markyboy1983 Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 So you have made the decision to go NC. Good for you. No really, good for you. We have all been there - it sux, "I think about them all of the time, I always want to call them, I'm going crazy with this whole NC BS." There is no easy way around it, but not contacting an ex is hard, and sometimes seems almost impossible. We hope that they are going through the same emotions and F'en pain that we are, but we don't know because we can't call them and see how they are doing. To anyone trying NC, think of it this way: It can only work out in my favor. Lets look at your ex's two options. They can call you, or they won't. If they call you, then great, that means that u, not calling them made them miss you, and call you back. Your days of crying and hearing those stupid ringtones, only to be ur buddy wanting to know if u want to go to a concert, are over. Another form of connection has been established. You win! If they don't call you - I know it's sux to think this - then THEY AREN'T worth it. You have spilled ur heart to them, the person who u thought cared more about you than ur own mother, won't call you back. As hard as this may be to take, they have moved on, or are just POS's. This sounds like a no win, but if u think that, then ur wrong. If u have spent 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, a year, waiting for that call and u never got it, then that 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, a year that you have slaved over, is that much more time YOU spent getting over them and moving on. And by the time u realize that you have stopped counting days, weeks, or whatever, there is probably someone already checking you out, waiting for you to stop talking about ur ex. There u have it in my opinion, to anyone going NC. It is one of the hardest things in life to do, but you are not the first to do it, and you are definately not gonna be the last. In fact (according to my numbers) a heart is broken every 16 seconds in the world. (I completely just made up that last number, but it probably isn't too far off.) And if none of this works, just sleep with thier best friend. JK, but seriously, u have better things to do than think about someone that is not in ur life anymore. This is Markyboy1983, signing off from New York.
BikerBeagle Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 Nice summary, Mark. There's a post around here somewhere that is really good on describing and overcoming the fear that "they'll forget about me". You should add something about that to your post, then see if it can get stickied.
ahhhchooo Posted November 6, 2008 Posted November 6, 2008 If they call you, then great, that means that u, not calling them made them miss you, and call you back. Your days of crying and hearing those stupid ringtones, only to be ur buddy wanting to know if u want to go to a concert, are over. Another form of connection has been established. You win! I disagree with this part... getting a call from your ex isn't really a good thing, in 99% of the situations I've seen posted on these forums. While your ex may be calling because they "miss you", chances are they don't miss you in the same way you miss them. Usually they're just making a call out of curiousity or needing an ego boost. You don't win by any form of contact from your ex, short of them wanting another try. Even then... you don't necessarily win - as my ex has shown. She just kept me bogged down longer. This is another reason NC is the only good option. Contact of any kind with your ex.. is usually for the lose.
EmperorR Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 I agree with this thread, NC is the best. I wish i implemented it from the first day, instead of being treated liek dirt for another two weeks.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 I agree with this thread, NC is the best. I wish i implemented it from the first day, instead of being treated liek dirt for another two weeks. In some ways, yeah I wish I had implemented it the first day. How much sooner would my recovery have been completed? In another way? I'm glad I've gone through what I have. Its been a crazy learning experience, but a good one. I don't regret my actions from here on in. If I could have changed one thing? I would have dumped my ex sooo much sooner. He has qualities I will always love and miss sorely, don't get me wrong, but I think hes overall a bad boyfriend (just doesn't know how to take care of a lady) and also, I just was NOT the girl for him. I think... when we met, I thought "hey this is a fun and outgoing guy just what I need" and he thought "hey a cool and exciting girl thats nerdy too!". Well turns out he wasnt that outgoing, hes not a loner, he has his girlfriend, and people he meets up with when theyre in town, but he has no core friends, doesn't do anything but sit on his computer.... AND it turns out I wasn't that homely and nerdy! lol Well I'm still a nerd, but I think what he wanted was a goofy/pretty/popular girl that secretly liked hanging out at home each night. I was that... but I like going out now, thanks!
EmperorR Posted November 7, 2008 Posted November 7, 2008 In some ways, yeah I wish I had implemented it the first day. How much sooner would my recovery have been completed? In another way? I'm glad I've gone through what I have. Its been a crazy learning experience, but a good one. I don't regret my actions from here on in. If I could have changed one thing? I would have dumped my ex sooo much sooner. He has qualities I will always love and miss sorely, don't get me wrong, but I think hes overall a bad boyfriend (just doesn't know how to take care of a lady) and also, I just was NOT the girl for him. I think... when we met, I thought "hey this is a fun and outgoing guy just what I need" and he thought "hey a cool and exciting girl thats nerdy too!". Well turns out he wasnt that outgoing, hes not a loner, he has his girlfriend, and people he meets up with when theyre in town, but he has no core friends, doesn't do anything but sit on his computer.... AND it turns out I wasn't that homely and nerdy! lol Well I'm still a nerd, but I think what he wanted was a goofy/pretty/popular girl that secretly liked hanging out at home each night. I was that... but I like going out now, thanks! I agree with that, sometimes in the 3 year I dated my ex, I felt like I should have dumped her, but love is blind and I guess I was to comfortable
Markyboy Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 I disagree with this part... getting a call from your ex isn't really a good thing, in 99% of the situations I've seen posted on these forums. While your ex may be calling because they "miss you", chances are they don't miss you in the same way you miss them. Usually they're just making a call out of curiousity or needing an ego boost. You don't win by any form of contact from your ex, short of them wanting another try. Even then... you don't necessarily win - as my ex has shown. She just kept me bogged down longer. This is another reason NC is the only good option. Contact of any kind with your ex.. is usually for the lose. What if they call you, and they break down into tears. Saying that they have been thinking about you all the time the last 3 days, thinking about the things we have done, and the things she wants to do. Says she misses hearing my voice, and hates not hearing from me........and text me its only been 3 days, but she hates life without me.
EmperorR Posted November 15, 2008 Posted November 15, 2008 What if they call you, and they break down into tears. Saying that they have been thinking about you all the time the last 3 days, thinking about the things we have done, and the things she wants to do. Says she misses hearing my voice, and hates not hearing from me........and text me its only been 3 days, but she hates life without me. doesn't mean they love you and wants to be in a relationship with you, they just want to be friends, keep you on the doormat
Recommended Posts