying she was seeing him now etc that the next day i txtd her and she told me never to speak to her family again as i upset them, and so i said sorry i didnt no i upset them i didnt mean to (meaning when i called her mum and tried to speak to her, to put the story right, she told her mum she told me about him when she didnt....)

 

i said ok well when i get back can we at least talk about stuff i didnt know about him, you at least owe me that.

 

 

she said, theres not much to talk about, i dont owe you anything anymore

 

then week later she is informing me that her bro is moving in with her. she said, i just thought id let you know cause he is wanting to join the snowboarding club with you...

 

i was like...... its as if she forgot what she txt me

 

 

then recently i see her bro out in a club, bear in mind i havnt seen or spoke to him for the same amount of nc time, he was really happy to see me etc

 

he said, i dont care what my sister says, i want to speak to you, your my bro and the best guy in the world

 

and then on my bday, she didnt even say happy bday.. nothing. that was really harsh esp as she met my mate for a coffee in june, even getting my number of him....

 

so argh it gets me angry.

 

 

so... this leads me to think that she had or has a reason not to talk to me?

 

i dunno. i just feel something isnt right. i guess i am trying to find a better understanding on where it went wrong and get closure on knowing that i didnt do anything wrong for her not to want me back. maybe it was my ocd i dont know, since i got no answers off her. just bs like its not what i want anymore, ive changed people change, take all the good times and move on.

 

wanted to get it off my chest, i no im just theorizing but there you go

[foxh1234]

Hi PP, you can beat yourself up forever wondering about what she is or isn't thinking but the problem is, we never know what they are thinking. She might just need to cut you out for awhile so she can get over you just like you should be trying to get over her. She may be mad at you or 50 other reasons for no contact but the bottom line is- None of that matters really. All that matters is the here and now. You and her are broken up, you have to pick up the pieces and continue without her. Maybe forvever and maybe not, but you have to do it anyway. Please stop rehashing the past in your head, I have done it and it leads to no where but more hurt. I feel for you man, I really do, but please listen to what I am saying, I know of what I speak.

[northstar1]

i know my ex isnt coming back. ive been dealing with it like everyone else

 

but thoughts ive had for a while keep coming back and that is why, i feel or a part of me feels as though she thought i did something wrong for her to be so bitter at me during the break up.

 

i cant understand why after i read the email she sent me on holiday saying she was seeing him now etc that the next day i txtd her and she told me never to speak to her family again as i upset them, and so i said sorry i didnt no i upset them i didnt mean to (meaning when i called her mum and tried to speak to her, to put the story right, she told her mum she told me about him when she didnt....)

 

i said ok well when i get back can we at least talk about stuff i didnt know about him, you at least owe me that.

 

 

she said, theres not much to talk about, i dont owe you anything anymore

 

then week later she is informing me that her bro is moving in with her. she said, i just thought id let you know cause he is wanting to join the snowboarding club with you...

 

i was like...... its as if she forgot what she txt me

 

 

then recently i see her bro out in a club, bear in mind i havnt seen or spoke to him for the same amount of nc time, he was really happy to see me etc

 

he said, i dont care what my sister says, i want to speak to you, your my bro and the best guy in the world

 

and then on my bday, she didnt even say happy bday.. nothing. that was really harsh esp as she met my mate for a coffee in june, even getting my number of him....

 

so argh it gets me angry.

 

 

so... this leads me to think that she had or has a reason not to talk to me?

 

i dunno. i just feel something isnt right. i guess i am trying to find a better understanding on where it went wrong and get closure on knowing that i didnt do anything wrong for her not to want me back. maybe it was my ocd i dont know, since i got no answers off her. just bs like its not what i want anymore, ive changed people change, take all the good times and move on.

 

wanted to get it off my chest, i no im just theorizing but there you go

 

Peter, you could spend the rest of your life conjuring up "what if" or "why did this happen" questions. You may never get clear answers on these.

I'm not saying your ex is bad news, far from it, but what is clear from your posts over the past 6 months, is that she has moved on and at this point has not made a move showing she wants to come back.

 

Stop blaming yourself for something you did or didn't do. No one is perfect.

 

So, the choice for you is to, how long do you want to torture yourself by analyzing every single conversation, interaction etc, looking to see what you did wrong or what is missing? I know how tough it is to accept that things are as they are, and that you have NO control over changing that. But you need to find a way to let go of it and move on.

Life is too short to spend this much mental energy on something you cannot influence or change.

[Peter_pan]

cheers fox

 

im pretty sure she is over me, she started to see this guy right away, even if it wasnt serious as she once said. but i know your right this is the here and now and im here now moving on with life.

 

i feel strange that she is a stranger. i never thought that would happen. i hate that she is a different person now, i would assume.. i also hate that she hasnt made contact with me at all, even when she wasnt with him! . how could/can someone be so dry? and how could she act like that to me when she didnt want me.

 

 

i feel like ive done my moving on time and now its time she contacts me and says something. i hate how she is in nc with me. i dont want to break it cause i have done well and i know it wont change anything but i find it hard to live like she is dead.

