Author Bells Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Wow, bang! You just shot yourself in the foot and validated everything we were saying. "Tell him what he wants to hear". Think about that for a second. Yep...there' s no takin' that back now, Shygirl.
torranceshipman Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Maybe I missed some of your other communications with her, that'd explain this further, but I got the impression that you expressed interest, she told you she really wanted the time to hang with her buddies all weekend (girl speak for 'im letting you down politely'), then you ask her out, she just says what were you thinking of, you suggest something, and then she said well yknow, after yoga you'd have to wait til 9....to me that sounds like shes saying 'so as you can see, sat isnt really practical' -again letting you down politely-but you read it as 'ok we have a date sat night'!! Then no follow up until you said what time should you pick her up and she was quite understandably confused and even pointed out to you that shed told you about the impractical late yoga situation and thus didnt agree to a date.....I think you guys were on different wavelengths!
Author Bells Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 Maybe I missed some of your other communications with her, that'd explain this further, but I got the impression that you expressed interest, she told you she really wanted the time to hang with her buddies all weekend (girl speak for 'im letting you down politely'), then you ask her out, she just says what were you thinking of, you suggest something, and then she said well yknow, after yoga you'd have to wait til 9....to me that sounds like shes saying 'so as you can see, sat isnt really practical' -again letting you down politely-but you read it as 'ok we have a date sat night'!! Then no follow up until you said what time should you pick her up and she was quite understandably confused and even pointed out to you that shed told you about the impractical late yoga situation and thus didnt agree to a date.....I think you guys were on different wavelengths! There's an update on this....on Fri night she told me she might or not might not be busy with friends on Sat night (tonight), and she'll "let me know" if these tentative plans with her friends would come to fruition or not. I said "okay, sounds good" expecting THAT to be the final blow off, I was thinking " Yeah, right I don't expect you to call." Guess what, she calls me TONIGHT!! She says she' just got out of her Yoga class..and asked me "What do you have going on tonight...anything?" And I go, "Well, no, not really. Hadn't had any plans.... you going out with your friends tonight after Yoga?" She goes, "Naw....there going out, but I don't really feel like going out and I just ate already." And I was just making conversation and said, " Yeah, maybe you can have desert?" And she goes, "Really, what's a good place to get desert?" (Thinking she was wanting to join me for desert.) And I go, "Well, I sometimes like those Diary Queen Blizzarsd, they're awesome" And she goes, "I don't care too much for ice cream" It seems like she was making excuses, when I had no intention of seeing her tonight. I was wondering if she was baiting me.....and...when I would say something...she would make an excuse for it...but I could be wrong. Basically, I think the conversation was something like, Her: "So you have anything going on this evening?" Making ME believe she's hinting at me asking her out.....but I didn't fall for it. She was waiting for me to say, "WEll, I got not nothing going on right now....want to get something to eat?" And she would say, "Oh, I already ate..sorry." Then I would say, "Well, how about desert?" Then her with another answer....about how she doesn't like ice cream (when I mentioned Ice Cream) I'm kind of wondering why she even called me, well, she said she WOULD call me, but I didn't believe her....but she did anyways. So did she blow me off....call me the next day just to notify me she was "Blowing" me off again? I think she called met to have some kind of "excuse list" ready for the barrage of excuses for the BAITED questions she would ask me. It's like one magician trying to "out trick" another magician. The conversation concluded with me saying, "Well, just let me know if you want to do something, since you don't feel up to anything to night" Funny, she bailed on her friends too.....wierd.
Left in a Lurch Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 and then she said well yknow, after yoga you'd have to wait til 9....to me that sounds like shes saying 'so as you can see, sat isnt really practical' -again letting you down politely-but you read it as 'ok we have a date sat night'!! quote] I agree but I think the point is that what she said was ambiguous and will almost always be taken as a positive sign by someone interested. Women must know that someone interested in them will be looking for the positive signs in a mixed signal, a shred of possibility. For all we know maybe she really is interested and she was 1/2 considering a date but not totally convinced. Had she said, "No date for you!" it is less stress on her and Bells and removes the ambiguity. When you are in the middle of it you are trying to be confident and positive. To fault someone for being persistant when you actually tell them there is a chance is wrong. Most relationships I know of have started out with a "no" or a lack of interest on one of the parties at the start. You can tell from Bells' posts that he is just like anyone in the initial stages of a relationship/no relationship. He's chasing her because she runs and then stops long enough for him to catch up, very cat and mouse. Women doing this condition men to think that they have to jump through hoops and prove themselves to women over time with balls and persistence to be the Knight in Shining Armor rising out of the battle fields of poop. If the man gives up they say he is a wimp or has no balls. Women who are honest and adult enough to mouth the word "no" have a hard time seeing that other experiences have trained the guy to think it means, "you have my attention, now prove yourself worthy". It is easy from the outside to see it's about 85-90% nothing will work out but it is like in the movie Dumb and Dumber, "So you're saying there's a chance!" We've all been there and been blinded by interest and that is why that line is funny because it rings true. I think back to the times when someone was interested in me and I was not interested back. I could say the stupidest things or make a rude comment and the girl would laugh and say, "you're funny" but others would say I was an ass. I didn't want to hurt them so I would SIMPLY tell them I was just not interested in them in that way. I don't blame Bells for not taking "no" for an answer for the simple reason that she never really said "no". In fact the only thing she really said was "yes" and then didn't follow through. I think Bells made it clear that if she said "no" instead of just showing a lack of full interest in an attempt to whisper an inaudible "no", he would have appreciated that. I think Bells knows what's up but if he keeps after her he is showing no less consideration for her than she is showing him so turn-about is fair play I guess.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Sorry but a DQ blizzard is not really a date place for a dessert. you should have suggested a place for dessert with some atmosphere at least, like have coffee and dessert at a quirky fun restaurant where you could talk, or at a cool coffee house.
