Woah, talk about a 360...you'll find this interesting.

November 8, 2008

It disgusts me that members of the female gender think they can just do this to guys, and then they have the audacity to demand that men should respect and be honest with them.

We do this to guys who won't take no for an answer, and who say things like this:

Funny thing is, she's brand new to this country, she's asian, and she's left the whole asian woman respect and thoughtfulness behind her.

Bells, I think you're better off paying for a hooker who will pretend to be this way for you for an hour.

November 8, 2008

Bells,

On one hand, I think the way she blew you off was pretty immature and dumb, and that some of the women here are being a little harsh on you and acting like she's a victim.

On the other hand though, I think they're right in a sense that you had it coming with this girl. People are not obligated to be honest and sincere with you, and the moment you sense they're not being that way, you should forget them. It sounds like this girl has been blowing you off for a few weeks. I would have ended contact with her the first time she declined or was wishy-washy. SOMETIMES I'll give the girl another chance if I'm not sure whether her excuse was legit, but in most cases she blows me off a second time. I never talk to her after that.

Show a little respect for yourself and forget this girl. She doesn't want you, and you shouldn't want her. Making up stuff like how she should be respectful and thoughtful because of her culture is just going to dig your hole deeper. Accept rejection and move on.

November 8, 2008

Oh, also...

The whole thing with being an a-hole to women doesn't work. Trust me...I've unintentionally been an a-hole to certain girls in the past, in a way where I had little regard for their feelings, and they hate me now. =p

November 8, 2008

We do this to guys who won't take no for an answer, and who say things like this:

"Funny thing is, she's brand new to this country, she's asian, and she's left the whole asian woman respect and thoughtfulness behind her."

Bells, I think you're better off paying for a hooker who will pretend to be this way for you for an hour.

You know, I understand how frustrating it is when you are honest and up front with someone who's shown you interest, but he/she decides that they can change your mind, or worse they go immature and give you drama because you didn't give them the answer they wanted to hear.

You know...I as a man have been there. Had women whom I was not attracted to be nice to me, and I'd be friends to them. When they try to make their intentions known, I usually stick to the idea of a polite and respectful rejection. I just tell them I don't see them that way.

And many times it blew up on me. Had women go from sweet to psycho, calling me shallow, immature, and even an a**hole, despite that I was honest, polite, and respectful to them. Had some later keep giving me crap when I would check out another woman, again giving me crap because I didn't pick them.

Despite the drama, those incidents only told me that these women did not want my friendship as much as they wanted me as a BF. I didn't remain in contact with these women simply because I felt that the drama wouldn't stop.

In the case of this Asian woman, she handled this wrong...which is my entire point. Many women handle things exactly like this and they need to know it's not right. I don't care how "easy" it appears, but to be a mature adult means you don't fear if a guy becomes a jerk because you politely said you're not interested in him. Even Bells would have politely backed off that girl had she been honest with him from the start.

Accepting a date is only going to make a guy keep coming, no matter if he takes rejection well or not. If she had been honest from the start, and Bells still kept trying, then she's got full right to get rude, and if he came here complaining, I'd tell him he should have backed off when she said no.

Honesty and respect are the cornerstones of relations between our two genders. If we keep thinking it's ok to pull them out here and there, or worse disguise abandoning them as "protecting his/her feelings", then we're going to see the problems in dating grow even more massive.

That's simply my point. I've had this scenario happen to me many times...and I hated it even more than when a girl gave me an honest rejection. I'm sorry there are little boys out there who can't take it, but it shouldn't become the excuse to abandon our ethics.

I'm not going to get into the "American Women Suck" debate that I've seen happen on these such boards, but I will unfortunately share that my girlfriend is Slovakian, from Slovakia. Born and raised European, and carrying a lot of that personality in her. She respects men, relationships, and is kind and considerate. She has goals and ambitions, but refuses to ever see males as "disposable" and would never lie to men or toy with men as some means to "get what she wants".

Bells' comment is one I've seen not only shared by many men who have trouble in dating, but even with the men who can get women left and right. Just some kind of massive male feeling that women aren't ladies anymore and feminism has made a mess of gender relations. I still believe in some of the ideas of feminism, like women being in charge of their lives, but I will agree that it seems even my luck with women over my life has been those who don't have that "it's all about me me me me me" mentality.

Not saying women here on this board are like that, but I've heard the complaints enough time to wonder if there is a validity to them.

November 8, 2008

Okay, I admit, I'm off about the whole "Asian" thing, because women can be women...no matter what part of the country they are from.