 

i looked back over my past posts and, alot of comments were move on and dont wait around, because it may never happen you have to live like she is gone, date other girls and find someone new.

 

well i dated a girl, it didnt work out, didnt click well. started off good but then i had thoughts of my ex and i didnt want to mess this girl around and so we left it.

 

i didnt want to get to this point in time and still miss my ex, i thought things would be easier but there not, just time has effected how i cope.

 

i really hate her. she gave me so many memories and i feel strange that it feels like that was in another life, like it happened to someone else but its me.

 

so very stressed. i cant sleep properly.

 

i really dont know anymore. f sake. when does it end...

[foxh1234]

cheers fox

 

im pretty sure she is over me, she started to see this guy right away, even if it wasnt serious as she once said. but i know your right this is the here and now and im here now moving on with life.

 

i feel strange that she is a stranger. i never thought that would happen. i hate that she is a different person now, i would assume.. i also hate that she hasnt made contact with me at all, even when she wasnt with him! . how could/can someone be so dry? and how could she act like that to me when she didnt want me.

 

 

i feel like ive done my moving on time and now its time she contacts me and says something. i hate how she is in nc with me. i dont want to break it cause i have done well and i know it wont change anything but i find it hard to live like she is dead.

 

i looked back over my past posts and, alot of comments were move on and dont wait around, because it may never happen you have to live like she is gone, date other girls and find someone new.

 

well i dated a girl, it didnt work out, didnt click well. started off good but then i had thoughts of my ex and i didnt want to mess this girl around and so we left it.

 

i didnt want to get to this point in time and still miss my ex, i thought things would be easier but there not, just time has effected how i cope.

 

i really hate her. she gave me so many memories and i feel strange that it feels like that was in another life, like it happened to someone else but its me.

 

so very stressed. i cant sleep properly.

 

i really dont know anymore. f sake. when does it end...

 

It ends my friend when you let it end. She is not causing these thoughts or problems, she is gone. You are doing it to yourself. The sooner you realize that the better you will get. As hard as it is to accept, you need to fully let her go before you can heal. Let it go and let go of any guilt or what if's and it will set you free. You are young and I hate to see you drag yourself down like this. let it end, just accept it and let it end.

[Peter_pan]

Peter, you could spend the rest of your life conjuring up "what if" or "why did this happen" questions. You may never get clear answers on these.

I'm not saying your ex is bad news, far from it, but what is clear from your posts over the past 6 months, is that she has moved on and at this point has not made a move showing she wants to come back.

 

Stop blaming yourself for something you did or didn't do. No one is perfect.

 

So, the choice for you is to, how long do you want to torture yourself by analyzing every single conversation, interaction etc, looking to see what you did wrong or what is missing? I know how tough it is to accept that things are as they are, and that you have NO control over changing that. But you need to find a way to let go of it and move on.

Life is too short to spend this much mental energy on something you cannot influence or change.

 

cheers northstar

 

yeah i know, that to me hurts cause its like her choice was right and she is better off without me. that hurts alot.

 

i remember writing her a letter saying that you should live your life and that i drag her down.

 

i only said that cause i was upset in myself for not knowing what i wanted, did i want her or not?

 

obviously if i knew id be like this months later, i wouldn't have said that. although at the time i did write another one explaining i didnt mean it and that i was upset with myself for not being sure.

 

but yeh that torturing myself again with what i did and didnt do.

 

nc has taught me that i can survive being single, it has its good times but has lonely times to, also its taught me that or more told my mind that i will be single for a long long time. thats ok for now but wen i get older and less attractive, i am going to start bricking it.

[Peter_pan]

It ends my friend when you let it end. She is not causing these thoughts or problems, she is gone. You are doing it to yourself. The sooner you realize that the better you will get. As hard as it is to accept, you need to fully let her go before you can heal. Let it go and let go of any guilt or what if's and it will set you free. You are young and I hate to see you drag yourself down like this. let it end, just accept it and let it end.

 

yeah man your right, i wish i could hang out with you and stuff, would help so much.

 

my mate and his gf the other night told me that im such a good guy and that she was nasty and that i can and will find someone much better.

 

that made me feel good but i have honestly lost the will to find someone now, so i guess i may be in the situation where when you stop lookin, someone will pop up.

 

i dont have the what if as much anymore, its more guilt and i dont know where its coming from. her being in nc with me makes me feel like i am the bad guy. or i was never worth it

[northstar1]

cheers northstar

 

yeah i know, that to me hurts cause its like her choice was right and she is better off without me. that hurts alot.

 

i remember writing her a letter saying that you should live your life and that i drag her down.

 

i only said that cause i was upset in myself for not knowing what i wanted, did i want her or not?

 

obviously if i knew id be like this months later, i wouldn't have said that. although at the time i did write another one explaining i didnt mean it and that i was upset with myself for not being sure.

 

but yeh that torturing myself again with what i did and didnt do.

 

nc has taught me that i can survive being single, it has its good times but has lonely times to, also its taught me that or more told my mind that i will be single for a long long time. thats ok for now but wen i get older and less attractive, i am going to start bricking it.