fabulousgal Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 there seems to be some communication errors going on btw you two. i think she sounds like a flake. not all girls are like this, so don't get on that train.... some of them are mature and don't bs and will say no when they mean no. just like some guys are honest guys and others are out for the putang.
Shygirl15 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Bells, my friend, you're a nagging type. . Trust me.
Left in a Lurch Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 ....to me that sounds like shes saying 'so as you can see, sat isnt really practical' -again letting you down politely-but you read it as 'ok we have a date sat night'!! quote] I agree but I think the point is that what she said was ambiguous and will almost always be taken as a positive sign by someone interested. Women must know that someone interested in them will be looking for the positive signs in a mixed signal, a shred of possibility. For all we know maybe she really is interested and she was 1/2 considering a date but not totally convinced. Had she said, "No date for you!" it is less stress on her and Bells and removes the ambiguity. When you are in the middle of it you are trying to be confident and positive. To fault someone for being persistant when you actually tell them there is a chance is wrong. Most relationships I know of have started out with a "no" or a lack of interest on one of the parties at the start. You can tell from Bells' posts that he is just like anyone in the initial stages of a relationship/no relationship. He's chasing her because she runs and then stops long enough for him to catch up, very cat and mouse. Women doing this condition men to think that they have to jump through hoops and prove themselves to women over time with balls and persistence to be the Knight in Shining Armor rising out of the battle fields of poop. If the man gives up they say he is a wimp or has no balls. Women who are honest and adult enough to mouth the word "no" have a hard time seeing that other experience have trained the guy to think it is a "maybe" It is easy from the outside to see it's about 85-90% nothing will work out but it is like in the movie Dumb and Dumber, "So you're saying there's a chance!" We've all been there and been blinded by interest and that is why that line is funny because it rings true. I think back to the times when someone was interested in me and I was not interested back. I could say the stupidest things or make a rude comment and the girl would laugh and say, "you're funny" but others would say I was an ass. I didn't want to hurt them so I would SIMPLY tell them I was just not interested in them in that way. I don't blame Bells for not taking "no" for an answer for the simple reason that she never really said "no". In fact the only thing she really said was "yes" and then didn't follow through. I think Bells made it clear that if she said "no" instead of just showing a lack of full interest in an attempt to whisper an inaudible "no", he would have appreciated that. I think Bells knows what's up but if he keeps after her he is showing no less consideration for her than she is showing him so turn-about is fair play I guess.
Left in a Lurch Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Bells, my friend, you're a nagging type. Trust me. Ha. "Guess what, she calls me TONIGHT!!" But it's ok she calls him and keeps it going? Shygirl, how exactly does that say, "Go away Bells?" If you have the answer to that you can sell it for millions to men across the world. More proof flaking happens and guys have gotten pretty good at predicting it, and your "She's just not into you" excuse is just to make you feel a little better about your sisters' poor manners. Bells, lay down the law. Turn-about is fair play. Get up on your cross and do whatever you need to. Flake on her, play her, use her, get serious with her, have a fling, whatever. You are no longer bound by relationship common courtesy with her. Ladies I know not all of you are flakes and some don't like to hurt feelings but we have no way of knowing which one you are until after we spend time with you, and we have no way of knowing if you are being honest or you are a playerette. Actually, most shy women I have met really seem mean or rude or like flakes playing me along until I spend time to find out that they are just really shy. After a while they admit they were interested but were too shy to show it and sent the same signals out as Bells' girl. Oddly enough, Shygirl is making a case that guys should walk away in these situations because they are being a pest and we should know which type you are before we really know anything about you. Just because you know who you are and who you like doesn't mean we can pick that up right away from initial encounters. It's impossible to read so we either make a decision as a guy that we will be the type to go full bore on every woman or quit on every women at the first little sign of lack of interest. Either way is a 50/50 crap shoot unless someone actually speaks the word "No". I'd just like to point out that Shygirl misread this girl's signals that were described too. The girl calling Bells would not happen if she was trying to get rid of a clingy guy that wouldn't take a "no". So even women can't read signals, how is any guy going to?