It was more of a side-note that really have any merit to the rest of my situation. So, I'll give you that.

However, I stand by what I and D-Jam says about this situation.

It's really hard to gauge (esp if you have to experience it for yourself, because every person WILL be different) the fact that wether or not or if I can sense if she's into me....

Sometimes I give them the benefit of the doubt, and give it another shot, sometimes I don't it all depends on the situation....if she was ill that weekend, I'll buy it, if she ran late from work...and so on.

But you can only let it go so far, and it is sometimes hard to gauge things, but I can tell when someone is friggin AGREEING to go out with me, but then reneg at the last minute....that's a refection on her...I'm doing MY part, she's not holding up to it.

Of course, people aren't obliged to be honest and respectful to you, I remember in Ghostbusters 2, the Mayor of NYC stated it's everyone's God given right to be rude *******s...for some reason that stuck, but it is unfortunate that well, people are just plain *******s and they have the righ to be one.....but chances are what goes around comes around, and it doesn't make them a good person altogether....people will not like her, and chances are she either uses her friends, or even LOOSES friendship due to this behaviour.

November 8, 2008

What OpenBook said:

We do this to guys who won't take no for an answer

But she didn't say no, she agreed to go out with me....you might want to read my post again.

And I don't buy into the whole "protect his feelings" crap....yeah, agreeing to go out with a guy, then blow him off is going to worsen his feelings.

November 8, 2008

While I can totally appreciate not giving up friends to be with a guy, I think this girl is just playing games with you. When I am really into a guy, I make time for him. When I am not, I blow him off or I don't bother making plans.

There are plenty of girls out there who will make time for you. Why are you settling for one who is just jerking you around?

November 8, 2008

Women really can't be all that critical of actions like Bells' because men have to put themselves out there and if every guy quit on a woman when she sent a VAGUE "not interested" signal, no one would ever be in a relationship. Instead all guys would spend all their time playing Hockey and Football and Baseball and drinking beer and women would only be hooking up with each other. (In other words, Heaven).

If a woman really likes a guy, she has good conversations, she agrees to making plans, answers their calls, returns their calls (sometimes after a waiting period), tries not to show "too much interest"...and then she hopes he gets the signal she is interested.

If a woman is not into a guy, she has good conversations, she (falsely, known only to her) agrees to making plans, answers their calls, returns their calls (sometimes after a waiting period), tries not to show "too much interest"...and then she hopes he gets the signal she is not interested!

She expects a guy to know by the subtle signs that exist in only her head, when they are in fact the same signs women send to men when they want to be pursued.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard friends' wives say they had no interest in my friend and blew him off 2 or 3 times until they finally caved and everything went great.

I have had multiple times when I went on dates with women I was interested in who flaked out or cancelled plans with lame excuses, or one day acted like we were best friends and the next day like we never met. I am pretty quick to cut and run in these situations because I am practical and figure I don't want to spend time with someone whose actions suggest that I am not that important to them, because I probably am not that important to them. Here's the kicker-A handful of times I have had mutual friends ask me after why I never called back or why I stopped chasing the girl because she was really into me and upset I didn't keep after her even though I picked up her not interested signals. (The mutual friends usually agreed that they were probably sending the wrong signals after I told them the facts).

When women feel too nice to tell someone they are not interested, at the very least they have to understand that THEY ARE NOT TELLING THE GUY THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED, and that is a clear signal for any love struck dope that the woman may be at least a little interested.

Guys have the burden of calling, making the plans, making a good impression, reading the invisible subtle signals, and having the balls to keep up the chase. Once it gets started, it is hard to stop based on vague signals.

If this girl actually likes Bells, she eventually would consider it romantic and sweet that he kept trying, and she might play hard to get for the thrill of the chase. If she is not interested she will think, "Clearly he is missing my clear signals."

I have never pretended to be even passivley interested in a woman that was romantically interested in me, which I did not feel the same way towards. You can be nice and honest at the same time.

Bells, I would suggest that if she acts this way now she will act this way 2 months from now if you guys are seriously dating.

Think about this-If every day you hit on a girl you like for 3 months and every day she punches you in the nuts, if she finally agrees to go on a date with you are you going to be surprised at the end of the night when you lean in for a kiss and she punches you in the nuts?

November 8, 2008

This is not a gender-based thing. Guys say they'll call all the time and lead women on all the time.

