nowhereman82 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 So it seems the ex has finally worked out whatever it was she needed and wanted to meet with me. It took me a couple of days to decide if I would. So we're suppose to meet this Sunday. I am kind of anxious of how things will go and how I will feel. Most of you know my story but for those that don't. We were together for 5 years and she left me 3 weeks before the wedding and she kind of fell apart. It's now almost 5 months since then. I've planned for us to meet at a park so its public but some what private. I think my plan is to just let her talk and go from there. I don't have a problem trying again with he if she says the right things and I get the right feeling. This break up was good for me in that I know myself better now and I know what I want and don't want in a relationship and to not settle for anything less. Any words of wisdom?
norajane Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Don't get your hopes up that she wants to get back together. This might be a "closure" conversation rather than a "get back together" conversation. Just keep that in mind.
foxh1234 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Hi, that is great that she wants to meet. I would do just what you said, let her talk and talk and just listen. If things are going the way you like, let her continue. If she just wants to talk about being friends or things your not interested in, jump in and tell her where you are at and what you want from her. If you two can have a meeting of the minds and think it is worth a shot, move slow and see where it goes. Good Luck to you and keep us posted.
Author nowhereman82 Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 in her words she said she doesnt want to get right back together but wants to see how things go when we talk. Personally I don't want her to be my gf just yet and I don't wish to 'be friends' I'de rather date and see how things go, and I will continue dating the girls I am currently. Why would I want to say goodbye to those girls if there is a chance a couple weeks down the ex leaves again.
justaman99 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Personally I don't want her to be my gf just yet and I don't wish to 'be friends' I don't really know what the alternative is. I guess dating as you put it but with history, 5 years of it, it's going to be very confusing and confusion, especially in a woman's mind is a quick way to push her farther away and in this scenario perhaps instantly. I don't see much success coming out of this with an approach such as this one. I understand taking it slow but if one and/or the other is actively and openly dating others it could easily backfire. You can't do this with a 5 year history together. It doesn't work. My suggestion is trying to date each other again, slowly but exclusively if that is what she wants. It's really about what she has to say. So keep us posted and let us know what she says. If you can't be friends with her say so, if you want more say so, but don't say let's date each other while I date other people. That's gonna f everything up especially if she wants to try again, even if it's slowly. Just my 1 cent on it. -Just
Author nowhereman82 Posted November 8, 2008 Author Posted November 8, 2008 Good point, that might night fly well with her values.
samspade Posted November 8, 2008 Posted November 8, 2008 My suggestion is trying to date each other again, slowly but exclusively if that is what she wants. It's really about what she has to say. So keep us posted and let us know what she says. If you can't be friends with her say so, if you want more say so, but don't say let's date each other while I date other people. That's gonna f everything up especially if she wants to try again, even if it's slowly. I respectfully disagree. You've already started moving on, dating other women, so if she suddenly wants to come back to you, you should be frank and tell her you're dating around and will have to see. Why the hell should you kowtow to her after she ditched you three weeks before your wedding? SHE'S the one who f'd everything up, so if she wants to try again, let her be the one to work for it. You don't sound like you're completely over her, nowhereman, or you wouldn't be considering this. You are playing with fire by meeting her. If I were you, I'd cancel the meeting, don't give a reason, and keep dating the new women in your life. Otherwise you're going to destroy all you've built up since this woman disrespected you. It's better not to go digging through the garbage once you've taken it to the curb. You get dirty, your neighbors will see you, and you probably won't find what you're looking for.
justaman99 Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 I understand your stance Spade. It's a very common one is such a situation but when I hear that she "fell apart" that hits a soft spot for me. I am curious what fell apart really means? And he's doing the right thing about letting her do the talking. I happen to take a more optimistic view in this case for some reason. 5 years is a long time and I am reading between the lines and my gut tells me nowhere still cares very very much for this woman and probably still loves her as much as he did 5 months ago. What would be good to know is what happened a little bit before the breakup, during and just after. I don't really see that information in any posts here. That could tell us a lot. If she cheated or wanted freedom or some other typical crap like that I would do as Sam suggests but if she was hurt, confused, scared, consumed by something else in life, the least I would do is hear her out and if I still loved her I would do so with an open heart and mind and I wouldn't be playing the let's date around and see game. -Just
Author nowhereman82 Posted November 10, 2008 Author Posted November 10, 2008 So....we met. I still haven't sorted everything out but the only feeling I could recognize was sadness. I am sad for things happened and where we were. We both agreed that this was good for us as individuals and a couple. We also agreed it was good we didn't get married. There was a lot of things unsaid on both of our sides. I know there are no answers and I will just need to take a blind step of faith....do I let it be? Or do I give this a go? I feel like I have nothing to lose by trying and a potential for a lot to lose by not trying. Worse case scenario we break up and I am single again...big whoop, being single is fun....but you don't get the same as you get from a relationship. I still have things to think out but I am pretty sure I will give it a try. I know exactly what I want and don't want and as long as I am true to that....then that's all I can do. How do you start something after 5 months apart though? Which foot do I place forward? When is too soon to be intimate? It's almost like dating a new person but far from it. If only life where so black and white....
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