spigweed Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 She's just not into you and kept you as a spare. She is like god this guy just won't stop. At the moment when she said oh well maybe I should go out she said you'll have to wait but then she thought again and decided not to go out with you. So she is playing dumb. I'm a woman and unfortunately I've done something like this to a guy that I cared less. You'll have to either move on or play her game to get a date with her eventually. Trust me this doesn't mean you have no chance ever never. It maybe a state in her life. The fact that she agreeed there for a sec means you may have a chance eventually just not now. Sometimes people that travel don't want to tie themselves. These type of people become very emotionally attached and controlling in relationship and are afraid of their own feelings, so they chose to avoid any heart breaking or aching. She is safe with her friends.
Author Bells Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 I get a kick out of you guys (not including ChatRoom Hero and Djam and couple of others) You are saying...."She's not into you" or "Stop Nagging her" Um....she was the one that called ME tonight....I was like "Huh??" when she called, I didn't expect it. Since she called, I guess in a sense, she's the one nagging me. I never suggested Dairy Queen as a date....I just said I like getting those Blizzards from the Dairy Queen myself.....sorry if my place of choice for deserts aren't all that appealing. Even if I did go with her to the Dairy Queen...who cares? As long as you enjoy the company. Now they're picking apart "Oh, you shouldn't have worn the light blue shirt, you should have worn the dark blue shirt, that's why you blew it with her." Man , I bet "Anti-Dairy Queen" girl here is hard to please.
torranceshipman Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I reckon you should forget this girl, cause she isnt interested, and she's using you for a bit of an ego boost and very clearly as a 'last resort if theres nothing better to do and even then I might choose just staying home instead'!! You shouldnt accept that behavior from anyone-walk away with pride intact and show her a girl that acts like her cant use you like that. We've all been there at one point in our lives and the best thing is to walk away and wait for a sweetie to come along who will think you're awesome and not use you as a cheap ego boost. If she was shy but interested, trust me, you'd know and itd feel a lot nicer than you feel around this girl, who is just a manipulator!
Meet 4 Coffee Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I'm not anti-Dairy Queen, it's just that that is a fast food restaurant. Plus you stated you like those "yourself." It didn't sound like you really wanted to take her out, just go through the DQ drivethrough by yourself. Bells, you never really answered my question "Are you a virgin?" That would give me a lot of insight to help you with your situation and also would explain a lot. Thanks.
kashmir Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 I'm not anti-Dairy Queen, it's just that that is a fast food restaurant. Plus you stated you like those "yourself." It didn't sound like you really wanted to take her out, just go through the DQ drivethrough by yourself. Lol...I always thought guys were told to be assertive and declare a place for a date and not say, "well where do you want to go?" all the time. I've been on dates where we just go get ice cream and talk for hours. What you're doing on the date shouldn't really matter though. If she wanted to spend time with you, she'd go pretty much anywhere with you. Bells, while I find it odd that she called you, I think that she's just looking for attention from you. Forget her, man.
Shygirl15 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Bells, you never really answered my question "Are you a virgin?" That would give me a lot of insight to help you with your situation and also would explain a lot. Thanks. :lmao:!! Yeah, Bells, please tell us.
sultry33 Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 In England having dessrt is actually norty;) maybe she was flirting?
Author Bells Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 Lol...I always thought guys were told to be assertive and declare a place for a date and not say, "well where do you want to go?" all the time. I've been on dates where we just go get ice cream and talk for hours. What you're doing on the date shouldn't really matter though. If she wanted to spend time with you, she'd go pretty much anywhere with you. Bells, while I find it odd that she called you, I think that she's just looking for attention from you. Forget her, man. For the record, I am not a virgin. Here's an update.....Sunday she tried calling me 3 times (left 2 messages)...I was out busying doing a family event....by the time I got back it was late. I returned her call, and told her what's up, and we decided to reschedule for this weekend instead. So I suppose her calling me 3 times and leaving 2 messages still qualifys me as a nuisance to her, right?
CommitmentPhobe Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Bells Don't call all week, when she calls you up to talk about the weekend plans, tell her you're going out with friends and you forgot Go on Bells please please please do it PLEASE
flc Posted November 10, 2008 Posted November 10, 2008 Bells Don't call all week, when she calls you up to talk about the weekend plans, tell her you're going out with friends and you forgot Go on Bells please please please do it PLEASE Follow this advice. Bottom line is that if she is interested she should contact you. Once you let someone know you are interested the ball is in their court, keep it that way don't run over and hit the ball back to yourself. If she doesn't call then you have an answer, if you get a call you are on. It is really pretty simple, if a girl wants to play hard to get then tough she can wait for someone else to play that game.
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