fingersniffer Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 theres new messages on her cell from an unknown number. they are explicit and similar to the ones from before. what the hell am I to do?
Reggie Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 See a lawyer , FS. You cannot control her. If she is like this, all you can do is get out. Sucks, but this stuff will kill you.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Have you confronted her? Why in the heck would she not delete the msg??? Does she want to be caught? I understand your pain and your anger and I agree with Reggie, this stuff will kill you. I told my disappointed 11 yo. who was crying over a mistake on and on for some time, "you cannot change the circumstances, but you are choosing to be miserable, you can ONLY change how they affect you." You understandably have tons of anger, unfortunately, it will affect you in more ways than you can imagine. I know that the pain is new and you are early in the process, but for YOUR OWN GOOD, protect your sanity. Get some counselling if you have not already. I respect the hell out of you trying to work through the issues brought on by no choice of your own. It's no picnic. Get tough, but don't let the anger eat you alive. At some point if you don't let it go then it will consume you. You don't want to be that person. Good luck dealing with your WW.
pelicanpreacher Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 She is spinning your wheels at your expense. You must now take the bold step to assure your survival. Surreptiously, while still playing that you are none the wiser during MC, ambush her with divorce papers. If this act doesn't shock her back into reality then she was already so far gone that continued effort on your part would have remained superfluous anyways! Someone else posted "never make someone a priority who only views you as an option"! (paraphrasing) I think you would do well to absorb this as your own mantra for she is playing you as her backup plan and safety net. Rip yourself from her fantasy so that she can truly appreciate her reality!
jwi71 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Pelican is right. The MC isn't working (her fault). She is still in la-la land. Find a lawyer and file for D. Once filed, you may move out of your house (not before!!). Listen to your lawyer. Do NOT listen to your spouse. End the MC as well (you're just burning cash my friend). Trust me, it takes one day to file for D..no need to attend MC under false pretense. Good luck.
Owl Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 This actually is pretty typical. NC normally fails at least a couple of times before its finally implemented. Confront her about it...but don't tell her how you know. Simply confront her point blank and TELL her that you KNOW that she's been in contact with him again...don't give her your source. But don't let her blow smoke either. You KNOW what you've found...so no, let her suffer the consequences of it. The idea here is to make the affair no fun...and its no fun when you're busted AGAIN.
Author fingersniffer Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 Ok, this is really bad, because it was a work collegue of hers that didnt know - they were in a bar on a work night out and that person cant handle her liqor and ended up sending random sexy sms from someone elses cell. Stupid ass. collegue has appologised and so that should be that. Only its put me back about 1000 MC sessions as I'm back in the zone of no trust and maximum suspicion.
Davey McG Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 I can understand why you might not trust the colleague. Still smells fishy to me. Stay vigilant.
Author fingersniffer Posted November 11, 2008 Author Posted November 11, 2008 I can understand why you might not trust the colleague. Still smells fishy to me. Stay vigilant. haha, I dont give a two-bit damn about the collegeue, its my wife I have trust issues with. I guess I always will after what shes done to me.
Owl Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 You SHOULDN'T trust your wife right now. Trust is built, over time, by demonstrating that you are trustworthy. Your behavior builds trust with others. Choosing to cheat destroys that trust. It takes it from a huge positive amount to a huge deficit. It took a hill of trust and made it a crater. But...she's got the ability to restore that trust. By taking more extreme steps of the same things she did before to earn your trust in the first place. She has to demonstrate, over time, that she's trustworthy AGAIN. And, she's got to start that with a foundation of NEW actions...giving you all the passwords and access to her phone, email, IM....becoming an "open book" so that she can SHOW you that she's no longer lying to you about things. Over time...she can get there. But...right now...this soon after the affair...you'd be a fool to put your complete trust in her. So you're at the point where you have to verify every action she takes...so that you can SEE that she's being trustworthy again. Make sense?
In Like Flynn Posted November 11, 2008 Posted November 11, 2008 Find out who's phone it was and make sure it wasn't a male!!! And who was they at the bar???
Dexter Morgan Posted November 12, 2008 Posted November 12, 2008 theres new messages on her cell from an unknown number. they are explicit and similar to the ones from before. what the hell am I to do? Get rid of her.
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