Meaplus3 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Since I am back in the dating game after many ,many years, I am realizing that things have changed a bit since way back then. I'm looking for some good Do's and Don'ts for dating in this day and age. Right now I feel like a bull in a china closet. Just simply let me have it! AP:)
Lizzie60 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I would say.. for the first date.. make it clear that you'll each be paying for your share.. (just in case you don't want to see him again ) Set up a place (not your place) to meet.. somewhere where you can talk (so a movie is NOT a good choice, people behind won't appreciate).. I hate 'dinner' for a first date.. just in case I want to leave after 15 minutes. I think that meeting for a drink is always the best 'first date' ... you are not committed to stay for hours (meal)... you can leave whenever you want.
Trialbyfire Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Mea, throw up the middle finger to dating rules! The guy that's right for you will accept you as you are. If anything, he's not only going to accept you as you are, he'll want you for being you! That's my dating rules advice since jumping back into it. Frack'em!
Author Meaplus3 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 I would say.. for the first date.. make it clear that you'll each be paying for your share.. (just in case you don't want to see him again ) Set up a place (not your place) to meet.. somewhere where you can talk (so a movie is NOT a good choice, people behind won't appreciate).. I hate 'dinner' for a first date.. just in case I want to leave after 15 minutes. I think that meeting for a drink is always the best 'first date' ... you are not committed to stay for hours (meal)... you can leave whenever you want. Paying my share?? What happened to the guy paying?? That's how it was years ago. But, if this is a new thing I have NO problem digging in my pockets. This is exactly the kind of stuff that I'm cluless about and That's why I need to know before I make a complete fool of myself and turn off every guy within a 50 mile radius. AP:)
Shygirl15 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 My rule to share is not to jump into intimacy or anything physical too soon. If a guy attempts this on a 1st, 2nd, or even 4th date, he's gone. A true gentleman wouldn't mind waiting until you're both ready.
Author Meaplus3 Posted November 6, 2008 Author Posted November 6, 2008 My rule to share is not to jump into intimacy or anything physical too soon. If a guy attempts this on a 1st, 2nd, or even 4th date, he's gone. A true gentleman wouldn't mind waiting until you're both ready. Well so far with guy behind door number one this has held true. He's been slow with me and very much a gentleman..the way I think it should be. AP:)
Lizzie60 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 I think that in this day and age.. men do NOT have the financial responsibility of a date.. I think it should be each their share.. especially on a first date.. I wouldn't let him pay, unless he beats me.. .. I pay my stuff, he pays his..
tanbark813 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 1. Turn off your cell phone. 2. Offer to pay but let him pay if he won't let you. 3. Smell nice. 4. Laugh at his jokes. 5. Wear something low cut.
Author Meaplus3 Posted November 7, 2008 Author Posted November 7, 2008 Thanks for the tips Tan. Looks like # 5 has not changed over the years. AP:)
prettybaby Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 If a guy attempts this on a 1st, 2nd, or even 4th date, he's gone. wow! I mainly follow my feelings. If I'm feeling it right, a move on the 2nd or heck, even the first date is okay in my book. Dating someone usually implies that you're at least a bit attracted to the person, so if the feeling's right, why not lol
flc Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 The first date is really not a date it is just a chance to meet in person someplace casual and see if there is a connection. As Lizzie says for a drink or coffee is best and who cares who pays at this point. As tan said turn off your cell phone, be prepared to spend 15min or 3hrs depending on how things go. Probably a kiss on the cheek if things went well, if you are interested he should be able to tell, if he is interested he should ask you out for a real date at the end or call for a date in a day or so. 2nd dates onward just go with the flow and what feels right. Don't play games, be honest and have fun most of all.
