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In the past 3 weeks my husband's behaviour has become very odd.. very odd indeed

carlajames1983

By carlajames1983
in General Relationship Discussion

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carlajames1983 New Member

carlajames1983

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In the last 3 weeks my husband's behaviour has become very odd.

He just sits in front of the TV in his underwear, eating nachos and drinking endless bottles of Diet Coke and Pepsi. The programmes he watches are usually reality TV or, worse, porn on DVD.

He quit his job. He wasn't fired or laid off. I don't get why he quit his job, especially as he loved it so much.

He makes no effort to look for a new job, and the only time he ever gets dressed is to go out and buy more Diet Coke, Pepsi, crisps and nachos which he eats in large quantities. He dresses very smartly when he does it.

I'm 25 and he's 27.

I've tried to find out why he's doing this, but he won't discuss the issue. I can't understand it. All he said was that he wasn't depressed, and he loves being like this.

Our sex life has gone from great to nothing now - and I miss having sex and him being affectionate.

please can someone help? I don't know what to do next and I worry I could become stressed because of the situation.

Carla

laRubiaBonita Established Member

laRubiaBonita

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sounds like depression to me.

 

maybe it is season depression.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
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Got any kids?

 

Don't take this the wrong way but is it possible he had a workplace affair that went bad?

 

Depression makes sense (the big signs are there) but, if he has no clinical background in depression, then it could be situational, hence my questions...

 

Regardless, it is interfering with a vital relationship (your M) so, at minimum, I'd suggest meeting with a MC to see what's really going on. You've tried, so maybe now it's time for a professional...

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carlajames1983 New Member

carlajames1983

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Got any kids?

 

Don't take this the wrong way but is it possible he had a workplace affair that went bad?

 

Depression makes sense (the big signs are there) but, if he has no clinical background in depression, then it could be situational, hence my questions...

 

Regardless, it is interfering with a vital relationship (your M) so, at minimum, I'd suggest meeting with a MC to see what's really going on. You've tried, so maybe now it's time for a professional...

 

We don't have any kids.. but my sister has a 4-year-old daughter though. Also, he's never cheated on me at all, we've only been married for 6 months.

I've tried asking him why he does this, but he insists he's not depressed and he's living "every lad's dream".

The amount of nacho and potato chip packets and bottles of Diet Coke, Pepsi and lemonade in our house shocked me. He is refusing to give up the habit.

He claims he's not depressed, but how can I be sure that he is?

Carla

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
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IMO, don't try to figure him out. This is a mistake many, including myself, have made in their M's. You're seeing an unhealthy relationship dynamic right now. It's eroding your M. You need help. Simple as that. This is not the way a new M should be. I think you know that :)

 

Remember, don't get bogged down in specifics (like the junk food habit). Those are only symptoms.

 

BTW, in the past, did he make such an effort to get "dressed up" when going to the store for a few items? I'm assuming "dressed up" to mean more than the shorts, t-shirt and flip-flops I wear when shopping :D

Angel1111 Established Member

Angel1111

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He sounds traumatized. If the two of you can afford for him not to work, you may want to leave it alone for awhile, stop asking questions, and see if he just gets tired of this on his own. I think I would try to figure out where he's going all dressed up when he goes out, though, because this does reek of an affair. If you can't afford for him not to work, then you've got a whole different problem.

 

It's also possible that he was fired and he's just not telling you the truth about that. If he did something wrong at work, he may be questioning his ability to make a living from this point on. Or, he may have had all this in mind when he married you and thinks you're stuck with his behavior.

 

The only other thing I can think of is that he hates being married and this is his passive way of driving you away. Then he can say that you're the one who left him.

 

No matter what, his behavior is way over the top and something is seriously wrong.

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carlajames1983 New Member

carlajames1983

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He sounds traumatized. If the two of you can afford for him not to work, you may want to leave it alone for awhile, stop asking questions, and see if he just gets tired of this on his own. I think I would try to figure out where he's going all dressed up when he goes out, though, because this does reek of an affair. If you can't afford for him not to work, then you've got a whole different problem.

 

It's also possible that he was fired and he's just not telling you the truth about that. If he did something wrong at work, he may be questioning his ability to make a living from this point on. Or, he may have had all this in mind when he married you and thinks you're stuck with his behavior.

 

The only other thing I can think of is that he hates being married and this is his passive way of driving you away. Then he can say that you're the one who left him.

 

No matter what, his behavior is way over the top and something is seriously wrong.

 

I know for a fact he wasn't fired, as I phoned his employer and he confirmed to me that his employment wasn't terminated, he just said he was leaving and they let him go. His employer said they were sad to see him go, as he'd been a good worker for the past 4 years he'd been there.

I'm considering hiring a private investigator to see what my husband's up to when he gets dressed up to go out shopping - should I do this?

Carla

Angel1111 Established Member

Angel1111

Posted
Posted
I'm considering hiring a private investigator to see what my husband's up to when he gets dressed up to go out shopping - should I do this?

Carla

 

If I were you, that's what I'd do.

me4u2 Established Member

me4u2

Posted
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Can you follow him before you hire an investigator? I don't know, I'm just thinking something a little cheaper, quicker and easier than hiring someone. If not, then I would definitely want to know what he's up to getting all dressed up for chips and pop. How long is he out when he's at the store? Are we talking an hour or what? I suppose if it's longer than an hour than it's suspect. Then again, maybe he's getting dressed up and interviewing and doesn't want to tell you about it until he's secured another job. Maybe he doesn't want the pressure or stress of telling anyone he's out interviewing. Or maybe it's something else entirely.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted
, but he won't discuss the issue. All he said was that he wasn't depressed, and he loves being like this.

In his role as husband, it is his responsibility to clue you in about things that affect you, in your role as his wife. Whether he is depressed or is not depressed doesn't change that.

 

Some things I'd want to know:

~Why didn't he tell you that this was his ultimate lifestyle goal BEFORE you were married?

~What are the names of some of the "lads" for whom this kind of existence is their ultimate "dream"?

~What does he feel are his proper and appropriate contributions to the relationship? And how is he planning to take care of his obligations?

~How is he planning to provide for his own (personal) material needs?

~What role is he expecting you to play, while he lives out his "lad's dream"?

~Does he get that he is NOT a "lad" but an adult male with a wife?

 

You deserve answers. If he will not give them to you, you would be called upon to make decisions about the man you are married to (versus the man you thought you were marrying), and to consider what your future will look like, if you stick with him.

CandyGirlXO Established Member

CandyGirlXO

Posted
Posted
In the last 3 weeks my husband's behaviour has become very odd.

He just sits in front of the TV in his underwear, eating nachos and drinking endless bottles of Diet Coke and Pepsi. The programmes he watches are usually reality TV or, worse, porn on DVD.

He quit his job. He wasn't fired or laid off. I don't get why he quit his job, especially as he loved it so much.

He makes no effort to look for a new job, and the only time he ever gets dressed is to go out and buy more Diet Coke, Pepsi, crisps and nachos which he eats in large quantities. He dresses very smartly when he does it.

I'm 25 and he's 27.

I've tried to find out why he's doing this, but he won't discuss the issue. I can't understand it. All he said was that he wasn't depressed, and he loves being like this.

Our sex life has gone from great to nothing now - and I miss having sex and him being affectionate.

please can someone help? I don't know what to do next and I worry I could become stressed because of the situation.

Carla

 

Sounds just like my step-dad. He is 42 and has NEVER had a job longer then 6 months. He is just lazy. This would worry me.

 

Can you two afford him not working? I would think it could be depression.

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