 

You are young and have lots of time to meet women.

The sooner you let go of the guilt and hope, the sooner you will be able to meet a new girl who will be great for you and fill that space in your mind that is being taken up by memories of your ex.

[Peter_pan]

You are young and have lots of time to meet women.

The sooner you let go of the guilt and hope, the sooner you will be able to meet a new girl who will be great for you and fill that space in your mind that is being taken up by memories of your ex.

 

how do i let go of hope and guilt?

 

yeh at the moment i am just living my life and not worrying about finding the right one, should i just date around? sleep with other women while i can? all my mates bar one who is in a long term relationship always have stories of women they have got with etc

 

or is there two types of bloke and i should stick to how i am, i e form a relationship before getting intimate

 

but yeh forgetting the ex is my main problem

[northstar1]

how do i let go of hope and guilt?

 

yeh at the moment i am just living my life and not worrying about finding the right one, should i just date around? sleep with other women while i can? all my mates bar one who is in a long term relationship always have stories of women they have got with etc

 

or is there two types of bloke and i should stick to how i am, i e form a relationship before getting intimate

 

but yeh forgetting the ex is my main problem

 

You realize you can't change the past. That's it.

Nothing you can do can change things as they are. The sooner you realize that the faster you can let go of this self torture.

[Peter_pan]

You realize you can't change the past. That's it.

Nothing you can do can change things as they are. The sooner you realize that the faster you can let go of this self torture.

 

what about being friends? or at least talking terms? wouldn't that at least give more of a chance of one day being back together? or allowing that to be an option

[ahhhchooo]

Why do you want to be friends with her? Did you ever go NC with this girl? It sounds like NC may be very beneficial for you since it isn't working out that way. What kind of a friend (close one at that) doesn't give you a happy birthday?

[Peter_pan]

she never offered to be my friend after i found out about him, she said, i dont want to lose contact with you.

 

from my point of view i didnt want to be an option to her as a safety net. i wanted her to learn from her mistakes.

but that didnt work since she is still with him. again its a what if, but if i had stayed in some contact then she might have come back.

 

i went into nc straight after hearing she was with him. broke it 2 weeks later by calling her to try and get her back or confirm this it what she really wanted to do. which it was, and that was that

[lofi_tokyo]

what about being friends? or at least talking terms? wouldn't that at least give more of a chance of one day being back together? or allowing that to be an option

 

It sounds to me like... even though you are admitting that yes, you know shes not coming back... you haven't ACCEPTED it. Does that make sense? You know the truth, and acknowledge you know the truth, but you are not accepting the truth.

 

I think thats why you were hurt when she didn't call you on your birthday, because you're kind of holding onto a really thin line that says shes thinking of you.

 

As Fox has already said, you two are broken up. Its over. She has no obligation to call you. Come to think of it, I never call my ex's on their birthdays! Not out of an active choice or anything, but more-so because I sincerely forget the day of, then remember a few days later... and one of those ex's I'm actually friends with, but I still didn't call (we're not super close, but see eachother once a week, and hang out about once a month or less).

 

I feel for you though Peter because I still have moments of denial. Its kind of a "hes coming back, I know it. He may not miss me now, but he will. He'll definately call on my birthday, or at least text". You HAVE to ignore those thoughts though, and realize that with each day you're getting further from your ex. Your future is without her.

 

I think hopeful people are always think each day they're getting closer to their ex - that is to say, they're getting closer to the day their ex will finally call and things will turn out. But, they don't know when that day is, so they put value on certain dates - an anniversary, birthday, special event. The reality is though, were only getting further and further from when we were with them.

 

I understand what you're going through, and all I can say is... you'll get there soon enough. We all do eventually. You just need to start reminding your brain its over.

[Peter_pan]

i hear what your saying TV, i dont know if i'll ever be able to accept it fully. it hurts to much. i hate how it ended. i dont get how she can just move on from me like that and not look back. its as if i did something horrible. and thats what eats at me.

 

 

i dont get why she would ask about me with my best mate in june then come july my bday she dosnt say anything...

 

my bday was our anniversary, and unless she is dumb she would remember that i dont think anyone could forget.

 

my mate said (after talking to her in person) maybe she is scared of me and my emotions and dosnt want to hurt me more, i dunno if he made that up or mirroring something she said

 

i do think about breaking nc a lot, but there is never any point if it came to actually doing it, since time has forced me not to, and if she is with him whats the point, plus even if we got back together, whats the point. its all BS.

 

a lot of posts that tell people how to feel better focus on there bad points like, do what they stopped you doing well,

 

she never stopped me doing anything, she was layed back, i went on to do snowboarding lessons and i wanted to teach her, i also wanted to join a gym with her and learn a martial art, she did agree at one point then backed out right away, as if she remembered him...

 

well i now snowboard which she never got to see, i joined a gym with my best mates and became buff, i am going to start a martial art.

ive dropped my hobbie of building computers and i now fix the occasional one in my spare time for cash.

 

i do think, i wonder what she is doing when i look up at the stars.