Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 OK, I have this client I've been working with for a few months (I run my own business as a sole proprietor -- he owns his own very successful business, too), and he's totally flirting. I'm having a hard time handling it because, well, he's very, very smart and very, very sexy (and single), and the attraction between us is undeniable. He's so smart and well-spoken (and older, accomplished, confident), and seems to be even more of a perfectionist than I am, that I actually find it a little intimidating to work with him, but I am trying to keep my cool and remain professional! The interaction is becoming more personal and flirtatious, and I am finding myself more giggly and girly around him, as he seems to be getting a little more flirtatious. Argh! Anyone have any advice on settling my silly butt down and maintaining a professional demeanor?! He hasn't "made a move", but I can feel him ratcheting up the flirtation, and I sense a move might be approaching. I broke up with someone two months ago and have committed to being single for at least a year so I can work on some personal goals. I guess if he does make a move, I will just tell him that. But I need to get a grip on myself! It's getting to the point where our lunch meetings are starting to feel almost like dates. I'm getting nervous butterflies just writing about the situation. Damn him! Why does he have to be so attractive and successful and with-it?
Geishawhelk Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 I don't know what your problem is. What's wrong with the scenario? He likes you, you like him. Short of taking a deep breath and wearing a bracelet that, every time you look at it, will act as a reminder to be sensible and business-like - maybe this is a really good opportunity to find something wonderful! Why back off? Would a relationship with him be the end of the world? You have goals, but as a respectable businessman, why would he not respect that in you? I think he'd admire your dedication but - there's no reason to put possible happiness on the back burner for a fistful of dollars! You know what they say about finding Love when you're not looking....!!
carhill Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 "I enjoy this flirtation immensely. If you wish it to continue, now is the appropriate time to ask me out on a date"
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 lol OMG y'all are no help! Of course I am enjoying the flirtation. But I am NOT ready. I am still dealing with the post-breakup stuff. This ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME. I break up, then some dazzling guy shows up and pursues me relentlessly, till I give in against my better judgment. It is VERY TEMPTING to avoid actually dealing with the breakup stuff by getting swept up in the romance and excitement again. And I know this guy would do it right. He's the type who would take me out in high style so we can paint the town red. He never lets me pay for our business lunches, and he seems to always want to pamper me and make the experience great. He keeps raising the stakes and taking me to nicer and nicer places -- it's getting to the point where my wardrobe can barely keep up. Last time he was like, "You should order dessert." *eyebrows* Ha! But avoiding the sad feelings after a breakup by leaping into the next relationship is what I ALWAYS do, and I want to BREAK THAT PATTERN. Of course, I am 32, approaching my sexual peak, and every day when I wake up, the first thing I think about is SEX. lol Stupid biology!
carhill Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 I just don't get this. You appear to know enough about this guy to know he's single (I assume beyond him telling you that) and that there is mutual chemistry. What's not adult about having some official dates and being honest about your emotional place after your last breakup? A gentleman (sounds like this guy is one) will not pressure his lady, provided said lady inspires trust and loyalty within him. This is what honest adult communication does. If I only could meet such a woman, maybe like 25 years ago Adding...if you can't control yourself, well, I can't help you there
Author Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 Yeah, we have talked enough about our personal histories for us to know that we are both single. What's refreshing about him, though, is that because he's older, he seems much more mellow and not, you know, "on the prowl". It seems as though he is much more concerned with finding a quality, compatible partner than getting some tail. He's masculine and has a lot of sexual energy, but he's also very well-composed, so in control, and brainy (which I love). I think what is scaring me is that I KNOW I am very all-or-nothing. I don't do "casual" relationships, and I'm BAD at moving slowly. I'm very passionate, so I throw myself fully into everything I do. This guy is scary because he's got it together -- professionally, financially, personally -- so I know that if we became involved, it is likely that I would fall hard. I think we are both very committed, non-flaky people, both the types to commit fully. I mean, I am still having sex dreams about the ex. I still think of him almost every day when I wake up. I think it's too soon. But this momentum is building, so I think I'm going to have to welcome it or reject it soon.
Geishawhelk Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 I think what is scaring me is that I KNOW I am very all-or-nothing. I don't do "casual" relationships, and I'm BAD at moving slowly. here's a couple for ya: "He is not a fool, who makes mistakes. He is a Fool who does not learn from them." "Everyone has the right to be a dang fool for 10 minutes a day. Wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit." Know what your 'failings' are.... (I put 'failings' in inverted commas, because (1) we all have them to a greater or lesser degree and (2) they're only failings in the negative sense, if we don't do anything to recognise them)... and see them as they manifest. Flag them to yourself and say "Ruby, honey, take it slooooow. be cool, be smooth, be the lady...." Don't act the over-excited puppy.... Thing Afghan Hound, not cocker spaniel....! Be communicative. Explain things about yourself, but not in a 'shoot, aren't I stupid?' kind of way.... expose details without baring your soul.... be a Lady of tantalising mystery. Here's me, a donkey, giving you advice!!
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