libertygirl88 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 This is my 1st post and I need some advice. My live in bf of 2 1/2 yr left almost 4 mo ago; we are not "kids"; I am 38 and my 3 girls (17, 8 & 10) live with me and he's 35. We were fighting the last 6 mo before he left, lot of stress; he had lost his job and we were looking at houses to buy, in hindsight, we weren't communicating, we were taking our stress out on each other instead of "talking" and his family was putting alot of pressure on him because they think he needs to be with someone who can give him "biological" children; which he does NOT want; he was happy w our situation and I thought he should be "defending me", which I realize now was stupid; he felt put in the middle and couldn't handle it anymore. One night after an argument, he stormed out and never came back. We have continued to text almost every day since he left. He says maintained that he "needs time" and isn't ready to have me back in his life. Neither one of us has seen anymore during this time. He was living in his mom's basement, which was bad because during this time, his mom told me that if she has her way "he'll never be involved with me or those kids again". He finally moved out and into his own apt over the weekend. Last week he came over and carved pumpkins with my kids and came over again on halloween to see them get ready for trick-or-treating. We had a long talk. He told me he loves the kids and misses all of us. He told me that during the last few months of our relationship during all the fighting; we lost the basis of any relationship, which is friendship and we need to re-establish that.... we have to start over by being friends and see where it leads....He told me he can't NOT see the kids cuz he loves them. He stopped over tonight to drop off bday presents for both my girls. When he left he said he'd get ahold of me; I rather snidely, said "for what".. he said "to do something".... Then he told me to start eating as I've lost about 25lbs in the last few months.... Do I need to stop texting and let him make the next move as I've been the one doing the texting? I need advice. I want him back more than anything; I am just starting to be able to sleep at night but then when I wake up, I realize he's not there. I can still cry at the drop of a hat. Am I wrong to let him stay involved with the kids? I am so confused... we were planning a future and looking at houses.... Any advice?? I have asked him about how his family's opinion would play into his feelings and he said he is going to do what makes HIM happy, not what his family wants......
BikerBeagle Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 You know, I want to give this guy a real benefit of a doubt. The pumkiin carving, the trick-or-treating, the presents ...these aren't signs of someone who wants out ...but, then again, he didn't do those things for you, he did them for the kids (still, it's admirable). Are you wrong in letting him stay involved with your kids? ...probably, but I think you are safe for now until the two of you decide what is happening with you (no reason to draw the kids into it at this point). Sadly, the bottom line is, they aren't his kids. He needs to work out what he is doing with you, first. If you are willing to go back to being friends with him again to see where it ultimately leads for the two of you, I think that would be a sound decision. If not, you need to cut contact with him ...including his contact with your kids.
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