sandflea Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 The first date is really not a date it is just a chance to meet in person someplace casual and see if there is a connection. As Lizzie says for a drink or coffee is best and who cares who pays at this point. As tan said turn off your cell phone, be prepared to spend 15min or 3hrs depending on how things go. Probably a kiss on the cheek if things went well, if you are interested he should be able to tell, if he is interested he should ask you out for a real date at the end or call for a date in a day or so. 2nd dates onward just go with the flow and what feels right. Don't play games, be honest and have fun most of all. Excellent advice! Yeah - the first date should be somewhere social, very casual, fun, funny - and just friendly. You're testing the waters, seeing if you have mutual interests, and making sure that the other person has a personality, a sense of humor, and half a brain. A hug at the end is nice, but not necessary - especially if you guys don't connect.
samspade Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 If you are a man, DO: Look for signs that she wants a kiss on the first date, and make your move (without asking permission) on the first date. Move on if she is not showing obvious (but subtle) signs of attraction after the first date. Pay for the first date, which should be drinks. If she offers to pay for another round, graciously accept. Have the guts to ask a girl for her number, and to call her up within a few days. Keep a first date light and brief and fun. No dinners, which can be drawn out and awkward if the chemistry is not there. And no mid day coffee dates. A woman who is considering you romantically will want to go out in the evening, over a drink (even non-alcoholic), under low lighting. Keep yourself well-groomed, carry gum/mints, condoms, and cash. Let her talk more than you. 60/40 ratio. Keep it light and flirty. And make her laugh. DO NOT: Be late. She will probably be late. Do not get upset if she is. Women take longer than men. They also test men to see if they will get upset easily. Bring a book. Ogle or flirt openly with other women in front of her. Discuss matters of an outright sexual nature on the first date unless she brings it up. Grope or harass her. If you try to kiss and she backs off, smile and take it in stride. Contact her too often or act needy. Ask her boring questions about work, what neighborhood she lives in, where her parents live, etc. Everyone asks those questions. Tolerate b!tchiness, rudeness, extreme tardiness, or immature/manipulative behavior. If she is showing these signs early, you are better off going home and masturbating, trust me. Do NOT ask for a kiss. Women hate this. And don't beg for sex or be impatient. Dating and seduction take time. And finally, do not make her the centerpiece of your life or put her on a pedestal. Try dating a few women early on if you're not in a committed relationship. There is no reason to jump all over the first one who gives you her number.
flc Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 If you are a man Ah, did you read the OP or just the thread title?
tanbark813 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Good tips in general but I'm going to have to disagree with this: Bring a book.
DealingWDrama Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 It's been a while since I dated too - but when I was dating the number one rule I learned (the hard way) is to meet the guy somewhere other than your place. DO NOT allow him to pick you up! Stalkers...it's a scary thing.
Agent_99 Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 Thanks for all the tips here. I am also just now learning how to jump into the dating pool. Although it is a little different being a lesbian, it looks like the same rules apply. In fact next weekend I have a 2nd date with someone. Iam very excited about this. We have both talked about what we want out of dating and are both willing to take things slow and see where it goes. I do want to add, 1st dates can be amazing and fun, but it really sucks to start investing yourself emotionally just to hear let's be friends the next day then on to let's just not talk a couple days later. This person had thier own issues about emotional intimacy that I didn't see the red flags until after I had started opening up to this person. Learning the lessons I guess. ~99
refurb Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 My rule to share is not to jump into intimacy or anything physical too soon. If a guy attempts this on a 1st, 2nd, or even 4th date, he's gone. A true gentleman wouldn't mind waiting until you're both ready. So if a guy goes for a kiss on the 3rd date you'll drop his ass? Or are you talking about the old "in-out, in-out"? RF
edinsvet Posted November 9, 2008 Posted November 9, 2008 1. Turn off your cell phone. 2. Offer to pay but let him pay if he won't let you. 3. Smell nice. 4. Laugh at his jokes. 5. Wear something low cut. All of those suggestions are good. But the Cel Phone, it is the most annoying thing you can do!!! I always switch it off, or at least mute it and hide it. I really hate when I am on a date and the woman is checking her phone, answering SMS messages, etc. It just makes me think she has a couple of other guys and is not serious at all.
Author Meaplus3 Posted November 9, 2008 Author Posted November 9, 2008 edinsvet, I agree with you on the cell phone bit. I normally keep mine turned off. Just hope my date would do the same. AP:)
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