However, this woman has been done with you a while now, but you just didn't take the hint the first time. She is simply shy and doesn't want to tell you straight out that she is in no way, shape, or form attracted to you and it would be a cold day in hell before she'd go out with you. Keep repeating those words, let them be your ,until you finally get it.

November 8, 2008

I have to agree with chat room hero. Women hardly ever give a clear sign. A poster on here said before that if she was interested, she'd jump on the chance to go out with a guy. I disagree. I've never had a girl do that with me, and I don't believe that I've never had a girl interested in me. Some girls can be more distinct than others, but a lot of times their interested signs and disinterested signs really aren't that much different. That's why sometimes a guy needs to keep trying if he's feeling it until he gets an outright NO. As for me, I don't pursue that much. Maybe that's why I don't get dates or ever had a gf, because when a girl is acting the least bit flaky I decide that it's just not worth it and move on.

November 8, 2008

Guys, stop making excuses for women being not into you. They're not flaky, they're not flawed or evil, it's not cultural differences....they're just not into you. Move on and get over it.

November 8, 2008

Guys, stop making excuses for women being not into you. They're not flaky, they're not flawed or evil, it's not cultural differences....they're just not into you. Move on and get over it.

Well I don't know how older women are, but at my age (19), I know for a fact that they can be flaky even when they're into you. It's a weird time when nothing really makes sense. You seem to get lucky or unlucky, lol.

November 8, 2008

Guys, stop making excuses for women being not into you. They're not flaky, they're not flawed or evil, it's not cultural differences....they're just not into you. Move on and get over it.

I agree that if you know she's not into you, then give it up and move on. I totally am with you on this.

My only argument is just that the "excuses" is more angst when said women can't even just be honest from the get-go on said interest.

"Bells, I'm totally flattered, but I have to be honest and say no. I just don't look at you like that. I hope you understand."

That would have totally avoided this topic and debate. If he blew up like a baby, then I would have told him to grow up.

I also agree many males lie to women, and I am not justifying that behavior by no means. I will come down on men when they play women, basically saying they're creating more flakes and damaged hearts.

I just get mad when any gender tries to justify bad behavior, claiming it's because someone or some people were bad to them. Two wrongs don't make a right.

November 8, 2008

if she finally agrees to go on a date with you are you going to be surprised at the end of the night when you lean in for a kiss and she punches you in the nuts?

Great post HERO!

November 8, 2008

Women really can't be all that critical of actions like Bells' because men have to put themselves out there and if every guy quit on a woman when she sent a VAGUE "not interested" signal, no one would ever be in a relationship. Instead all guys would spend all their time playing Hockey and Football and Baseball and drinking beer and women would only be hooking up with each other. (In other words, Heaven).
If a woman really likes a guy, she has good conversations, she agrees to making plans, answers their calls, returns their calls (sometimes after a waiting period), tries not to show "too much interest"...and then she hopes he gets the signal she is interested.
If a woman is not into a guy, she has good conversations, she (falsely, known only to her) agrees to making plans, answers their calls, returns their calls (sometimes after a waiting period), tries not to show "too much interest"...and then she hopes he gets the signal she is not interested!
She expects a guy to know by the subtle signs that exist in only her head, when they are in fact the same signs women send to men when they want to be pursued.
I can't tell you how many times I've heard friends' wives say they had no interest in my friend and blew him off 2 or 3 times until they finally caved and everything went great.
I have had multiple times when I went on dates with women I was interested in who flaked out or cancelled plans with lame excuses, or one day acted like we were best friends and the next day like we never met. I am pretty quick to cut and run in these situations because I am practical and figure I don't want to spend time with someone whose actions suggest that I am not that important to them, because I probably am not that important to them. Here's the kicker-A handful of times I have had mutual friends ask me after why I never called back or why I stopped chasing the girl because she was really into me and upset I didn't keep after her even though I picked up her not interested signals. (The mutual friends usually agreed that they were probably sending the wrong signals after I told them the facts).
When women feel too nice to tell someone they are not interested, at the very least they have to understand that THEY ARE NOT TELLING THE GUY THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED, and that is a clear signal for any love struck dope that the woman may be at least a little interested.
Guys have the burden of calling, making the plans, making a good impression, reading the invisible subtle signals, and having the balls to keep up the chase. Once it gets started, it is hard to stop based on vague signals.
If this girl actually likes Bells, she eventually would consider it romantic and sweet that he kept trying, and she might play hard to get for the thrill of the chase. If she is not interested she will think, "Clearly he is missing my clear signals."
I have never pretended to be even passivley interested in a woman that was romantically interested in me, which I did not feel the same way towards. You can be nice and honest at the same time.
Bells, I would suggest that if she acts this way now she will act this way 2 months from now if you guys are seriously dating.
Think about this-If every day you hit on a girl you like for 3 months and every day she punches you in the nuts, if she finally agrees to go on a date with you are you going to be surprised at the end of the night when you lean in for a kiss and she punches you in the nuts?

