pushforward Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Hi all. A brief summary. 1st love, 1st break up, 1st gf. She dumped me to find herself. I cried, not begged but asked for a second chance. Resulted in failure. I told her I do not want to be friends and not to speak to me unless she wanted to work things out. I never mistreated her or took her for granted. I will respect her wishes and give her space. It's been 3 months since the break up. It's been 2 weeks NC now. Longest I went NC is 1 month. I'm pretty much over the emotional hump. I don't feel like my heart hurts anymore. I'm left with my thoughts and imagination. I know she is dating other guys. I'm done with the cyber stalking. I'm on strict NC. I really want to move on and put this in the past. I miss and love her, but she really hurt me. I can't get the thoughts of her out of my head. I can't stop the imaginations of her wanting me back or my turn to reject her. My 21st birthday is coming up. She will not contact me, at least I tell myself that. I cannot control her actions, but I can control mine. I want some healing tips. I've joined the gym and have been going religiously. I've joined a choir and taking singing lessons. I try to go out on the weekends when I can. I try to work as much overtime to make extra money and save for my future. I'm taking 3 online classes also. I've made progress since the start of the break up. Yet, I still love her. I don't want to. I've accepted the fact she will always have a place in my heart. But a twisted part of me wants her to come back so I can have the satisfaction of rejecting her. (Not going to happen.) Ultimately, I want to be healed and be completely indifferent about things. Just to be strangers with a history. The girl tossed me a side for another guy and couldn't be honest about it. That's what hurts the most. I don't want any type of relationship with her (conflicting thoughts, I want her to come back so I can say no). I hate having the fact that I had no control over this. I loved and respected her with no expectations. She has misplaced my trust and I do not want to give it back. NC is for me. No games, just plain old self improvement time. A part of me does want her back, because he misses what that special bond and she said she knows she will want a second chance in the future. I got strung a long. I pitied myself. Felt worthless. Gave her valid reasons to break up with me. In the end, people change, she changed. She sees value in partying and drinking now. I got the crappy part of the deal of dealing with a heart break by somebody that says they "love" me. Action speaks louder than words. I have found my self respect. I think I just needed to vent. After reading Fox's posts about how his ex cheated on him and came back to him after he's moved on. I don't want that to be me. He said he felt really bad that somebody was hurting this much. He cannot go back to her, ever. She hurt him that much. I feel like that will be me. She hurt me a great deal. I need more things to fill my day... Sigh. I would appreciate any advice given. I don't want any future predictions because nobody knows! I understand that much. I feel like I'm in denial or something. I will forgive, but I won't forget, After all, you've lost my respect.
SgtPepper Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 I am sorry for your pain and understand what you are going through. I have been seeing a very good therapist who told me that living in fantasy is a dangerous place to be. Our minds can invent anything and the next thing we know, we are sliding down the slippery slope of nothing but negative and hurtful thoughts that do nothing to help us heal. Not to mention that they are thoughts that we have invented anyway, so much of it may have no factual basis. It has taken a lot of work, but when I find myself slipping into fantasyland, I make myself deal with today only. That's it. What is on my agenda for today and only today. More often than not, I can deal with today much easier than I can deal with my imagination of what my ex is doing, what my ex wants, what I want to say to my ex, would I take my ex back if, blah, blah, blah. Stay in the present, even if it hurts, too. I don't think it will hurt as much as fantasy.
Peter_pan Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 holy this sounds like my story!! did she technically cheat on you then? doing the gyn singing etc is all good stuff. when i was on my own at the beginning i joined the gym but then i realsied i was doing it for her not me, once i got over that hump everything ive done is for me, my own benifit. how long were you with her mate?
Author pushforward Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 holy this sounds like my story!! did she technically cheat on you then? how long were you with her mate? 1.5 years I have no idea. She knew the guy before we broke up. I never heard of this guy before. I never tried to pry or be the jealous type. I can see why nice guys become jerks. After this experience, I will become an even better guy. Why? Because, I know what it's like to hurt. I felt she she was talking to many guys before the break up. She kept reassuring me, there was nobody else. She wanted a break, then break up, then to I want time alone, yet I will still date other guys. She kept giving me lame excuses, now that I think about it. She really didn't have a good reason for breaking up with me. Seems like she just couldn't be honest or didn't want to hurt me with the truth. It's sad to say, but I really did love the girl with everything I had. I would have given her everything and all she had to do was ask. Now that the trust is gone. Her assuming that we will be friends in the future. Hah, sorry to burst your bubble, but I deserve much better than a lying friend. I grew up tremendously with her, I can grow up tremendously without her. I feel bitter towards her and would like to let that go. I'm a nice guy, I won't finish last.
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