Great first post...! LOL

You'd be suprised how married couples or non-married couples tell you their "How We Met" stories.

The woman would say, "Yeah...it was cute, he asked me out 6 times before I agreed to go out with him!"

When I would hear stories like this...I figured that ...well, I guess I have to do the same thing to get a girl to go out with me.

Now I've wised up a bit.

And I'm thinkin', well, chances are she's got him wrapped around her little finger while in this dating relationship.

November 8, 2008

Guys, stop making excuses for women being not into you. They're not flaky, they're not flawed or evil, it's not cultural differences....they're just not into you. Move on and get over it.

Now she's starting to sound like a broken record.

She's not "getting it" it seems.

Chances are, she IS one of these women that probably pulls this crap on men, then goes around telling her friends how some "loser" can't take the hint....when really she's just playing him like a fiddle.

November 8, 2008

Guys, stop making excuses for women being not into you. They're not flaky, they're not flawed or evil, it's not cultural differences....they're just not into you. Move on and get over it.

True. Now, my friend Bells here looks like he doesn't take 'no' for an answer. You know, the annoying type that keeps bugging and bugging you until they hear what they want to hear? This is exactly what these women are doing to him; tell him what he wants to hear then disappear.

November 8, 2008

True. Now, my friend Bells here looks like he doesn't take 'no' for an answer. You know, the annoying type that keeps bugging and bugging you until they hear what they want to hear? This is exactly what these women are doing to him; tell him what he wants to hear then disappear.

Shygirl, obviously you haven't read what D-Jam Chatroom Hero and myself said.

She said YES...not NO....sounds like YOU are the one that's hearing what you want to hear.

She DID agree to go out with me and then backpeddled.

November 8, 2008

Now she's starting to sound like a broken record.

She's not "getting it" it seems.

Chances are, she IS one of these women that probably pulls this crap on men, then goes around telling her friends how some "loser" can't take the hint....when really she's just playing him like a fiddle.

She's missing the point. The guy is not hurt because she is not into him, he is confused by her signals because she is just screaming "I am into you, but I am not into you. Maybe we can go out on a date sometime, but I don't want to go out on a date with you" with her actions.

Unless a guy is a total ass and makes it easy, many women try to not hurt guys feelings by making it seem like they are into him. Then, the women seem shocked when the guy thinks she is in to him.

If you read the posts, this girl said she would go out with him.

Even a blow-off call where she says, "I met someone recently" would be a clear sign of dis-interest, case closed.

I don't think a woman's opinion on other women's flakiness in dating is incredibly valid. The burden is on the man in 95% of the cases and unless you are a man you can't really understand, the same as I don't know what childbirth is like so I won't try to give my opinions on it, even though it looks pretty painless to me and women should quit acting like big babies.

The bad guy here is the girl. Bells is just doing his due dilligence and is not complaining because the girl is not into him, he is complaining that he can't unlock the vast mystery of some chick that's probably about as deep as a kiddie pool. I'm betting he'll find that to be the case in about 3 months of dating her if he lands her.

The fact is, he doesn't know if she is into him but the post from the woman likely comes from the fact that she herself has probably done this to a guy and can understand what is going on because of that.

I have had women ask me about a guy's signals and before she even finishes I know if she is being cheated on, lied to, or played and it is completely obvious because I am a guy.

I understand the guy "lies" the same as women understand the "chic-anery" (heh heh), but it is not that obvious to the opposite sex.

Hell, women tell me they want to be swept off their feet and romanced, but the fact is if you try to be romantic they will think you are A. Gay or B. A Stalker.

I think women should just leave the mixed signals to the Offensive Co-ordinators in the NFL and be direct and polite, no excuses, no defenses.

November 8, 2008

I remember watching the movie 7 days , 6 nights....the woman asks Harrison Ford...."What does a woman have to do to get a man interested?"

or something like that, don't know what was said exactly.

But I DO remember, "She shows up"

Thats all a woman has to do to apease a man...just simply "show up".

But, of course, alot of single women make it hard for us men to do so. And of course, single women are just doing themselves a disservice by doing such things.

November 8, 2008